To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

To the poster who asks why would you choose to have children with someone who couldn't be a supportive birth partner.

Because it's not always the black and white scenario you would like it to be.
Just because someone's partner wasn't at the actual birth doesn't mean that they're not supportive or a great OH. Sometimes circumstances get in the way.
Have a think!

I think it really depends on your relationship with your mum.

The same goes to the tool who said that women who want their mum's there are attention seekers.

You are the patient. Your preferences come first.

I was very glad to have my mum there. When things went completely wrong, I was losing blood quicker than they could put it into me and I was dying. DH was left holding a newborn when he'd previously held a baby twice in his whole life, DM being there meant he had some support, emotionally and physically. He'd never changed a nappy, never fed a baby, never dressed one. It was comforting for me knowing that DH and DD had DM there. But I'm sure that does depend on your relationship with your mum, I'm very close to mine!

It's personal it's your decision! I've had four babies and my mum was present at the second birth as my husband had already left for work and I couldn't get hold of him plus it all happened so quickly so my mum was there and it was fine.
She didn't go down the messy end!! And nor did I want her to be looking at my fanny in distress no thanks!! So she stayed by my head haha held my hand until I squeezed and hurt her! All was good but it's your decision how you feel about it!

Can't imagine a worse prospect, I was glad that we were hundreds of miles away, never had one word about pregnancy or birth with my mother or anyone other than the unavoidable medical people.
Not everyone wants to share everything, I don't think I have ever discussed the births of my children with anyone, far more interesting topics around.

I had mine there, but ended up being rushed to theatre so only dh could come in.

@DramaAlpaca

Dear lord, the thought of my mother at the birth of any of my children gives me palpitations and my youngest is 22! She'd not have coped, she'd have fretted about everything and made me worry about her, which isn't what you want when you're giving birth. She's very good at making everything about her, frankly. My DH, on the other hand is calm personified. Nothing fazes him, so he was my perfect birth partner.

Exactly the same for me. Mum is so prudish as well she won't even stand next to me in a shop if I am looking at knickers or bras and she hates the sight of blood. I was with my younger sister though as her husband was working away and couldn't be there. I stayed near her shoulder, well away from the 'business end' and it was magical.

Like PP I had a rule, if not at conception no need to be present for birth (aside from paid medical professionals)

Plus she was really handy for childcare when we had more kids. Love my mum but she didn't need the full show.

I wouldn't have wanted my mum there, I didn't want anyone at all. My dd however, does want me there. Entirely down to the individuals.

I would have liked to have my mum but first time baby came too fast and this time I need someone to look after my dd. It all depends on your relationship with your mum.

Would never have had mine there. No way.

I have two daughters. If they really wanted me there I would take my lead from them and do it. But if they had a partner there too I think it would be hard to shake a concern that I might be butting in.

I cant think of anything worse than having my mum there while I gave birth, and neither can she. We are very close and everything but I have boundaries and so does she.

This.

My mum was at both mine and was absolutely amazing, so glad I shared that experience with her and will never forget it. But if you have a strained/negative relationship with your mum or feel in any way uncomfortable then of course you shouldn't have her there.

My EXDP was abusive although I never told anyone at the time. I absolutely wanted my mum there for the births of my two DC. In the end I had sections so she couldn't be. With DH I knew he would be an amazing support so I was more than happy for just him to be there.

I’ve actually never known anyone who had their mum at their birth, or at least no one who I’ve spoken about births with so friends, NCT etc etc

I have two daughters. If they really wanted me there I would take my lead from them

No way! I didn't get to enjoy the conception so I'm certainly not going to be there for the even messier bit!

I didn't have my Mum there. I wouldn't have wanted her there and she wouldn't have wanted to be there. I won't be at the birth if my DD has a baby either. Well I suppose if she desperately wanted me to I would, but I think that is highly unlikely. I can't really relate to mothers wanting multiple birth partners - I didn't even have my husband there for my last birth and far preferred it. However, I fully accept that people are different and wouldn't dream of telling anyone else what they should prefer.
So no, YANBU and you are definitely not weird, but neither are people who want their mums there. Its entirely a personal choice.

I had my mum with me but I'm not sure I'll have her when I have another one I think I would like to experience it just me and my partner next time but then I know what to expect wouldn't have got through the first without my mum. Xx

MrsB everyone's different though aren't they?

I would certainly not volunteer but if it was important to one if my daughters I'd listen to that and support her.

I needed my mother there with my first. Father wasn't on the scene and I was 19...

I had my husband, the GP, midwife and MIL for first baby ( at home). My choice and was great. Next two just husband and midwives. No way I would have wanted my mum. This is absolutely a personal choice.

For me, it's neither that YABU or YANBU. It's a personal decision based on primarily the needs and wishes of the woman going through childbirth, and to a lesser extent her partner.

I chose (with my husbands blessing) to have my mum present at the birth of my first baby but not by subsequent two babies. My mum is a calm, intuitive and supportive person who had had 3 positive birth experiences and knows when to step back. My husband didn't know what to expect beyond the what we learnt in hospital classes and my midwives were young and had never given birth themselves. It was very comforting having my mum there helping us decide when to go to hospital and providing us with additional support.

For my two subsequent births, I felt totally fine and my husband felt more confident in his ability to support me so I didn't feel that need to have anyone extra there.

I liked that it was just me and dh. And midwives obviously! It was the start of our parenting journey together. I leaned on him for support. But no judgement either way. If dh wasn't on the scene or I was very young I imagine I would have wanted my mum there.