My parents and their views on gay/bi relationships - potential trigger warning - I don't know how to act around them now.

[stillsatonthefence]

NC as it has nothing to do with my usual threads.
I don't know if it matters but - I'm straight and this isn't about me personally.

For some reason the subject of being gay/straight/bi has been brought up when I visited my parents recently.I do not feel any different towards people based on their sexual preferences just as I do not feel any different towards anyone based on their skin colour or nationality and I think it's all a ridiculous prejudice to have.

My DM and DF are only early 50s and consider themselves fairly "young" in their mindset but have such a horrible opinion on it and I don't know how to feel about them after it became obvious a couple of weeks ago.
Things my DF said:

• same sex couples should not be allowed to marry or adopt children. I asked him what difference does it make to him and he said it offends him and marriage is for man and woman.
• He said he's ok with the fact some people are in same sex relationships but he doesn't want to see it or witness any PDA.
• children of same sex couples become gay themselves - when I asked even if it's true what's wrong about that he couldn't justify it
• he doesn't like the mannerisms of gay men and the way they behave
• tried implying gay men want to adopt "little boys" for "a reason" - I shot the conversation down there as I was completely incredulous and angry and pointed out he's clearly mistaken and talking about paedophiles not same sex couples.

Interestingly most of his statements were talking about gay men not lesbians.

My DM stayed rather silent in all this then afterwards when it was just me and her she said she doesn't mind what they choose to do but finds the thought of two men together intimately rather repulsive and icky - I was quite wound up by that point and told her that I'm sure they find the thought of a man and woman together "repulsive" too. She also said if she was adopted she wouldn't have wanted to be brought up by two men or two women - I literally had no words, just said that I don't think any child that gets adopted and welcomed into a loving, stable home and family would give two hoots if the adoptive parents gay, straight or two horned aliens with flames shooting out of their backsides.

The thing is I left completely dumbfounded at the ignorance and prejudice. I keep flashing back to the things my DF said and my mind just goes into a spin at the stupid statements.
I haven't seen them since but have had brief conversations over the phone but for some reason I feel weird about seeing them again (due this weekend) after the conversation we had.

In my head all I can think of is if either of my (currently very young) DCs ever come out as gay/bi or whatever they will be ostracised and treated differently by my parents going on their current opinions and I just want to run for the hills.

How do I proceed with this knowledge? Do I just studiously avoid any attempts at the subject next time I see them? Pretend the conversation didn't happen? Set them straight and tell them off?

AIBU to have such strong feelings about this?

Suggesting in a parenting site that donor conceived children shouldn’t exist is pretty shitty.

Another silly contortion. You can say certain circumstances regarding a person's conception are not ideal without wishing them out of existence. You wouldn't make that remark about people conceived through rape.

WolfGirrl children have been conceived with donor eggs and donor sperm since the early 80s. Please share your evidence (actual evidence, not anecdotes in a Guardian article) that these children have all been psychologically damaged.

Wolfgirrl you say that choosing to bring about a child this way is morally wrong. Therefore you think I should not have had my child along with many other parents on this site.

Comparing that to rape is fucking sick on your part. That’s not a choice.

Fucking hell thats pretty shocking And they are in their early fifties, hardly Victorians . Have they always been like this?!

This is what I was thinking. How did you not know their abhorrent opinions?

Honestly, stop feeding the wolf troll, there’s nothing anyone could say that wouldn’t get some wind up answer

@Fishisjumpin why am I a troll? Because I disagree with you?

@chatterbugmegastar you know I wasnt comparing it to rape. I was just giving another example of how a conception can be morally wrong yet of course you wouldn't wish that person away. But carry on with your phoney outrage

Sorry last comment meant for @Coldilox

Apologies @chatterbugmegastar

[quote Wolfgirrl]@Fishisjumpin why am I a troll? Because I disagree with you?

@chatterbugmegastar you know I wasnt comparing it to rape. I was just giving another example of how a conception can be morally wrong yet of course you wouldn't wish that person away. But carry on with your phoney outrage[/quote]
Well for one thing you're derailing the thread with your bizarre views on donorship which, if it they're not homophobic as you claim, have nothing to do with the OP.

@Komacho I was replying to another post and it went from there.

Why is it homophobic to not agree with donor conception? Nobody has actually told me

@Komacho exactly!
And they’re hardly useful re: advice to the OP about what to do about her bizarrely homophobic parents.

