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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aghhh MIL

236 replies

misstiggiwinkle · 28/07/2020 11:21

My hugely overbearing, manipulative and down right rude expat MIL has just announced that she will be arriving at our house on Thursday morning (at 5.30am) straight off a flight from Hong Kong (where she lives) as they are going into a new lockdown on Wednesday due to rising corona cases.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant with dc3, my husband is also on the vulnerable list. We have been extremely careful for the last 4 months and other than my 5yr old going to school with very draconian social distancing (squares in the playground, classes of 7 etc) and now the bloody woman wants to cross the world on a long haul flight, travel to us on public transport and pitch up for 'breakfast'. AIBU to say no?! And if IANBU then how to I stop her turning up regardless as she's that sort?

Her plans are then to 'hop on a train' to Edinburgh next week to go and stay with her 83yr old mother and visit her daughter along the way (who by the way is a hospital DR). I just feel like it's so painfully selfish and just because she fancies a holiday. Angry

OP posts:
LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 29/07/2020 15:53

We've said she's not welcome repeatedly, queue phone call from
FIL to DH to say how much he's upsetting his mother etc etc. DH is now making noises about going to meet her for a coffee outside when she arrives...me and the dcs will not be joining. She will pull a stunt like 'oh I'll just leave my massive suitcase at your house' etc and worm her way in. It's what she does and it's happened before

Sorry, but grow a bloody backbone - do not FFS let her in your house! No wonder she's coming if you do let her in - she'll know she can just walk all over you.
You've repeatedly said no? So she cannot turn round and say she didn't know then, can she? Massive cheeky fucker playing you for a mug.

diddl · 29/07/2020 16:16

I'd tell him if he meets her he has to quarantine-he'd hardly admit if he gets closer than he should!

Original poster
misstiggiwinkle · 29/07/2020 16:23

Trust me I have a backbone and have had many a show down with her. But she's like Teflon, nothing sticks and she does it anyway. Her ability to get her own way is quite astounding and she'll use every trick in the book. She's currently twisting all the screws on DH and he's doing his best to bat them away but she gets mean and spiteful.

She's the sort that despite me saying I don't want her taking photos of me immediately after the birth of DS1 to her face, promised she wouldn't and then took a secretive one and put it on Facebook. I went mental, she said my reaction was purely hormonal and she is just a proud granny wanting to show off 'her' grandson... do you see where I'm going with this

OP posts:
IntermittentParps · 29/07/2020 16:31

Once your DH goes to meet her for a coffee, lock the doors. Make clear you will NOT let her in. And don't let her leave her suitcase at your house; she can leave it on the pavement if she must, and no you won't be keeping an eye on it for her.

Your DH needs a serious kick up the arse.

OliviaBenson · 29/07/2020 16:36

Wtf is your DH going to meet her for coffee? Just don't see her, answer the door etc. You have a huge DH problem here. She can't stay if you don't let her. Him meeting her alone will mean she persuaded him to bring her back. You know this!

LBTM · 29/07/2020 16:38

You should play the 'bad grandparent' card. Tell her that you know she wouldn't want to risk her unborn grandchild - doesn't covid increase the risks of premature birth and complications?

SnuggyBuggy · 29/07/2020 16:45

You need to either get your DH on board or move out for a bit.

rainbowstardrops · 29/07/2020 16:47

Just. Stand. Your. Ground.

Make it crystal clear to DH that she won't be staying and if he meets her, without a two week quarantine, then he would put you all at risk and it isn't happening. End of!!!!

I wouldn't budge an inch.

Greyblueeyes · 29/07/2020 16:47

Your DH is the problem here. He's making noises to you like he has been firm and said no to his mother. That way he can act like he just can't stop his mom so you don't get angry at him.

I can almost guarantee that he's telling his mom something different. At the very least, he is telling his mother that you are just nervous because of the pregnancy and of course you will relent and let her stay because she's taken such a long trip to come and visit you!

You need to put your foot down. NOW.

And I would say no more of this "hiding in the spare room" while he talks to him mom. I can assure you that he is playing both sides.

You need to get mad as hell at him for not making your family his priority.

forrestgreen · 29/07/2020 16:53

Definitely lock the doors and tell dh you will be doing that.
Don't forget about the problems of him getting in a car with her, either pack your bags or his.

Patricia333 · 29/07/2020 17:42

Have you thought about asking DH to surrender his phone to you?

When MIL calls, answer it and say he’s hiding in the bathroom and can’t come to the phone. Hang up. Let her make what she will of that! ! !

DartmoorDoughnut · 29/07/2020 17:47

Wow just wow. What an absolute grade A twat your MIL is Angry

teabaseddiet · 29/07/2020 17:52

Op - if he leaves the house to meet her, double lock the door/put the chain on and don't let him back in unless he's alone (or until he's quarantined!)

Ronnie68 · 29/07/2020 18:08

No no and NO

OverTheRainbow88 · 29/07/2020 18:13

Wtf is wrong with the woman. Say no now so she knows to not even bother coming near your home as she won’t be let in. In fact get her son to do it.

My friend wanted to fly from a high risk country and stay the night at our house on the way to a party elsewhere... I said no thanks!!

lockdownalli · 29/07/2020 18:18

I've told DH that if he gets closer than 2m from her then he will need to quarantine for 2 weeks away from us...

OP you need to stick to this. Rigidly.

This is the time to stand your ground or you may as well just give up.

She Will Not Pass.

BoomyBooms · 29/07/2020 18:21

Is there any way you can all go out for the day so noone is home when she arrives? It would have to be for the whole day though so hopefully she won't just sit outside your front door waiting. Have you got a good neighbour who could let you know when she is gone?

Happynow001 · 29/07/2020 18:26

@SnuggyBuggy

You need to either get your DH on board or move out for a bit.

Actually if DH doesn't get on board HE should move out for a while. And yes to locking MIL/FIL and their luggage outside the house.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/07/2020 18:35

That would be better but I'm not sure about the legality of locking him out.

LizB62A · 29/07/2020 18:41

She sounds like a complete nightmare
But, if your husband doesn't stand up to her then you've got a massive problem

Good luck !

forrestgreen · 29/07/2020 18:58

Ask your husband to choose.
All of your health
Or
His mothers feelings

midwifeyNC · 29/07/2020 19:39

Ugh she sounds like a bloody nightmare

mnahmnah · 29/07/2020 19:45

You said she is also visiting your SIL, who is a Dr? What is her view on this? Is she more likely to get MIL to listen to sense?

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/07/2020 19:51

Good luck tomorrow. When dh goes to meet her, lock the door and put the key in so he can’t unlock when he gets back until you’ve checked she’s not with him.

Jeschara · 29/07/2020 19:55

Do not let her in, she is just thoughtless and nasty. I feel sorry for your husband but he needs to say a resounding NO.

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