Sexist home repairs

[thetrolleywitch]

Reminded of this by another thread... I had a person come around to do a quote for new fascias and guttering the other day. He was not happy about doing the appointment without my husband present.

We've renovated two houses over the years and I have done all of the project management, the plans, working with the builders etc etc. without needing help. My husband isn't particularly interested in the details and I'm happy to do it. I love a project!

The only other times that I've had this 'little woman' treatment have been with a replacement door and one of the companies that came round to quote for windows. I assumed in those cases that they wanted both owners present in case I was trying to lock him out but I don't get it with fascias!

AIBU to refuse to use a company for doing this? Also, tell me your stories of it happening to you to add to my righteous indignation 😂

@MoistMolly

A lot of sales people insist on having both owners present as its easier to apply the pressure and not waste their time. If there is only one owner present, then they tend to get the excuse of having to check with the other owner first.

Yes, we had that with Sandersons blinds. She insisted we were both at the appointment and she really tried to pressurise us to order. Horrific company! The product wasn't even suitable for our wooden windows.

When looking at a 4x4, I asked the salesman to open the back door, which he did, and said “plenty of room for your shopping in there.’

Patronising pillock. I went elsewhere.

AlCalavicci Good on you, don't know if I could have kept a straight face, my DH's ashes were scattered as per his wishes, but maybe I should have kept the container!

Not a house repair, but a religious group who door-knock neighbourhoods on a regular basis and won't take NO for an answer. Normally I don't open the door to them, but this day was expecting someone to arrive and didn't check first....damn!! They had knocked so hard and made a huge commotion so I told them to 'wait until I get DH as he works nights and I can hear him now, he's not happy at being woken by someone bashing down the door'.

They left quickly while looking over their shoulder...funny thing is DH had died several years prior (they didn't know that) but he did work nights and he would have appreciated the joke. I had a good laugh that day!

I keep some of his clothes to hang over the chair in the bedroom or drape across the end of the bed or just dump on the floor, solely for those times I have someone working in the house. They 'think' he's around and it stops a lot of the BS from them. What they don't know, won't hurt them although normally I don't tell lies, but in these cases it's self preservation.

When I was single I tried to get some quotes for some work. One of the blokes text me later and said he would do a discount if I slept with him.

I always presumed it was a safeguard against being falsely accused of something. Like how teachers are advised not to be alone with students and, if they are for whatever reason, to make sure they're visible to others through windows, open doors etc.

I rented a unit at 25. The owner of the set of 5 units decided to sell. The local (asshole) real estate agent decided it would be a good first ‘big’ sales campaign for his (idiot asshole) son to cut his teeth on.

The son was younger than me, but sooo patronising in all his dealings with me. Every viewing, every document, every interaction was sexist in the extreme. Over the 4 months (!) it took to sell the units, he took to dropping in to my place on various pretexts but mainly to mansplain how complicated his job was and how brilliant he was at it. Bit by bit he let slip loads of confidential info about the vendors and the real value of the units, and the problems he’d ‘papered over’ in order to sell. Clever boy.

I bided my time, then had my solicitor swoop in with a low-ball offer for my unit. I included lots of terms using the info he’d given me. He basically had no choice but to approve my offer, or be outed for the idiot that he was to his Daddy.

His face when he brought the sales docs around for me to sign was priceless. Even then he hopefully enquired if my father or boyfriend was perhaps ‘buying it for me’? I said that although all the men in my family had enjoyed the stories of the last few months regarding the sales campaign (all local business owners), they were not in my fortunate position of having a healthy house deposit saved. We were all however keenly interested in knowing all about any future investment properties he was involved in selling? He had the decency to turn beetroot coloured, and slink out.

I’d love to think I was a teachable moment for him, but sadly unlikely.

We went to buy a new family car and the salesman basically refused to talk to me & would only talk to my DH who didn’t realize anything was wrong until the salesman asked me what colour I wanted.

I responded ‘pink, I want it in pink’ in a extremely sarcastic and pissed off voice.

At which point my DH suggested we leave.... I actually wish I had the confidence to have said what I really thought rather than just do passive aggressive crap.

We were being shown around a house by a male estate agent and before he opened the kitchen door he asked my husband, "Does she cook? Wait til she sees this!" Then looking around the kitchen he kept making comments along the lines of, 'imagine the dinners she could whip up for you in here'. Knob.

I’d researched the car I wanted thoroughly before going to the showroom with DP. The salesman would only look at DP even though I asked all the questions and when the salesman asked DP questions he referred him back to me. I was so pissed off by it, as I definitely wanted that car, I booked a test drive with another branch (in another bloody county) and went back to the original. While the original salesman was still ignoring me, I went to the only saleswoman there and organised the purchase. The look on the salesman’s face when he finally realised that the person dropping 50k was the one he’d been ignoring almost made it worthwhile

A few years ago I was buying a car. For me, with my money.