Why is it bizarre to think a child should know their bio parents?!

I have come to the conclusion that while I disagree with OP's parents, I can see that there is little room for them to change their mind as true discussion simply doesnt exist anymore. The moment you say anything someone disagrees with they scream BIGOT and denounce you as a troll (what does that even mean?). People go on about people like OP's parents 'educating themselves' etc but how can they if nobody is ever willing to engage in discussion?

My BFF's parents had massive issues with me when I came out, didn't want me to be her MOH ( I was) didn't want me to have a plus one at the wedding as everyone would talk ( I did and they didn't) and then to top it all BFF asked me to be godmother to her PFB and they put their foot down and said NO WAY !! I am godmother to PFB.
As far as I'm aware she stuck up for me, refused to listen to their homophobic bleating and told them to get used to the idea.
Seems to have worked, they're always fine to my face and my wife's, and haven't said anything to my kids, when we see them ( which thankfully isn't often). But the main thing was no-one pandered to their bigotry...
Do the same OP and you should be fine. Friend tolerates her parents because of their bigotry and views, rather than enjoys seeing them which is a shame and the parents loss as they have much less contact with their own grandchildren as a result.

I wasn't even talking about you, Wolfgirrl, wtf.

@Wolfgirrl

It's absolutely possible to have a 'true discussion' about the ethics of assisted conception but - you know - maybe read the room? I'm an egg donor, at least two other people here appear to have become parents through egg and/or sperm donation, and your argument boils down to, essentially, repeating over and over again, "it's just wrong. You're just wrong".

People have engaged with you in an attempt to nail down what in particular you find problematic. This started off being that children have a right to know who their biological parents are, but then when I pointed out that children born through assisted conception do have that right, though sometimes they don't get to exercise it (which I do agree is wrong) your objection changed to something else, which you have so far failed to elucidate.

As well as not clearly outlining your own position, you've chosen the most emotionally involved interlocutors you could possibly have found - people who have started their families though assisted conception. So obviously it's going to be very difficult to have a dispassionate debate - though in reality I'm not sure that's what you actually want: I think you just want to find some people who agree with you. I'm sure many do, just not on this thread.

I also appreciate I'm continuing a massive tangent and I apologise to the OP for my own part in that. I think it's a shame Wolfgirrl's original thread was taken down because I would have been happy to discuss this there - and anyone who found it too distressing to read could have just hidden it.

@MaggieAndHopey

I also appreciate I'm continuing a massive tangent and I apologise to the OP for my own part in that. I think it's a shame Wolfgirrl's original thread was taken down because I would have been happy to discuss this there - and anyone who found it too distressing to read could have just hidden it.

It just couldn’t stay, several people were agreeing (including wolfgirrl) that men shouldn’t be able to have children in any way without a woman because otherwise they would sexually abuse them.

Ah, OK. I'm sorry, I didn't know that.

@Wolfgirrl I agree. It's 'My way or the Highway' and there is so much aggression if you don't agree. I have been called a racist as I do not in anyway agree with Halal killing but wasn't allowed to explain why! !! It's easier to just read these threads than answer unless you have hours free to defend yourself lol

No Warsawa31 they are not entitled to their views.

My 16 year old son is currently struggling with chronic depression, anxiety and self hatred due to homophobic bullying, language and views he reads repeatedly in the media.

Instead of going to school in September doibg Alevels my very bright sweet boy will be in his darkened room with the curtains closed 24/7 wishing he was dead.

Homophobic views and rhetoric cause damage, huge damage. The suicide rates and MH issues amongst the LGBT community is high.Op call them out and educate them.

@SimonJT

men shouldn’t be able to have children in any way without a woman because otherwise they would sexually abuse them.

I have NEVER said this in any way shape or form. What planet are you on? You're a fantasist that is shamelessly lying!

@nicky7654

Exactly. They find a minority demographic linked to your issue and insist you must hate them instead of just objecting to the issue

I too disagree with Halal. Because it is an animal rights atrocity. But that is halal I am against, not Muslims.

In the same way I am again donor conception not same sex, or heterosexual, people that use it.

A lot of young people I know also have the same views as your parents so I’m not sure it’s an age thing.
YANBU for being so upset about it but I would just ignore it to be honest