To think that children wouldn’t actually prefer happy parents living separately

[talesfrommyancestors]

I actually would like to be proved wrong here so it’s not a provocative title, but I do think it’s something of a myth that children would like their parents to divorce and to live apart.

My own experience is that when this happens parents move on to new relationships quite quickly and this is confusing and difficult for children. Then obviously there’s financial considerations and practicalities (living in two homes.)

I’m obviously not talking about relationships that must end because of abuse but the sort of gone stale relationships where parents are urged to split because the children will want it.

@Dillydallyingthrough your husband was so wise to have therapy.

My mother and father are in a very co dependent relationship backing up each others' delusions. So that my separate truth, my own experience of my childhood is an affront to my mother.

I think this whole situation is ten times worse because she and my father back each other up ALL THE TIME so they never grow, never have any uncomfortable thoughts for long, they just plamas each other out of any discomfort, so not uncomfortable thoughts can ever sit there long enough to lead to insights or epiphanies. They just construct narratives around themselves like spiders. They're right, I'm wrong, and sensitive and emotional and dramatic.

It's really a case study in how a couple can prop up each others' blind spots and scapegoat their adult child.

I value truth and they need this lie they've constructed that their parenting was GOOD.

If they'd split up, I think we'd all have our own truths of course but their united truth wouldn't be like a tank coming over mine.

I second this. I am going through a situation with wife and older son couldn’t care less if we are happy. I asked him if he cares if we are happy and he said, what about my happiness. Every situation is different, but he much prefers us arguing everyday(which we have been doing for a long time) and ignoring the bad as long as the house doesn’t crumble. For someone like me, it’s hard not to expect a different reaction from older son. One day he’ll have his own life and the penny will drop