To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

YANBU, my mum wouldn't want to be anywhere near until the baby's born. Giving birth for the first time is making a new family, ideally that will be you and your DH.

Anyway, what would your mum do there? Midwives do the practical bits.

Personal choice. Had my mum at both births and thank god for dh was absolutely useless

I didn’t have mine at any of my births, mainly because we aren’t close and she would have made it difficult for me. I completely understand those with close relationships wanting them there though. If I ever have another I’ll be doing it alone.

My mum was there by accident!! Came to visit, I'd only gone in with pain and they were with us from 300 miles away, so popped to ward to see me when all of sudden the last stages of labour started! I wouldn't have chosen it that way but it's how it happened

Some people do, some people don't

I personally just wanted my partner to be present but I don't think it is strange for some women to choose their mother as an additional support

It's your choice, you are not unreasonable for not wanting her there but neither are other women unreasonable for wanting theirs at the birth.

Had my mum at mine and wouldn’t have it any other way. The plan was if anything were to go wrong then DH could focus on DD and DM could focus on me. It’s a highly personal thing though and there’s no general right or wrong, just what is right for you!

I wanted my mum there. Dh was there too but I want sure if he'd be able to handle it 😁 whereas Mum has been there and done that twice. Second time (Caesarian) was just DH, partly the rules but also he'd got through it once.

I think your DH may be saying he'd like some support. I know he's not doing the hard work but I can imagine it would be really horrible wording someone you love in a lot of pain and not knowing how you'd handle it if anything went wrong. The responsibility of being a good support etc. I think he's asking for help, OP.

My mum wouldn't have wanted to and I wouldn't have wanted her there. We didn't have that sort of relationship sadly. ExH was absolutely useless for the first two so I had dd3 on my own and it was by far the best birth. I would be very happy to be there if any of my dds wanted it but it will be entirely up to them as it should be for any woman.

Everyone different. I think it also depends on your relationship with the babies dad. My mum wasn't present at either of my births my Husband was.

My mum was at the birth of my first child. I have never been so glad to see her in my life - but she used to be a midwife

I had my mum with me, but if I was to do it aagain I don't think I would. I wanted her there to speak up for me, and to reassure me as she'd done it before (obviously 😂). But now I've done it once, and I'm seeing someone who would speak up for me I don't feel the need to have her there. It's all very personal though and up to the woman giving birth, and nobody else should get a say as they're not the ones in pain.

It’s completely up to the woman labouring - she’s the patient and should be the focus.

DP was there for our dd’s birth but in all honesty he was a complete spare part and it was more about him wanting to be there to witness our daughters first moments rather than any practical use to me.

It wasn’t horrendous but it wasn’t straightforward either and in the unlikely event I had to do it again the only people I’m really bothered about being there is the midwife, anaesthetist and a obstetrician if needed. Anyone else is just an audience imho.

She doesn’t NEED to be but I found her quite useful. My ex was about as much use as a chocolate teapot whereas my mum got quite stern with the midwife when DS wasn’t coming out and she insisted on a doctor being called. The doctor actually said ‘why wasn’t I called before?’ And then used a ventouse to get him out, he weighed 10lb 4oz! Sometimes you just need someone who’s done it before.

Personal choice isn't it?

My DH is excellent in a crisis, runs towards danger in order to help others, used to blood, guts and gore. Was amazing for the first 36 hours. Then it went tits up, I had to be transferred via ambulance, he had to drive the car and it took him two hours. (City centre, rush hour, car crash so it was standstill traffic)

My DM was with me and advocated for me whilst I was smacked off my tits on painkillers and the doctors were pushing for forceps, which I had refused consent for from the beginning. DH was there for the EMCS birth. DM met my baby as I came out of recovery.

There's no right or wrong answer, it's down to the labouring woman.

Never entered my head to have my
Mum there.

I'm very close to my mum but she's a fusser and a panicked and would have done my head in.

DH had to wait outside the operating theatre. ('Theatre' makes it sound as though it is a performance grin).

It was a performance originally. The first operating theatres were like auditoriums, with the patient on a table in the centre, and tiers of seats rising up around. The idea was that operations were also lessons for medical students.

I love my mum dearly but god no!

My mum turned up whilst I was being induced and I made the medical staff tell her that only 1 person (my husband) was allowed to stay in the room. She came in, saw me, prayed for me and then went to wait in the lobby.
She would have annoyed me to no end if she’d have been allowed to stay.

I agree with you. I wouldn’t want my mother there.
However I disagree with your title. Women should have present anyone they like

I'm the mum in this scenario and I don't want to be there at the birth. It's special for her and her husband and I think my presence would diminish that.I
I am granny in waiting and I am waiting with open (indulgent) arms when the baby and I are introduced.

To be fair, I'd probably have been as much use as a chocolate teapot at my granddaughter's birth! Having had an emergency caesarian with my first and it all being very dramatic and scary, I suspect I'd be really worried and stressy watching my daughter go through her own difficult and worrying labour.

My mum died when I was small so not an option!

First baby - me, DH, two midwives, 2 doctors, a trainee doctor and someone else, I'm still not sure who. Medical and angsty.

Second baby- me, DH, 2 midwives and a very close friend who has given birth herself. She made it so much calmer and was amazing.

If DD has a baby I would LOVE to be there to support her but it is of course totally her call.