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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t assume you’re invited to dinner?

240 replies

Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 12:26

Totally prepared to be told IBU.

Husband invited mutual friends over yesterday afternoon, NO mention of dinner. Just a casual hey would be great to catch up invite. Arranged for 2pm, had a lovely afternoon, I baked and we had tea while the toddlers played. All delightful so far.

I nipped inside to change a nappy and my husband text me - I think they think they’re staying for dinner?!

PANIC!! The dinner I had planned for us was odds and ends from the fridge that needed used up.

Then the husband goes and gets a board game from the car😂 I was exempt I was frantically trying to conjure up some kind of effort for dinner whilst not looking like I’d been caught unawares.

Don’t get me wrong, lovely people but ruined my chilled Sunday plans.

OP posts:
Waspnest · 27/07/2020 15:09

Who on earth carries Risk round in their car? I do think sometimes these sorts of visits go on for a bit longer than expected and you do end up cobbling together some kind of meal but in this case if the DH got Risk out of the car he was fully expecting it to go on for a long time and probably assumed a meal was included. So I think they were a bit CF -ish.

I tend to be on the making things crystal clear side of this. If people are coming to stay I want to know if they want a meal when they arrive and roughly what time they're leaving so I can plan meals. And if DD is going for a sleepover all of us mums are very clear about what meals are included so we know whether to feed our kids beforehand or not. It makes life a lot less stressful!

Grapewrath · 27/07/2020 15:11

Also if you’ve been given cookies and pancakes surely you’d assume that was what was being provided and not wait it out for dinner?

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/07/2020 15:12

If people are coming to stay I want to know if they want a meal when they arrive Confused

Unless you are talking about your own kids, wouldn't it be easier if you made it clear what you invited them for?

That sounds terribly unwelcoming, surely most people will just say no then and find something to eat on the way...

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 27/07/2020 15:12

@DillonPanthersTexas

Brits are so uptight with this kind of thing.
I’m British but totally agree.
amusedbush · 27/07/2020 15:19

A 2pm invitation is quite clearly long after lunch but way before dinner, the perfect "have a chinwag" time where you don't have to feed guests anything more than tea and biscuits. If someone invited me round at 2pm for a catch-up, I'd aim to be out of their hair around 4pm.

All of the "you should have just ordered a takeaway" people are clearly better off than I am; takeaway for six people could easily be £50+, which I can't magic up at the best of times, never mind for people who invited themselves to stay!

mrsBtheparker · 27/07/2020 15:22

We used to have friends who would drive over to see us out of the blue, 20+ miles, and sit there until we either went without an evening meal or fed them! I used to keep a load of spag sauce in the freezer with their name on it, they never seemed to realise that they got the same meal every time they came uninvited.

Waspnest · 27/07/2020 15:24

That sounds terribly unwelcoming, surely most people will just say no then and find something to eat on the way...

Not really. Confused If they arrive during the day they have a meal at the usual time with us, if it's late at night they say they'll eat on the way because they don't want to be eating at 11 pm and they certainly don't expect us to have our meal then. All visiting kids are teens so eat with adults. It's purely so that I know how many meals I have to plan for.

Lindtballsrock · 27/07/2020 15:25

Is it only me who would be a bit flummoxed to visit a friend at 2pm and be presented with pancakes? I mean, I like pancakes and happily have them for breakfast or incorporated into a meal but as a stand alone snack with biscuits...I’ve never seen that ever!

amusedbush · 27/07/2020 15:26

@mrsBtheparker

We used to have friends who would drive over to see us out of the blue, 20+ miles, and sit there until we either went without an evening meal or fed them! I used to keep a load of spag sauce in the freezer with their name on it, they never seemed to realise that they got the same meal every time they came uninvited.
I properly laughed at this Grin
2bazookas · 27/07/2020 15:28

I'd just have played dumb and said to friends " We're planning to send out for pizza tonight, why don't you stay? "

Gives them an easy opportunity to either agree, or back out .

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/07/2020 15:29

would be a bit flummoxed to visit a friend at 2pm and be presented with pancakes?

depends on what's in the pancakes! If it's a late desert or afternoon snack, makes sense with tea or coffee. I won't say it's common, but it's not that extraordinary either.

