To think your mum shouldn’t be at the birth?

[WhoWhatWheree]

Discussion with my DP, I think my mother does not need to be at the birth. He believes I am “weird” and most women want their mothers present.

YANBU= Your mother does not need to be present during the birth.
YABU = Your mother should be at the birth of your child.

Each to their own! I had my mum with me at all of my DC births. She was a great support. I was with my DD when she gave birth and she says she wouldn’t have wanted to do it without me. Not everyone has that kind of relationship with their mother though...

I would rather give birth in a lions den than have my mother there. I would love to have MIL there, or my birth mother, but it would cause Armageddon.

Would I have my mum at mine - no , do I think this decision is personal - very much so. Some people can't think of going through such pain without them

Why would you choose to have a child with someone who couldn't be a supportive birth partner?

Giving birth is just one part of parenthood. I knew DH was a great dad - he had two DC already who he brought up solo - and if I couldn't accommodate the one quirk he had about hospitals, it would have been pretty rubbish of me. He wasn't squeamish with blood or body fluids but the physical act of walking into a hospital made him unwell. So much so that when he had to go in himself, he passed out in the waiting room and he was only waiting to see a consultant. He had no issues with being in at the messy end of parenting, changing nappies, feeding, staying home with baby while I was at work and he had finished for the day (shift work). He brought the kids up to be decent members of society with good ethics, kind hearts and the ability to lead independent lives (cooking, cleaning, laundry, all the things people on here complain about).

There's no right or wrong. Have who you want. Or nobody.

Some doctors/midwives feel that having a stressed relative next to you impedes the birth. This is an interesting read, (sorry it's the DM!). I know people will dismiss the doctor as an old fart, but it would be interesting to do a proper study - although probably impossible. I think a companion who advocates for you is good, but somebody who YOU have to think about and consider is not.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-559913/A-obstetrician-men-NEVER-birth-child.html

My mother is the last person on earth that I would have wanted to be at the birth of my children! My three daughters however all want me there when they give birth, so far I have been present at the birth of two of my three grandchildren, one I just missed as I couldn't get there quickly enough.

I gave birth last Thursday and my mum didn’t know until he was here! I would hate for her to be there

I love my mum dearly and we are very close, but that was a time for DH and me. It's a personal choice though, everyone feels differently.

Hell no - I love my mum but she's a way more stressful than calming influence, and that's the last thing I need when giving birth!!

Personal choice, both my mum and my nanny were at the birth of my 1st dc. Whereas with my 2nd my aunt was with me as she drove me there and it was very quick!

I love my Mum very much and we are close, but I wouldn’t want her there. Honestly, I didn’t want dp there either I just wanted to be left alone in a dark room.

I'm not voting as neither choice is wrong.

And the voting options are a bit crap tbh.

(New) Mum's choice. Neither wrong or right. No one else's opinion is required!

I love my mum and we have such a close relationship but I didn't want her there, I wanted it to be just me and my husband. My mum came to the hospital to visit after my son was born but I just didn't want her there during the birth.

I think it's a personal thing but it is odd that your DP has an opinion on it!

Depends on the mother/daughter relationship

no way. Sitting with me in Labour maybe, but at the actual birth. Nope

I'm close with my mum and we speak daily, but I think having her at the birth of my child would stress me out so much. I just want to stay with my husband in our bubble and she can come down when we're allowed home (due next week so covid hospital still!)

I think having mums at births is over the top attention seeking. Just get on with it and let your partner be there if he is sensible, then show off your baby to your mum afterwards.

@WhoWhatWheree

Okay, he’s said I’ve phrased it incorrectly- “Would you have your mother at the birth?” Is his question... I personally would not have her there and it seems as though most agree with me🤷‍♀️

My answer to that would be ‘only if you couldn’t be there’. I wouldn’t have a problem with my mum being present but wouldn’t want more than one person and would rather have DH.

I hadn't really thought about it as they lived miles away, was just going to be DH, was fairly sure would be c section due to diabetes etc, but prem labour and birth meant had Mum, Dad and two sisters as well as DH whilst I was in early labour eventually emergency c section, I felt all we were missing was wine and canapes. It was good for a while but then they kept interfering with comments about my condition so I banished them lol

I have voted yanbu because I think it’s not necessary

However, I had my dm at birth two having not had her at birth one. I have to say I felt happier having her there!

Nope absolutely not!! Just wanted my husband there ..

I don't know anybody who had their Mum there. Virtually everybody I know just had their partner or husband.

I had my mum's name down as backup birthing partner, in case DH fainted (he's very squeamish, and it helped him to know that he could take a break if he needed to) or in case labour was very long and he needed to nip out for food (he said he'd just "bring a McDonald's in" and was promptly put straight on that).

In the end DH was there throughout (in all honesty, not overly useful - his main contribution was staying out of the way) and my mum wasn't needed.

To be honest, I'd have been entirely happy for it just to have been me and the midwife, but DH felt he should be there "to help".