To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

You know what, I think giving birth is a highly personal experience, and the mother should have whoever she wants at her birth. HTH.

My mum was my midwife. Brilliant experience. No men present at all both tines and so peaceful.

I wouldn't!

My mum was there for all births, but my twins who were c-sec. I kinda wish I'd had the opportunity to give birth alone, no mum or dh or anybody else, at least once, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. I think it's a personal choice.

If I could go back in time, I would have had my mother at the birth of my DT’s. I had a c section and they were whisked off to NICU and my (now) x went with them. I was on my own in recovery for ages and it was pretty scary and lonely. It would have been nice to have had someone with me.

As to your husband, I would ask him why is he judging you for what you want to do when you give birth. He shouldn’t be making you second guess yourself or feel like you are doing the wrong thing.

Not going to vote.

Depends on relationships.

Women need to feel comfy.

I would have done better with no one there, DH was not great.

Friends have had sisters.

No right or wrong.

I can't imagine anyone worse to have with me. If it had been a choice between giving birth on my own or having my mother there, I would still have opted for being on my own.

I'm not voting either way, because I don't think it's anything other than a personal decision for the mother-to-be. There's no one-size-fits-all.

I didn't want my own mother there, because she was quite squeamish. Yet a friend had a truly supportive mother who was present at the births of all her DC.

The choice to have your mother there is going to depend on so many things, not least your relationship with her.

No, I never even for a minute wanted anyone other than my DH and Mum still would have been quite far down the list of emergency back up in DH was stuck down a well or something. I lovey Mum and we have a great relationship, but I didn't fancy her no-nonsence approach at that particular moment in time.
But I would be extremely honoured if DD asked me to be with her one day.

I love my mum to bits, we are very very close. But she admitted after I'd had DD1 that she was dreading me asking her to be at the birth because she'd hate every minute but do it for me. Luckily I'd have hated her to be there! We discussed the gory details in great length over many cups of tea later

God no!

My DM spent the 6 months of my pregnancies that she knew about panicking and insisting that I needed a caesarean and would die if I didn't - in every.... freaking... conversation.

No way in hell would I have had her at my birth.

Not sure when will happen, but I will definitely need my mom there

I never understand why people give a shit who someone else chooses to have with them when they give birth.

Women should have whoever they want with them without comment or judgement from other people.

I had my Nana (she brought me up from 7 so basically my mum) with me for my twins c-section because I was scared and she was the best person at calming my nerves.

Amusingly my best birth partner was actually my late FIL. Early and super quick labour meant he was the only person around when DD4 decided she was coming and he was fucking amazing. At one point we actually thought he was going to have to do the delivery, but the ambulance arrived in time. If I’d had any more I’d have seriously considered him being there because he was absolutely brilliant

I spent most of my labour alone with the midwives. It was calm and peaceful. I love my mum to pieces and she would have been there in a heartbeat but truthfully I didn't want anyone with me. DP turned up for the pushing and delivery. I still wish I had done it alone.

No bloody way would I have my mother there.

Totally personal for you though.

@WhoWhatWheree

Okay, he’s said I’ve phrased it incorrectly- “Would you have your mother at the birth?” Is his question... I personally would not have her there and it seems as though most agree with me🤷‍♀️

Yes, 100%. My DP was good, but my mum was great. She's been there, done that, knows what I'm going through. She really helped me and I'm glad she got to witness her grandchild coming into the world.

No one else's business and no one needs to understand the reason some women have other people in the room as well as the father

I didn't want anyone at the birth other than my midwife. You are hardly at your best sweating away, legs akimbo. No thanks. Sometimes you get the whole family in there like a spectator sport. i don't understand it. i sent my husband of the time packing too, he didn't want to be there anyway.

The voting means nothing as the yanbu is the only viable option. No one things their mother needs to be at the birth but a large proportion of mothers get support from having their mother there. Even your DH doesn’t need to be there but most women get support from having their partner at the birth.

I voted yabu for the leading way you phrased the question.

No way!

I think it depends on what sort of relationship you have with your mum but I wouldnt want mine there it would be weird.i might have my sister at the birth though

I didn't even tell my mum I was in labour. A quick FaceTime call at 5am to show her her new granddaughter was enough. I wanted myself and my husband to be able to spend a little time with our newborn, alone, before the stampedes of family arrived. It was lovely 😊

My mums been present at all 9 of her grandchildren birth and it is such a reassuring thing, we’ve all actively wanted her there!

But we’re very close to her and she’s a retired midwife who knows her shit and is unflappable to the max.

Sometimes I think its Amazing that she wasn’t at the conception😂

It's obviously a personal choice.

I just wanted the whole experience over and done with as quickly as possible and am grateful that I ended up with an EMCS and it was all a blur, I absolutely don't care that I have no memories of giving birth. As far as I know it was just me and the medical team. DH had to wait outside the operating theatre. ('Theatre' makes it sound as though it is a performance ).

Other women love looking back on giving birth and it gives happy memories so of course choose who you want there.
I can't imagine wanting to be at anyone's side whilst they give birth, so I am grateful my only child is a DS.