My parents and their views on gay/bi relationships - potential trigger warning - I don't know how to act around them now.

[stillsatonthefence]

NC as it has nothing to do with my usual threads.
I don't know if it matters but - I'm straight and this isn't about me personally.

For some reason the subject of being gay/straight/bi has been brought up when I visited my parents recently.I do not feel any different towards people based on their sexual preferences just as I do not feel any different towards anyone based on their skin colour or nationality and I think it's all a ridiculous prejudice to have.

My DM and DF are only early 50s and consider themselves fairly "young" in their mindset but have such a horrible opinion on it and I don't know how to feel about them after it became obvious a couple of weeks ago.
Things my DF said:

• same sex couples should not be allowed to marry or adopt children. I asked him what difference does it make to him and he said it offends him and marriage is for man and woman.
• He said he's ok with the fact some people are in same sex relationships but he doesn't want to see it or witness any PDA.
• children of same sex couples become gay themselves - when I asked even if it's true what's wrong about that he couldn't justify it
• he doesn't like the mannerisms of gay men and the way they behave
• tried implying gay men want to adopt "little boys" for "a reason" - I shot the conversation down there as I was completely incredulous and angry and pointed out he's clearly mistaken and talking about paedophiles not same sex couples.

Interestingly most of his statements were talking about gay men not lesbians.

My DM stayed rather silent in all this then afterwards when it was just me and her she said she doesn't mind what they choose to do but finds the thought of two men together intimately rather repulsive and icky - I was quite wound up by that point and told her that I'm sure they find the thought of a man and woman together "repulsive" too. She also said if she was adopted she wouldn't have wanted to be brought up by two men or two women - I literally had no words, just said that I don't think any child that gets adopted and welcomed into a loving, stable home and family would give two hoots if the adoptive parents gay, straight or two horned aliens with flames shooting out of their backsides.

The thing is I left completely dumbfounded at the ignorance and prejudice. I keep flashing back to the things my DF said and my mind just goes into a spin at the stupid statements.
I haven't seen them since but have had brief conversations over the phone but for some reason I feel weird about seeing them again (due this weekend) after the conversation we had.

In my head all I can think of is if either of my (currently very young) DCs ever come out as gay/bi or whatever they will be ostracised and treated differently by my parents going on their current opinions and I just want to run for the hills.

How do I proceed with this knowledge? Do I just studiously avoid any attempts at the subject next time I see them? Pretend the conversation didn't happen? Set them straight and tell them off?

AIBU to have such strong feelings about this?

It didn’t make me laugh,just made me realise why my son hates himself so much and what a massive mountain we have to climb to get him well again.

It starts in the home and needs to be called out every single time.

I wasnt laughing at the content.

What were you laughing at then?

The way you told it, I felt you had a great attitude to these ignorant people, and came across as someone who I would get on well with IRL

‘ It didn’t make me laugh,just made me realise why my son hates himself so much and what a massive mountain we have to climb to get him well again.

It starts in the home and needs to be called out every single time.’

Totally agree. I’m nearly 50 and still having to listen to this homophobic crap. But I wouldn’t live my life any other way, and luckily for me my family were and are 100% supportive which helps when randoms on the internet or in life start questioning whether or not you have the right to exist, live your life openly or even have children.

‘ It just couldn’t stay, several people were agreeing (including wolfgirrl) that men shouldn’t be able to have children in any way without a woman because otherwise they would sexually abuse them.’

I think of the amazing two dads families I know and the ignorance of this makes my blood boil. There’s the dads who adopted their niece and nephew after years of unofficial fostering when their drug addicted mother couldn’t care for them then killed her self.
The dads who foster kids with severe disabilities that no/one else ones.
The dads who adopted all 4 siblings who’d been spilt up for years and put in foster homes after fostering one of them and realising what had happened to the children. They’d no j tension of having 4 kids but now the siblings are all together in a loving home.
Another set of dads who have adopted a relatives kids, the alcoholic/drug addicted parents let the kids be severely neglected and kids have fetal alcohol syndrome.
I could go on.

@Gaylordfockr

I never said that or anything that inferred it.