Pancakes make lovely (and lazy!) diner too.

I'd be more struggling with a full-on roast in the middle of the afternoon Grin

SantaClaritaDiet · 27/07/2020 15:31

Waspnest

Not really. confused If they arrive during the day they have a meal at the usual time with us

but surely people arrive when you invite them to arrive, and "usual times" mean something completely different for everybody. Why not just inviting people for lunch or diner and be clear from the start?

NurseButtercup · 27/07/2020 15:31

I don't understand this thread at all. You invite friends over they stay longer than you thought, because everyone is comfortable and relaxed. Why can't you have an honest chat to say we haven't got much food, so we'll share what we've got or we can all put in for a takeaway.

I would never ever begrudge feeding my friends and sharing the bit of food I have with them. And they would do the same for me.

Shimy · 27/07/2020 15:35

OP a fe questions: What time were you expecting your guests to leave and what time is your dinner? When you invited them over were you specific about how long you were inviting them for? because if it’s all guesswork, how are your guests supposed to know?

madbirdlady22 · 27/07/2020 15:35

Why was it YOUR problem to conjure up the dinner?!
Why did you not text back saying what are you making then?

thecatsthecats · 27/07/2020 15:35

Ugh, I hate the idea of Sunday lunch being middle of the afternoon.

Christmas Day and Easter are the only days it's acceptable to arse around with mealtimes on the grounds I'll be eating all day long.

Otherwise my digestive system very much prefers to eat meals at the normal time.

Waspnest · 27/07/2020 15:37

Santa I'm talking about people staying overnight with us, either for a catch up or a stopover on their way to somewhere else.

For a daily visit I just invite people for lunch/barbecue etc and give a time.

Sertchgi123 · 27/07/2020 15:38

@turnthebiglightoff

2pm on Sunday is Sunday dinner time. YA both BU to not realise this.
Not in our house. We eat about 7.
IrmaFayLear · 27/07/2020 15:39

2pm is surely no man’s land for meals and equals cake etc. Unless something like a barbecue which runs all afternoon is mentioned.

The vagueness reminds me of when dsis was invited by colleague to a party at his house, along with some other coworkers (in the pre-mobile phone days). The invitees assembled in pub, and turned up at host’s house at around 9.30pm, to find host with head in hands at beautifully-laid dinner table, smell of overcooked meal, and wife of host crying upstairs because no one had turned up and it was all ruined. All because host had told people it was a “party” and not that they were invited to “dinner”.

bridgetreilly · 27/07/2020 15:42

"Well, it's been lovely to see you. We should all do this again sometime. But now we need to get going with [insert boring chore] before dinner. Thanks so much for coming."

Also at the mention of RISK, no matter what time of day, the correct response is always, "No, I'm afraid life is far too short for that, sorry."

FortyFiedWine · 27/07/2020 15:45

@Sexnotgender I'm with you on this. Bit odd that they didn't start making polite "Well we must make a move to get back home for toddler's dinner time" noises at 5 or so. I reckon they thought they were invited round for Sunday lunch at 2, and then sort of hung on until a meal appeared Confused

Sounds like you coped fine with it, got everyone fed, and didn't turn it into a big row with your husband either Grin No harm done and you win hosting points in my book!

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/07/2020 15:46

Also at the mention of RISK, no matter what time of day, the correct response is always, "No, I'm afraid life is far too short for that, sorry."

Not just risk, Lord of the Rings risk😂

OP posts:
Fanthorpe · 27/07/2020 15:49

Oh god Irma that’s terrible.

USE YOUR WORDS, PEOPLE!!!!

My husbands colleague invited us over recently (x had asked if we want to go over next weekend), and after much prompting from me he finally confirmed 10.30 on Sunday morning!?!?
It was only the night before my husband asked his colleague if we could bring anything and confirmed it was for brunch. I’d never met his wife before but after a while it emerged she’d been very clear in what she’d said, but her DH just hadn’t passed it on.

Yeahnahmum · 27/07/2020 15:49

You could have just said ok guys time to say goodbye as dh and I have some plans that involve dinner and a movie :p

IrmaFayLear · 27/07/2020 15:57

Yeahnahmum — That’s really rude! Tantamount to saying you are fed up and they are boring...

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