My Dad drove me to a garage.

The idiot salesman kept talking to my Dad, even though I was the one asking questions. As I'm quite short the salesman was literally talking over my head to my Dad.

In the end I said 'I am buying the car, with my money. Do you think you could look at me please!' He didn't know how to respond to that!!

Then we left. Without buying a car.

Twat.

While viewing a house, the owner insisted that my wife stood at the sink so she could see the great view she'd have while washing up.

@SayakaMurata it’s so frustrating isn’t it? Think it was the easiest commission that particular saleswoman made! I got a courtesy feedback call from the car Head Office a few weeks after the car was delivered asking about my experience. After I’d outlined my annoyance in depth the person said ‘well ok, but most people just say fine when I ask’

@Reachfortheasteroid

It's also very short sighted of these companies, as we women have money to spend.

If I'm treated like that again, whether it's at another garage, or by a trades person, I will take my money with me and walk.

You should just tell them that you’re in a same sex relationship. Their head would explode with confusion and sexism.

Then their willy would fall off.

Maybe.

Just think of the poor wives/ girlfriends/ mothers who have to put up with them.

Not home repair related but I had this with my Ds’s teacher. At a parents evening whenever I asked a question, the teacher would physically shift his entire body to address the answer to my dh who remained silent for the entire meeting.

After a couple of times of him doing this I asked him if he thought my dh was an effeminate ventriloquist. By the end of the meeting he had slid down so far in his chair he was almost under the table. My dh did actually speak at this point to tell him he completely deserved the telling off he received.

@Mintjulia You’ve just reminded me of one now you say about that. We’ve just taken delivery of a brand new Tucson, around £25k. I’m the customer as it’s a Motability car and my name is on the lease. However, the guy 80% of the time spoke to DH, even following me asking questions. He made a weird comment about a button on the key fob that’s just for the boot as ‘ladies often lock their keys in there after carrying so much shopping’ 🤦‍♀️ I was quite glad when we drove off in the end.

I remember going to a local garage to look at cars and the salesman directing all conversation to DH. We didn’t buy a car from there. Plus I didn’t actually like the car.

Ha, this reminds me of the Father Ted episode when the female solicitor comes round and they refuse to believe she's a solicitor.

To be fair to the tradesman in the OP's case, a lot of men are less comfortable with appointments in a woman's home when there is nobody else present. If there is a claim of sexual harassment it becomes one person's word against the other's. It's much safer to have witnesses.

I get a lot of sexism at work. I'm a customer service supervisor for an area of suburban tube stations in London. Even though I wear a badge with my job description on it, male contractors often ask to speak to the "man in charge".

I've also been asked if my husband is happy I do the job I do, if I wouldn't prefer to go part-time (after having a baby), and faux shock with the accompanying, "I don't think I'd allow my wife/girlfriend/ daughter/mum do your job. You 're so brave." 90% of my time is giving out directions to passengers and making sure they don't hurt themselves. Hardly dangerous.

I think pressure sales companies that come to your house have so many sales tricks that you are quite entitled to use a partner as an excuse whether They exist or not.

I hate this. I'm a very practical single parent, brought up by another very practical single parent and I utterly dispise being patronised by salesmen.

I ordered a new kitchen a few years ago, would be doing the install myself (plumbing/plastering/electrics by an expert - I know my limits) and happened to be out with boyf when we called into the showrooms one afternoon. Boyf doesn't live with me.

I had one company insist on only booking a home visit when he was free

One company asked me about my must-haves but directed cost/finance questions to him

Third company chap went almost purple when I sat down at the design area and boyf wandered off to get some DIY bits for his own house, wouldn't have it that I was funding, managing and doing my own new kitchen so I walked off!

I've had the same experience with double glazing folk, had one yesterday that asked what time would my husband be home despite me correcting his use of Mrs to Miss. I hung up. His boss called back a few minutes later to ask how the booking call went and just couldn't understand my frustration of the assumption that a female couldn't be trusted to make that sort of decision/financial commitment by herself. Arseholes .

We had this with bloody Jaguar garage, we test drove a car recently, they directed most of it at my husband except anything to do with kids in the car or shopping in the boot 😡 then when they phoned us for a follow up opinion they asked to speak to Mr. I told them no need, we had chosen a different garage.

I'm a structural engineer. Everyone makes this mistake with me being female and have the audacity to take a job in a male dominated industry.

Only the once though...