Tell me if I am in the wrong

[MrsQGinglass]

Name changed for this, maybe I am wrong but I can't seem to forgive and forget and I know I also have a husband problem.

My husband had an amazing opportunity to go long haul on a trip for his hobby which was to a country that I always wanted to go to. It was a trip for 2 weeks, he and I both wanted me to go, his best friend also wanted to go.
His best friend described the trip as a boys trips, going between places to do my partners hobby, no sightseeing, nothing I would like. I would hate it Etc etc. He made the point of its just doing my partners hobby and a boys trip. In the end I said to my husband you and best friend go but explained that I was disappointed not to be going.
I booked the plane ticket for my husband and his best friend and booked internal flights, 3 months before they left.
Husband flies out on the trip, I am at work, the when my phone flashes up with a notification from Facebook, my husband and I hardly go on Facebook , my husband has been tagged in some photos by his best friends partner all standing having a great time eating in fabulous restaurants and doing an activity that I really wanted to do but was told by best friend that they would not have time for on this boys only trip.
I was furious to be lied to about this trip and the fact that his best friends partner was there, to not be there to support my partner, (it's a dangerous sport) and to be left out completely.
I contacted the wife and said I had no idea you were going and that no one thought to tell me. I also had major arguments with my husband as to why he had not told me and why his friends thought that their behaviour was ok.
My husband then went away again a month later with his best friend and their wife to run a business event. I have never been included in this business but my husband best friends family have, and guess what there was another photo on Facebook with the family and the wife's best mate sitting there all having a great time.
I absolutely lost it at my husband and told him that this was unacceptable and that his best friend was disrespectful of me and my relationship with my husband.
My husband and I worked through this and he agreed that his best friend had been in the wrong and next time I saw him, he would apologise.
Fast forward 6 months and I saw his best friend at a sporting event and his best friend ignored me. I was fine with this but told my husband that I though he was rude, my husband told me to be the bigger person and make the first move and say something to him, so I did and this was ignored again.
I have now told me husband that his best friend is not a nice person and he should not be so close to him and always be there for his best friend as his best friend does not do much for him. This has lead to major rows between myself and my husband to the point I am thinking of ending our marriage as my husband does not think of my feelings and still wants to be around people that clearly think so little of me.
AIBU for not wanting this people to be part of our lives or am I overreacting as my husband says I am.
Sorry if this is a little muddled but it's so outing

Watching it now, OP!

Yes, the tracks are (mostly) in the middle of nowhere and in that sense, I think it would have been pretty dull if you're not interested in the racing But there are also plenty that are a bus/train ride from interesting places.

If you had known in advance that BM's partner was going, would you have gone?

@LakieLady

Yes I would have definitely gone if I knew she would be going, not as boring sitting in the garage.
There is no trains, it's flights as the country is so big.

Oh dear, my partner would never let that happen. I can totallt understand the upset, does not seem your partner thinks much of you either, or respects his best friend above you. At least that's the impression he gives. As for his bf- some people ar elike that. Like having monopoly over their friends, even if they themselvesare in relationships. Gives them power, and your husband is unfortunately under his spell. My advice: Book yourself a single holiday to the destination or go with a friend, nothing should stop you!

Op, are you sure there's not an affair of some sorts going on there with someone?

Sounds v.hurtful

@blagaaw99
I am 100% sure there is no affair, one he doesn't have time, two as I have previously stated the best friend partner is not his type, her best friend is definitely not his type.
When he is on these trips it would be taking huge risks to be out socially and drinking and not having enough sleep.

Phew!

I am 100% sure that my husband thought it was just them going as he was joking about having to care and help his BF.

You are determined to believe your husband is totally innocent in this. Maybe you are right - but I think that it is so unlikely as to be impossible.

However, you have chucked him out, even though it is for the "wrong" reason. If you have even the brains you were born with you will not let him back into your life. You will NEVER get any respect from this man. Don't let him manipulate you, or guilt you by claiming he has "stress" .

That is for him to sort out. But I can virtually promise you, that even if he says he will stop meeting up with his friend, he will lie. He will continue to do things like this, but he'll be more careful about you finding out.

Because it is HIM that doesn't want you there, whether you want to accept that or not.

You've kicked him out because he won't end/pull back on the friendship and because he expects you to just 'forget it'. You should have kicked him out for being complicit in the deception once he found out about it.

The fact remains that your DH isn't 'innocent' in this even if he didn't know beforehand that the BM's wife/partner was going. He found out at the airport before leaving and he failed to tell you right away. You had to find out via SM. I find that just as big a 'sin' as him telling you to 'be the bigger person' (or however he phrased it) at BM's deception. The BM wasn't the only one to lie. Your DH lied too.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but there are now TWO trips you feel you should have been included in (or at least had the option)? The racing trip and another one, a business trip? And both times your DH 'failed to mention' (as soon as he knew) that the BM's wife was going?