My parents and their views on gay/bi relationships - potential trigger warning - I don't know how to act around them now.

[stillsatonthefence]

NC as it has nothing to do with my usual threads.
I don't know if it matters but - I'm straight and this isn't about me personally.

For some reason the subject of being gay/straight/bi has been brought up when I visited my parents recently.I do not feel any different towards people based on their sexual preferences just as I do not feel any different towards anyone based on their skin colour or nationality and I think it's all a ridiculous prejudice to have.

My DM and DF are only early 50s and consider themselves fairly "young" in their mindset but have such a horrible opinion on it and I don't know how to feel about them after it became obvious a couple of weeks ago.
Things my DF said:

• same sex couples should not be allowed to marry or adopt children. I asked him what difference does it make to him and he said it offends him and marriage is for man and woman.
• He said he's ok with the fact some people are in same sex relationships but he doesn't want to see it or witness any PDA.
• children of same sex couples become gay themselves - when I asked even if it's true what's wrong about that he couldn't justify it
• he doesn't like the mannerisms of gay men and the way they behave
• tried implying gay men want to adopt "little boys" for "a reason" - I shot the conversation down there as I was completely incredulous and angry and pointed out he's clearly mistaken and talking about paedophiles not same sex couples.

Interestingly most of his statements were talking about gay men not lesbians.

My DM stayed rather silent in all this then afterwards when it was just me and her she said she doesn't mind what they choose to do but finds the thought of two men together intimately rather repulsive and icky - I was quite wound up by that point and told her that I'm sure they find the thought of a man and woman together "repulsive" too. She also said if she was adopted she wouldn't have wanted to be brought up by two men or two women - I literally had no words, just said that I don't think any child that gets adopted and welcomed into a loving, stable home and family would give two hoots if the adoptive parents gay, straight or two horned aliens with flames shooting out of their backsides.

The thing is I left completely dumbfounded at the ignorance and prejudice. I keep flashing back to the things my DF said and my mind just goes into a spin at the stupid statements.
I haven't seen them since but have had brief conversations over the phone but for some reason I feel weird about seeing them again (due this weekend) after the conversation we had.

In my head all I can think of is if either of my (currently very young) DCs ever come out as gay/bi or whatever they will be ostracised and treated differently by my parents going on their current opinions and I just want to run for the hills.

How do I proceed with this knowledge? Do I just studiously avoid any attempts at the subject next time I see them? Pretend the conversation didn't happen? Set them straight and tell them off?

AIBU to have such strong feelings about this?

So bizarre when people are so obsessed with the private lives of others IMHO . Wouldn’t occur to me to judge other people’s family set up.

I'm extremely petty, so I would tell my dad that statistically straight white men make up the majority of paedophiles. So my child will not be left alone with him.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Because this issue has connotations with LGBT & quite simply minority rights are now somewhat superior to human rights, even those of children.

Hence an adult's 'right' to a child comes before the child's 'right' to know their biological parent(s).

And if you disagree, you're something-phobic.

🤷‍♀️

You can't police what people think. You can refuse to discuss it or object to their views but you can't tell them what to think.

You can't police what people think.

I can tell them their views are bullshit and that I no longer respect them as a person or want anything to do with them, though. And unless they have shared what they think, I wouldn't know, so as far as I'm concerned, once their views are out there it's fair game to slate them.

An uncle could never love you like a father does.
What tosh!

Hence an adult's 'right' to a child comes before the child's 'right' to know their biological parent(s) 100% - sad when like we’ve noted it’s usually those with the most stable, conventional upbringing who seem to dismiss the feelings of vulnerable children as genuine concerns as irrelevant.

[quote Wolfgirrl]@OnlyFoolsnMothers

Because this issue has connotations with LGBT & quite simply minority rights are now somewhat superior to human rights, even those of children.

Hence an adult's 'right' to a child comes before the child's 'right' to know their biological parent(s).

And if you disagree, you're something-phobic.

