To think most women don't/can't "get there" with men?

[JSD1987]

I'm early thirties, more or less straight and I have had 8 Mmale sexual partners. I have never had an orgasm with a man, despite enjoying foreplay, sex and oral very much. I would say that only 3 of these partners were what I would consider to be good in bed. I can easily cum on my own, in both ways - just not with a man.

I was under the impression this was completely normal and that most women don't orgasm with someone else but a friend of mine and I got talking about this and she was completely aghast and basically implied there is something weird/wrong with me and I need to get therapy.

Genuinely interested to know people's thoughts/ experiences?

@Fluffycloudland77 what are the non-intimate details of one's sex life out of curiosity?

I orgasm every single time with every single partner.

@Fluffycloudland77

Literally can’t believe someone started a thread inviting you to discuss the most intimate details of your sex life & you all did it.

🤨

I was more interested in knowing whether I'm as abnormal as my friend seemed to suggest. I don't think anyone has been overly explicit, not sure why you seem miffed?

@LittleHelpFromMySplitEnds

I orgasm every single time with every single partner.

Same. Really silly to generalise about people with things like 'most women' just because you can't. Concentrate on yourself and don't worry about others.

When I first started having sex I could orgasm so quickly at least 4 times each session. I could literally just be sitting down on him and I could get off. It was intense and amazing. Then our relationship got really unhappy and he stopped having sex with me. I felt so shit but loved him so just got used to the idea of a sexless relationship. When I finally got into a new relationship I really struggled to get off, because it was like my body had forgotten how to! I think when you’re used to the idea of not doing it, you get this mental block in your brain, which is made much worse by when you actually try hard to get off. If you keep trying aka getting frustrated and simply seeing the goal as getting off, it will never happen. It took me about 4 months but I finally got there with my new partner. What worked for me is showing exactly what I liked, literally directing his fingers. I also stopped trying for an orgasm and started going into it with the idea of ‘an orgasm would be great, but regardless the sex will be good and it might happen the next time’. If you stop putting so much pressure on yourself and stop your brain from convincing yourself you will never get there, you WILL get there.

@DisobedientHamster You sound a little arsey for someone supposedly orgasming all over the place 😂

Yes every time in a relationship and with penetration only. However, I've had many ONS in the past and never did with those.

Sure, there is the odd day where I’m just not going to get there mentally, but still enjoy the closeness with DH, but most encounters result in multiple orgasms.

I think it is all down to compatible body shapes I never get it with thinner men but chunky blokes I do.

@SeagoingSexpot
"Or women who would like women to routinely expect more from their sex lives, and who want women to know that if they can get there on their own then any partner should make a sustained, committed effort to get them there too, with instruction if necessary."

Keys words there are 'can get there on their own'. I'm 32 and have never had an orgasm in my life, alone or with a partner. It's always great to know what a marvellous time others are having and just how easily so many women are having mind blowing orgasms when sex with my husband is frankly a chore like doing the laundry and I gave up wasting my time masturbating years ago.

Yes I'm bitter. But there's more to life and relationships than sex.

" I could literally just be sitting down on him and I could get off." I honestly cannot even imagine it being that easy. Ditto, it only taking 4 months to sort out with your new partner. The thing that keeps striking me is how easy it seems to be for lucky women on this post who are able to come with their partners. I was with my ex 9 years and not even a whiff of an orgasm!

Hi OP, for me it's been about trust, relaxation and a giving and willing partner. I had lots of casual partners before I met my husband. He was eager to learn what pleased me and we explored our youthful sexuality together. Although I didn't orgasm with him at first, we soon made it work. Multi orgasmic but not through penetration until after having children. My insides must have got a bit rearranged. I should say that I had been able to make myself orgasm since a very early age.

After becoming a widow I met someone else. He was the first person who ever made me come the first time we made love. Maybe being more mature - both of us - helped. Goodness knows.

OP, from what you say, it sounds like you have some inhibitions that could benefit from explored. Enjoy your future explorations with either a male or female partner.

I "get there" 95% of the time from penetration alone. Thought everyone did

Obv there are times when I'm frankly a bit tired etc but otherwise, yeah

@Fluffycloudland77

The way I look at it is, there are pervs all over the internet including on MN. Some get off on sex talk, some womens urinary incontinence, periods, knickers, pregnancy, gynae problems or whatever.

As long as we're not potentially arousing a paedophile, I don't really give a shit if some saddo is getting his rocks off by reading.

Because otherwise, we're saying women can't talk about sex or their bodies on-line because of abusive men.

We already inhibit lots in our day to day existence because of men, I won't let them silence women talking anonymously about their bodies or sexuality on-line.

Fuck that.

. I was with my ex 9 years and not even a whiff of an orgasm

I don't think that is anywhere near normal, sorry.

Despite being married for 7 years, together for 12, I’ve never had an orgasm during sex with anyone. Not for lack of trying, or diversity of partners. I don’t even care anymore to be honest - I’d merrily be celibate for the rest of my life.

I can’t hold it against DH, it’s not for lack of trying on his behalf. I just can’t get there with other people.

I "get there" 95% of the time from penetration alone. Thought everyone did.

Did you really think that? Because just about everything I've ever read on the subject alludes to the fact that it's relatively unusual for women to orgasm solely through penetration.

@UnaCorda

I "get there" 95% of the time from penetration alone. Thought everyone did.

Did you really think that? Because just about everything I've ever read on the subject alludes to the fact that it's relatively unusual for women to orgasm solely through penetration.

Same here, I'm really shocked at the number of women here saying penetration works for them. I don't see why anyone would lie so obviously much more common than studies would suggest shrugs

I listened to a podcast on this topic recently and apparently studies show most women don't orgasm through penetrative sex, only through clitoral stimulation which is very difficult to achieve during intercourse. Therefore they said very few woman climax during sex (sometimes during foreplay, but women almost always climax on their own) this is in line with what you experience OP.

@GinGinHooray

I listened to a podcast on this topic recently and apparently studies show most women don't orgasm through penetrative sex, only through clitoral stimulation which is very difficult to achieve during intercourse. Therefore they said very few woman climax during sex (sometimes during foreplay, but women almost always climax on their own) this is in line with what you experience OP.

This is exactly the sort of thing I have read in the past that made me think I was "normal." Glad I'm not going mad! Would you happen to have the name of the podcast?

There is a book calked 'Come As You Are' by Emily Nagoski that might help you JSD1987 It's about how to get over mental blocks and subconscious beliefs around orgasm.

@MarioPuzo Thank you for the recommendation, I think other PPS have mentioned it also, it's on the list!

@JSD1987 I used to be exactly the same. I could make myself no problem but no one else could do it, and I couldn't do it with anyone else there.
Then I met my husband and came off anti depressants and like magic - I can orgasm. He can make me through oral sex, but with penetrative sex I need to use a vibrating thingy on the right places while we're doing it. Works for us!

If you don’t what’s the point?! I swear I am actually a man I get ready quickly too and don’t like shopping.

I "get there" 95% of the time from penetration alone. Thought everyone did.

You didn't genuinely think that did you, you just wanted to mention that you did.

I mean good for those that do but I think it's common knowledge that a-lot of women don't regularly come from penetration alone.

I read that up to 10% of women have problems orgasming at all.