To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

No way. And if my partner couldn’t make it, is still choose anyone else over my mum. She doesn’t calm me down, she’s too needy. I’d rather be alone

Surely it’s completely down to the woman in labour? Personally I would have kicked my husband out before my mum - she was all I wanted and needed while I was in labour. Our labour ward only allowed one person in, and I threatened to go out and give birth in the hospital corridor unless they allowed my mum in too - frankly she basically ended up doing their job for them so they eventually realised it was the best thing to do. My DH even went off during active labour to get a sandwich and nearly missed the birth of DD, and I literally didn’t even notice he’d gone 😂😂 since I spent every contraction with my head in my mums chest anyway. She was amazing and if I ever was stupid enough to have another child (which I won’t be, but just for examples sake) I wouldn’t hesitate to do the same again

YANBU

I really hate it when people think that, because they or their sister/wife/friend have a great relationship with their mum, that every woman does. It comes from a place of privilege and it's short sighted. Some of us have toxic, critical and mean mothers. Mine would have made my birthday horrific experiences

*birth

Nope, wouldn’t want my mum there.

I personally wish my mum could be with me.. but due to Covid she can't be so it's just me and OH. Each to their own!

Not a chance.

No way. She would have made it all about her.

i knew someone whose dh was insistant HIS mum was at the birth as he wasn't comfortable being there, he and my friends mil wereblombimg her on a daily basis about it,in the end she served divorce papers and through the sheer stress had dc 2 weeks early with just her sister and the midwife. dh and mil blew it up but what could they do about it ?
the divorce went through, it was nasty helped a lot by mil, and now neither of them have any contact with my friend or the child 15 years on.

• result in my book.

*were bombing

I didn't have my mum there and it wouldn't cross my mind to invite her. It's a private family moment between my husband and me.

My mum wanted to be at my first childs birth but I didn't want her there! She wanted to be kept up to date and I told her when I was in labour and on my way to hospital. Within half hour of getting there the midwife came to tell me my mum was outside and wanted to come in. I must've told her no every hour throughout my entire difficult and eventually assisted labour. Midwives saying your poor mum is still in the corridor etc... I asked them to tell her to go home but she refused.
Eventually I allowed her in after the baby was born but I still feel resentful that my first birth was tainted by her demands.
Sorry to those who feel I'm being harsh.

You should have whoever you want at the birth of your baby.

Having never been in the situation where he pushes a baby out of his vagina I don't think his opinion is really relevant here? Top mansplaining

I'm another who would rather give birth alone and I did give birth alone for my second as it was all too quick to find childcare in time (family live away and the baby came before planned c section where childcare was sorted)

When I was pregnant I mentioned in a mid-conversation off-hand kind of a way to my mum that there was no way I’d want her at the birth, she sighed a massive sigh of relief and said, ‘THANK GOD, I’d have been there I’d you wanted and supported you, but I’d rather not!’

Having my mum there was absolutely not for me! She did drive on a 6 hour round trip to come and see the baby the day they were born though

Saying all that, I would fight tooth and nail in support of any woman that DID want their mother at the birth. Women’s birth rights are very dear to my heart.

I'd rather go without any birth partner if DH couldnt have been there. Like a PP, until OBEM I had no idea anyone ever had anyone other than their partner at a birth and find the idea really weird.

But it's entirely personal. Not U for anyone to want their mum/sister/friend. Definitely not for me though.

Mine was there for my first. I wanted her because I knew from previous medical related drama she is calm in a crisis. Dh- not so much.

Dh said afterwards: I'm so glad she was there, I don't think I could have got through without her

My mum was there for both births and I’m glad, dh was there for the first but was entirely useless. He fell asleep while I was pushing he wasn’t invited stayed home Looking after ds the second time.

I wouldn’t want her there, but even if I did I don’t think she’d come!

You are both being very unreasonable.
It's wrong to assume that the majority of women will feel the same or that a woman "should" want or do anything when she gives birth.
Some women want their mum there, some don't. No big deal.

I'm not even going to bother voting. Its personal choice.

Generally dp's are at the birth. This trend to have an audience is new, it was one birth partner only when I had dd. Obviously where there is no dp/not available then mums are a good choice but why do you need 2???

Ps I did have mum because dp was stuck on the wrong side of the Atlantic

For DS1 my DP travelled down (a few 100 miles) when I was in labour (they had the cot etc at their house).

The labour was long so they came to see me on the labour ward. DS1 was eventually born by ECS. DH went to SCBU with him and my DM was with me in the recovery room - I was more ill than DS1.

I saw them all (DM, DF, possibly my DSis) on the ward with DH before they left (about midnight?).

I'm think I'm a little sad that they have pictures holding him before I did.

With DS2 my DM flew 5 hours and had a 12 hour coach journey to get to me whilst I was in labour. It was a looonnng labour!

She arrived and came to the hospital with my DSis. I was on a drip to try and induce the labour. DH was there too. We spent some time together then DM & DSis went home to my house. Younger DSis was there looking after DS1.

The next evening they said I needed a c/s so I asked for my DM to come in for that. Eventually he was born naturally but he wasn't well. DH went to SCBU with him and my DM stayed with me. Although there was a period where DM & my MW went for a cigarette together. I felt so alone! Minutes earlier there had been 10 people in the room resuscitating my baby and then there was just me.

My DM helped me get bathed and held my hand for the extensive stitching. They offered to let DM & DH stay as it was so late and DH was exhausted (one hour drive home). But they went home and I was alone in a single room. Very strange.

I wouldn't have changed anything except to have easier births. My mum was great both times and helped me out a lot.

My mum was there for DS1. We didn’t intend her to be. She was in France when I went into labour but it went on so long she arrived before he did. She was waiting at home but DH and I were both seriously flagging and I just decided I wanted her there so DH rang her and got her to come down to the hospital. It was lovely having her there actually, but a spur of the moment thing, I would not have said beforehand that I would have wanted that. But in that moment, that’s what I wanted.