🤷‍♀️[/quote]
"Minority rights" are human rights.

Do you have any actual evidence that same-sex parents are worse for children than opposite sex?

@Iwalkinmyclothing

It isnt tosh.

Like anything else in life there are always exceptions. But an uncle, aunty or family friend is generally not going to love you like a parent does.

I find it quite horrifying how dismissive people are of biological parents, like they're essentially just carers and the role can be fulfilled be anyone.

They're the building blocks of your life, where it all begins. You are chemically bonded to them, you carry their DNA, you grow inside your mother's womb.

To intentionally deprive somebody of that relationship is heartless and arrogant.

Don’t be so ridiculous. Embryos haven’t got a clue re anything other than what they know. Children just need loving parents. One size does not fit all, if it did none of us would be parents as the vast majority of us aren’t providing perfection.

You are turning this thread into a carbon copy of the one that got deleted.

Will Young has a book coming out in Sep about gay shame. How to be a Gay Man

Do you have any actual evidence that same-sex parents are worse for children than opposite sex? your asking the wrong question. Biological parents are the best parents, doesn’t mean they can’t have additional “parents”- look at all the fabulous blended and step families. The issue we have is orchestrating a situation where a child is denied a biological parent.
Could you answer my question then why it’s amazing for a baby to be taken away from it’s birth mum to fulfill the wants of two men, but why it’s tragic if a birth mother dies in labour?

Why do children need biological parents?

PastaSwirl2 so you dismiss The fourth trimester,
Colostrum, the benefit of keeping a birth mum with its young?

It’s tragic because somebody has died in agony. Is that not obvious.

Why do children need biological parents? go tell all the kids in care how lucky they are

Pretty much yes. I thought it was shit with all my 3 and highly over rated. All they want is food,sleep and clean nappies. They really don’t care who is providing it.

It’s tragic because somebody has died in agony the baby doesn’t know that- is it sadder for the baby than being taken from a surrogate?

The children in care need loving good parents. For most their biological parents were anything but.

PastaSwirl2 very sad to hear that, but good luck to you and “your children”

The baby won’t have a clue.

Good biological parents are the optimum, shit happens but I wouldn’t deprive a baby of a mum because mine died and “I did ok”

The baby won’t have a clue simplistic views I can’t argue with sorry

Really don’t see why biological is optimum and what is good?

YANBU OP to have such strong feelings, and it looks like you've found a method that will work with what you know of them through all these side tangents. It's what I ended up doing while I had to stay near mine, though I ended up going NC for different reasons. Interestingly, my far older in-laws were only ever concerned that their loved ones would get hurt by assholes and asked them to take care with who they tell.

Regarding the tangents, I agree with previous posters that I don't see why donor-conception should be brought up on a thread when the OP specifically and repeatedly said adoption and never mentioned donor-conception. Same-sex couples are not the main users of this - the wealthy are - so it does feel like either one associates their dislike of the process with a dislike of gay people or one just wants to wedge one's agena in wherever remotely close.

I'm not certain there is a way to make an ideal without ignoring reality rarely is. Plenty of people are damaged through having to know and live with both of their biological parents, f-m marriages aren't always the most stable and I'm wary of anything that holds biological parents as somehow automatically more loving than someone else as this has been part of leaving kids in dangerous situation.

F-m marriages are also not guarantee someone knows their biological parents, to make it a human right, we'd have to give everyone the right and access to a DNA test. Plenty have been raised with stories of their 'real' dad which ended up being bollocks both when the father who raised them wasn't and when he was but people told stories.

The response from donor-conceived adults has been mixed, as to be expected, everyone reacts to that differently. Some agree with the idea that they've felt something was missing, others it barely a thought. I think there are too many factors involved to condemn it, but I can see why some view distant surrogacy (rather than one my a close friend or family member) as something that shouldn't be praised & question the same with sperm donation.

Really don’t see why biological is optimum and what is good? if don’t see genetics then anything more than an eye colour then that’s up to you, children can fairly become a commodity then.