Aghhh MIL

[misstiggiwinkle]

My hugely overbearing, manipulative and down right rude expat MIL has just announced that she will be arriving at our house on Thursday morning (at 5.30am) straight off a flight from Hong Kong (where she lives) as they are going into a new lockdown on Wednesday due to rising corona cases.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with dc3, my husband is also on the vulnerable list. We have been extremely careful for the last 4 months and other than my 5yr old going to school with very draconian social distancing (squares in the playground, classes of 7 etc) and now the bloody woman wants to cross the world on a long haul flight, travel to us on public transport and pitch up for 'breakfast'. AIBU to say no?! And if IANBU then how to I stop her turning up regardless as she's that sort?

Her plans are then to 'hop on a train' to Edinburgh next week to go and stay with her 83yr old mother and visit her daughter along the way (who by the way is a hospital DR). I just feel like it's so painfully selfish and just because she fancies a holiday.

NO.

She's downright rude? Good. That means you don't need to bother being tactful. Communicate with her the way she communicates with you.

How has she 'announced' this - email? Text? Sounds as if you've yet to react/respond. If so:

'What the hell? How dare you just announce that you're turning up on our doorstep! The answer is no. No way. I'm pregnant, we are both vulnerable, we are already busy and stressed. How utterly RUDE of you to think you aren't even obliged to ask if it's ok to come and stay in our home. I am absolutely furious MIL - I would have expected better of you. Don't turn up on our doorstep as we will not be able to let you in for very obvious reasons. We will not risk infection. If you arrive on the door I'll simply call a taxi and pre-book you into a travelodge until you can go back to (sister).'

Time to explode. Shock her. If she's a rude manipulative cow, it's probably long overdue and will make your life easier from here on in. Get angry.

What will your H say? I'm assuming he'll roll over, as this is how these situations develop in the first place. If so - time to shock him too. Roar.

Tell your dh if he opens the door to her they will both be locked out.
Send her the suggested email today.
Off dh's phone!!

I agree that you should be very direct with her and say NO but maybe not quite so rude as suggested above

Tell her you'll be delighted to meet her for coffee after she's quarantined at a hotel for 2 weeks. Keep the doors locked.

I’d tell her she needs to book a hotel for two week quarantine.

Or get DH to tell her straight!

Tell her no!
Better yet get DH to tell her no!

Absolutely not! Not a chance she'd be stepping through the door. How bloody stupid and selfish. This is how the virus spread so badly in the first place. If where she lives is going into lockdown then she aught to stay there and lockdown.

Don't be passive, op. Put a stop to this right now.

This is how it spread around the world so quickly. Tell her no, and don't open the door to her, or she'll just barge in.

You haven't said what your husband thinks. Is he one of those who does whatever she tells him to do?

”MIL has just announced that she will be arriving at our house on Thursday morning (at 5.30am) straight off a flight from Hong Kong (where she lives)”

Erm, is she FUCK!
Get your DH to tell her no way will this be happening and to not take any of her nonsense!

"Hi, what a shame you didn't check with us. We're shielding due to us both being vulnerable so will be unable to host due to you being a risk to us. Best wishes."

What the actual cock???? No fucking way. You and DH need to say no now, tell her you're being decent people (unlike her) and telling her before she even books her taxi to the airport that she's not coming to yours, she either sorts her own hotel and stays there for 2 weeks before you entertain the idea of seeing her or she can just stay away.

Hey your DH to say no, don’t know why it’s should be your job to tell his mother that she can’t stay!🤷‍♀️

Get

No,No, No. After that, I am concerned that she thinks it is OK to visit her 83 year old mother, who may be less able to turn her away. What is thematter with people like this?

did you watch the TV programme last night on how Covid spread?. OMG keep your doors locked !!! She should not be allowed into the country.

@forrestgreen

"Hi, what a shame you didn't check with us. We're shielding due to us both being vulnerable so will be unable to host due to you being a risk to us. Best wishes."

This is perfect. Any further contact from her can be met with feigned confusion and helpfully reminding her of guidelines etc. Kill her with kindness!

She’s taken leave of her senses. Supply her with details of a hotel and tell her that’s where she’s staying. No discussion. No argument. Don’t send her an email like the one upthread, it’s just playing into her hands.

I think I'd go with forrestgreen's response, followed by fizzygreen's if she argues. And get in touch with her daughter, so you can try and all sing from the same song sheet and protect her mother.

I think I'd just message her back saying "No you're not".

When she inevitably replies, outline to her: a) She needs to be quarantined anyway, coming from abroad and from somewhere with covid re-spiking.
b) It isn't really suitable for her to visit ANY of the people she plans to descend on, due to age, profession, medical reasons etc, especially before quarantine. Therefore you won't let her across your threshold, more fool the others if they do.
c) Is she sure she can afford the £££ for a hotel until she's sure its safe to go back to HK. Especially as she will be quite lonely due to aforementioned restrictions on people she plans to visit. Mean it.

@forrestgreen response is perfect. What a horrendous woman your MIL is

Simply impossible.
If she insists on coming to the UK I would send her links to Air b&b as you can’t risk your families health. As she will require long term accommodation and certainly two weeks quarantine best to have cooking facilities. Also send links to blind shopping, take away a etc.

Make it clear you will not see her!

Well, obviously it's for your DH to tell her.

He tells her NO, we are not having guests because of covid. End.

Well that's a no.

What does your DH think?