Sexist home repairs

[thetrolleywitch]

Reminded of this by another thread... I had a person come around to do a quote for new fascias and guttering the other day. He was not happy about doing the appointment without my husband present.

We've renovated two houses over the years and I have done all of the project management, the plans, working with the builders etc etc. without needing help. My husband isn't particularly interested in the details and I'm happy to do it. I love a project!

The only other times that I've had this 'little woman' treatment have been with a replacement door and one of the companies that came round to quote for windows. I assumed in those cases that they wanted both owners present in case I was trying to lock him out but I don't get it with fascias!

AIBU to refuse to use a company for doing this? Also, tell me your stories of it happening to you to add to my righteous indignation 😂

It's happened to me too. Following the break up of my marriage I initially remained in the family home.
I was the one who put it up for sale, who appointed the solicitor and coordinated the whole thing. Yet every time the solicitor sent documents they were addressed to my exH and sent to him first! Why?

Having building work done, dp gets home and the builder goes "oh good you're back now we can show you what we've done" I was it was me that organised the whole build!

Also kitchen being fitted "where do you want the knobs, actually tell you what see what dp thinks and let me know" I said "actually this is my decision and I know where I want them thanks"
Bloody men! Half the time I don't think they're even aware of doing it!

I went to a bike shop to buy a component. DH was with me, but he wandered off to look at racing bikes while I found what I wanted.

While I was paying, the guy at the counter said 'it's really easy to fit, he (DH) will do it for you in 5 mins'.

I was to stunned to do what I should have done - ie, point out his stupidity and leave.

The last time I bought a (used) car, I asked the salesman to open the bonnet and he laughed in my face. ' It's a load of metal bits you'll won't ever need to look at!'

When he accidentally wrote the wrong figure on the sales receipt (£3k less than they were advertising the car), I made him split the difference with me.

I know it wiped out his commission and I would have let it go if he hadn't been such an arse.

I had this with Safestyle when I wanted new windows, I didnt want a payment plan, had the money in savings.They wouldn't let me sign up until the man of the house was present! Had to explain that actually it was my house, my mortgage and my savings and they still wouldn't let me sign up in case the man of the house said no!
So frustrating.
I ended up going with a local builder

I had this from a garage. I used them once for new tyres. Obviously they had my details, but from then on any advertising/offers through the post were addressed to 'Mr'.
Maybe they wanted me to pass it on to my dad....

My favourite story is of a good friend of mine. She’s very highly paid in her profession. She was headhunted and moved to my area of the country. Her partner gave up his job due to the move and became a SAHD for a while.

They bought a huge house and needed a lot of new furniture and carpets etc. Being short of time but cash rich (very generous moving allowance and cheaper area to live) The local large and well known department store opened late just for them.
Her partner was greeted at the door, spoken to at length (every sentence prefaced with “Doctor her surname”. He was not a doctor, she was and they didn’t share a surname ) Her DP quietly corrected this senior salesman a couple of times. After a while of my friend looking around and being ignored she asked a question. The salesman turned to her DP ; “Dr Her Surname, your wife wants to know ....” before answering the question. She and DP exchanged a look. She firmly told the salesman that SHE was Dr xx, she was the reason the store had stayed open and HE (the salesman) had just lost his customer.
They left the store empty handed and never went back.

I had this when I was younger. I had saved like mad to buy my first motorbike. Went into the showroom and was ignored. So went up to one of the salesmen who immediately asked me if I was looking for present for my boyfriend and what size gloves/jacket he wore. When I said I wanted to buy that bike pointing at the one I wanted he laughed and said "really?" So I told him he had just lost himself a sale and walked out. Bought my bike from a lovely little shop somewhere else.

I've also had similar at one of those phone cases shops. I asked if they had anything for my phone and they produced a pink case. I asked if they had any other colours the guy went "but this ones pink and girls love pink." I just walked out. I'm bloody 37 and and hate pink.

@EmbarrassedUser

You should just tell them that you’re in a same sex relationship. Their head would explode with confusion and sexism.

Then their willy would fall off.

Maybe.

I recently put my house up for sale, I repeatedly told them it was my house, in my name and nothing to do with my partner. Put him on as a listed seller......

However, I recently bought a car at a popular dealer and the young lad who sold me it was fab. He talked to me only about the car whilst my partner was running around the showroom after our unruly toddler.

Use another company. Life is too short to be annoyed by strangers you then have to pay after they’ve annoyed you.

My family are builders and would never ask for a man to be present. You deal with the customer whoever it is.

We’ve been doing our house up for the last few months and I despise this.

Our electrician is the worst. He explains things to DH normally, then turns to me and explains again, as if I’m a 5 year old

We also had a new front door fitted a few weeks ago (by a national company, may I add) and I dealt with everything. Chose the door, made the payment with MY card, gave them MY contact details. Then our appointment confirmation and sales invoice both arrived addressed to Mr GoldStripes.

A lot of sales people insist on having both owners present as its easier to apply the pressure and not waste their time. If there is only one owner present, then they tend to get the excuse of having to check with the other owner first

This is absolutely the reason. With the odd exception.

I had a quotation for plantation blinds and they said they needed the decision maker present.