How many more times?

@PastaSwirl2 there’s a series of videos called ‘it gets better’ - check out their website. Lots of inspirational stories from LGBTQ people, many of whom suffered when they were younger because of homophobic attitudes and bigotry, for people just coming out to show them that it is okay to be queer and their lives will get better.

It’s heartening to know that despite the Wolfgirrls of the world, or the homophobic grandparents in the world or the countries like Poland waging war on their own queer citizens that there are many, many people out there who aren’t homophobic, and many, many gay people who are happy and fulfilled being their true selves. I honestly couldn’t be happier as I am, and can’t imagine being any other way.

Gaylordfockr Not one person has agreed with the ludicrous notion that gay=paedophile, disgusting disgraceful and simply not true!

The adoption cases you list are heartwarming and I have no doubt 2 men can be great parents. The argument has always been gay parents orchestrating having a baby And the implications for the child eg surrogacy. What’s the difference between me as a child growing up without a mother because she died and a child whose gay father orchestrated for their child not to have a mother...genuine question?

@Gaylordfockr

You cannot call me homophobic unless you point out something I have said which is homophobic, or tell me how objecting to surrogacy/donor conception is homophobic.

You cant so you just flying insults about.

You're fanning the flames of homophobia by wheeling it out as a defence without any justification.

@MarrymeTomHardy

The way you told it, I felt you had a great attitude to these ignorant people, and came across as someone who I would get on well with IRL

Sorry if I came across harshly, its just some things aren’t suitable for LoL, I also think this is the first time I have ever written LoL!

[quote Wolfgirrl]@Gaylordfockr

You cannot call me homophobic unless you point out something I have said which is homophobic, or tell me how objecting to surrogacy/donor conception is homophobic.

You cant so you just flying insults about.

You're fanning the flames of homophobia by wheeling it out as a defence without any justification.[/quote]
You said two men and women shouldn't raise a child because children need male and female influence without any actual evidence.

No problem, I have removed it anyway as I in no way intended any any offence!
I will be more aware if my use of Lol in the future

@PastaSwirl2 Following another members recommendation there are lots of great resources, some you likely know already, so apologies if you have heard of all/some of these.

BBC Iplayer Olly Alexander Growing up gay (also very good for parents to watch)
Yay! You’re gay! Now what?! A gay boy guide to life
Straight jacket by Matthew Todd
Special by Ryan O’connell (also now a netflix show)

You said two men and women shouldn't raise a child because children need male and female influence without any actual evidence well I’m evidence, I missed out on having a mother. If a parent dies you say “it doesn’t matter because you don’t need your two bio parents”?

@stillsatonthefence ‘it gets better’ is a great site for people who have homophobic views to see the harm their ‘beliefs’ can have and to show how gay people are just like everyone else.

I’m part of an organisation for LGBTQ parents and I can tell you now there isn’t a single LGBTQ parent out there who doesn’t understand the need for their kids to have both male and female positive roles models in their lives.

Another thinking 50 year old parents should know better/have moved on from homophobia/racism but look at Tommy Robinson's supporters. My ma would have been 95 by now, much more open minded than these people 30 or more years younger. She might have added judge not that ye be judged.

both male and female positive roles models in their lives that wasn’t the question it was about 2 biological parents.
How come a surrogate handing over a new born to a gay couple for example is seen as progressive and fantastic but a mother dying is child birth and leaving a child without its mother is seen as tragic? Is it the sex of the parents that matter, is it the number of parents in your opinion ?
It’s quite obvious that lots of people whose genetic parents leave them through choice or die feel they missed out on something, it doesn’t mean they are less of a person. I consider myself a well rounded person but I strive to be alive and around for my children.
I just wish people could admit it’s a selfish choice.

Do they live in a particularly conservative part of the country OP?

@Gaylordfockr

But they are not their parent.

An uncle could never love you like a father does.

Why do I feel the inconvenient truth doesn’t fit the modern, “progressive” narrative
Anyway loving the avoidance.

Be interesting to know if they have similar views on race etc. Or is it just homophobia that’s the issue