I said I am the decision maker. It's me paying and me deciding what blinds I want.

Nope they wanted either just my husband there or both of us. Didn't use them.

Had a company in to quote for fitted wardrobes, we were getting a number of quotes so wouldn’t be deciding that day no matter what. The rep came at 3.00 and tried to insist on staying until dh got back home so he could explain to him too. I only managed to get him to leave when I explained that sometimes dh doesn’t get home until 9 or 10 and sometimes he ends up staying the night in the town where he works. (I knew he wasn’t that night but the salesman didn’t).

My financially independent wife was looking to buy a car a few years back. She knew what she wanted and found a local sales room that had the model that she wanted and headed down for a test drive. Upon her arrival the salesman enquired as to where her husband was to help her make the decision. She walked off. Two weeks later she pulled up outside the showroom in her new car (purchased elsewhere), beeped the horn and waved at the muppet before driving off again.

DH got “little lady-Ed” at the fabric store when I sent him to buy fabric while I went to find upholstery tacks and foam to cover 2 old footstools. (It was 2 different bright patterned fabric)
He was asked about 4 times before they cut the measurement if his wife would be happy with the colour and should they wait to check.

I stood in the background laughing at him. He was bewildered why she just didn’t cut the fabric and kept asking if he was sure.

My DH had had a string of BMWs and wanted a new car so we went to the local BMW garage. We entered together, yet only DH was greeted. After looking around, we found the salesman who shook DH’s hand and offered him a coffee and showed him to a seat. I was totally ignored even though I was stood next to him. We went through the spec for a good 15 minutes and not once did he look at me or even acknowledge my presence. I bided my time to see what would happen.My DH wanted to think about it so just as we were about to leave I calmly told the salesman that not once had he acknowledged me, looked at or spoken to me and yet in the purchase of a car it was a joint decision etc. His face was a picture, shock mostly, I wasn’t rude, just pointing things out. We left and DH fancied a change so went for a different make elsewhere. I like to think the salesman thought it was because of what I’d said.

@TimeWastingButFun I wonder if I was the same garage

I like it when these idiots end up realising they have acted like an idiot.

I had some blinds put up in February, I had a very specific idea of what I wanted, I just needed to order them. Most companies insisted on measuring themselves which makes sense as then any wrong measurements are hopefully avoided. I had the style and shade number of each blind written down and I also stated that I wanted black accessories not white etc. The guy wanted my wifes views as she was the only choosing the blinds it seems and asked what time she would be getting home, despite the fact that he knew I lived alone. I kindly pointed out that my wife was infact studying in the office, so I shouted “Dave can you come here a minute?” (Obviously I used his actual name, not Dave) and then said to said salesman “I think you have a few questions for my wife” The level of bumbling made Johnson look like a coherent public speaker!

I took my cousin to buy a car, it must have been about three years ago. I only took her as she didn’t have a car at the time, I had been looking round the forecourt and went I went into the garage her face was an absolute picture. The salesman had refused to go through the sales procedure without me being present, when I asked him why I was needed funnily enough he couldn’t explain. He also cocked up his maths and had to honour his accidental £1,000 discount. Twat.

We had all our DSs new flat packed bedroom furniture delivered a few years ago. It was all put into the hallway and the delivery guy said to DH “you’ll be busy this weekend then” to which DH said “too right, she (indicating me) expects me to make a lot of tea while she builds this sort of thing, she’s much better at it than me”. (Actually we do it together but DH doesn’t like sexism).

I used to work for a very high profile consumer tech company. A guy gave me a really hard time at an exhibition stand because I refused his (totally unreasonable) request. He pointed at the grey haired man on the stand and demanded to talk to him so I called him over. Once again he didn’t get what he wanted so he asked to speak to the manager, at which point I was called back. He then flounced off. Oh, how we laughed.

He was not happy about doing the appointment without my husband present.

Or perhaps he wasn't happy to be in a situation where he was alone in the house with a woman. I can understand why this might be a problem for some men.

I've had plenty of experience of this but it was over a decade ago. I haven't had a problem with this in more recent years.

A lot of sales people insist on having both owners present as its easier to apply the pressure and not waste their time. If there is only one owner present, then they tend to get the excuse of having to check with the other owner first

And yet:

If its any consolation my husband was left to sort double glazing when i was at work. He was supposed to get a quote to discuss with me when i got home. The salesman did a lot of 'who wears the trousers here, cant you make a decision without the Mrs, this quotes only good for an hour - dont you have any balls

So it has to be a couple - or the man. But not the woman.

Lawyers kept wanting proof of ‘the gift’ from my father, and/or details of the boyfriend who would be living me. Obviously a lowly woman couldn’t have worked hard and saved. They delayed completion because they insisted they needed proof of the non-existent gift from some mystery man to verify my funds. Morons. Would never use them again

This sounds utterly astonishing. How long ago was this? Did they have no female staff or what?

I bought a car on my own last year (just took ds with me as he'll be driving it once he passes his test - sadly somewhat delayed due to covid). Anyway, I can honestly say I wasn't patronised at all. A sensible garage who didn't think a woman's money is less valuable than a man's!