Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me if I am in the wrong

234 replies

MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 13:14

Name changed for this, maybe I am wrong but I can't seem to forgive and forget and I know I also have a husband problem.

My husband had an amazing opportunity to go long haul on a trip for his hobby which was to a country that I always wanted to go to. It was a trip for 2 weeks, he and I both wanted me to go, his best friend also wanted to go.
His best friend described the trip as a boys trips, going between places to do my partners hobby, no sightseeing, nothing I would like. I would hate it Etc etc. He made the point of its just doing my partners hobby and a boys trip. In the end I said to my husband you and best friend go but explained that I was disappointed not to be going.
I booked the plane ticket for my husband and his best friend and booked internal flights, 3 months before they left.
Husband flies out on the trip, I am at work, the when my phone flashes up with a notification from Facebook, my husband and I hardly go on Facebook , my husband has been tagged in some photos by his best friends partner all standing having a great time eating in fabulous restaurants and doing an activity that I really wanted to do but was told by best friend that they would not have time for on this boys only trip.
I was furious to be lied to about this trip and the fact that his best friends partner was there, to not be there to support my partner, (it's a dangerous sport) and to be left out completely.
I contacted the wife and said I had no idea you were going and that no one thought to tell me. I also had major arguments with my husband as to why he had not told me and why his friends thought that their behaviour was ok.
My husband then went away again a month later with his best friend and their wife to run a business event. I have never been included in this business but my husband best friends family have, and guess what there was another photo on Facebook with the family and the wife's best mate sitting there all having a great time.
I absolutely lost it at my husband and told him that this was unacceptable and that his best friend was disrespectful of me and my relationship with my husband.
My husband and I worked through this and he agreed that his best friend had been in the wrong and next time I saw him, he would apologise.
Fast forward 6 months and I saw his best friend at a sporting event and his best friend ignored me. I was fine with this but told my husband that I though he was rude, my husband told me to be the bigger person and make the first move and say something to him, so I did and this was ignored again.
I have now told me husband that his best friend is not a nice person and he should not be so close to him and always be there for his best friend as his best friend does not do much for him. This has lead to major rows between myself and my husband to the point I am thinking of ending our marriage as my husband does not think of my feelings and still wants to be around people that clearly think so little of me.
AIBU for not wanting this people to be part of our lives or am I overreacting as my husband says I am.
Sorry if this is a little muddled but it's so outing

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 24/07/2020 13:54

Also we on Earth were you the one booking all the stuff for a trip you weren't even "allowed" to go on? Stop being a doormat woman!

WhenSheWasBad · 24/07/2020 13:54

Sorry op but I’m not sure your Dh is the brightest either.

Surely he would have known you would be furious when you saw the Facebook pics. I don’t know what I’d do in your position. His best mate sounds like an absolute dick.

dontdisturbmenow · 24/07/2020 13:54

I booked the plane ticket for my husband and his best friend and booked internal flights, 3 months before they left
So she booked her own? It doesn't make much sense. You'd expect you to book it for your oh (although why he couldn't do that himself is another matter) and them to book their flight together.

Could she have surprised them, getting there on another flight?

Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 13:57

@lughnasadh no she is not part of the hobby, nor owns any of the business but helps out, I offered to help out a couple of years ago when I could see the mistakes the best friend was making and my partner would pick up the pieces, but was told I didn't need to help and the best friend had it under control. My husband is more a sleeping partner and does not run this small business day to day.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 24/07/2020 13:57

What is the "hobby"?

Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 13:58

@dontdisturbmenow
When I booked the tickets there was no mention of his partner going. The best friend booked the tickets a month later as he would miss her.

OP posts:
custardbear · 24/07/2020 13:59

Hmm I'm going slightly against the grain here

Personally I wouldn't let this friend get between my DH and I, I'd not let him win and I'd be far more proactive next time in marking sure I went away with my own DH and if his best friend had boys holidays in mind then Your DH wouldn't be at all these boys thing because you and he are going other places

I wonder if your DH is being manipulated in which case he needs to toughen up!

Just in a side note - these three aren't in some sort of a threesome I'm assuming?! Shock ... just a thought 🤔

custardbear · 24/07/2020 14:01

Did your DH know about the partner going at the point of buying her ticket

Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 14:02

@AryaStarkWolf
I was allowed to go but was completely put off by how the best friends described the trip and the fact that there would be no sightseeing and it would be just about the hobby. He has been before and my husband had not.
I am not some downtrodden woman, if I was I would be putting up this instead of telling my husband we could be separating over this.

OP posts:
toomanyplants · 24/07/2020 14:05

In a nutshell..he respects his buddy more than his wife.

Alonelonelyloner · 24/07/2020 14:05

I'd be livid. I wouldn't leave my husband over it.but as above I would absolutely make sure to attend in the future. The friend and his partner sound bloody awful and they clearly, for whatever reason, don't like or respect you, but in the end it is up to your DH to sort this out. The problem lies with him. He needs to demand they do respect you. This is the least he can do. You should be his priority especially as his friend is such a moron.

HollowTalk · 24/07/2020 14:06

I wouldn't want to be married to your husband. He sounds really weak. I also think he's a liar - why didn't he phone you as soon as he knew she was there?

Griselda1 · 24/07/2020 14:06

A threesome? You weren't wanted by any of them so it's a matter of deciding what you do with that information.

HollowTalk · 24/07/2020 14:07

I would've dumped his stuff at the other couple's house while they were on holiday and told him by message to go there straight from the airport.

lyralalala · 24/07/2020 14:08

family and the wife's best mate sitting there all having a great time.

Your husband, his best mate, best mate's wife and her best mate?

That's as fishy as sin

cardibach · 24/07/2020 14:12

I’m not sure why them not sightseeing because of their hobby would stop you anyway - why didn’t you go and then go off sightseeing while they were doing the hobby?
The ticket booking makes no sense at all, and I agree with PPs that if your husband didn’t know he would have phoned you from the airport - he certain,y wouldn’t have let himself appear on Facebook pics you could see. That just shows he wanted you to know, so you would be upset.

minipie · 24/07/2020 14:13

Surely as soon as your DH found out the best friend’s partner was there, he should have phoned you, apologised and asked if you were possibly able to fly out and join them? And if not, offered to look into cutting short the trip.

It all sounds like he cares far far more about his BF than about you. The business sounds fishy too tbh.

Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 14:13

@custardbear 😂😂
No not a threesome in anyway.

No his best friend can't do anything without his partner he lacks common sense, I believe he has some sort of learning disability but he knows everything about the hobby they share.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 14:15

@lyralalala
They were also away with 60 other people when her best friend and her husband were there.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 24/07/2020 14:15

[quote MrsQGinglass]@romeolovedjulliet
My husband wanted me there. It was a trip of a lifetime. I did not go because his best friend made it sound awful, yet he took his partner and did all the things I suggested.[/quote]
Your husband didn't want you there. If he did, you would have gone.

Ohtherewearethen · 24/07/2020 14:15

Why was your husband telling you to try to make amends with his friend when his friend is such a turd? What hold does this friend have over your husband?
Presumably you were in touch with your husband while he was on the trip? Did he not talk about how pissed off he was to suddenly find his friend's wife was coming too? He had hours and hours to tell you before you had to find out on bloody Facebook.
I'm suspicious over what hold this friend has over your husband and why your husband constantly puts him first, even over his own wife.

MashedPotatoBrainz · 24/07/2020 14:16

Your husband thinks more of his mate than he does of you. He prioritises his friend over you. I wouldn't put up with being second place in his life.

AudTheDeepMinded · 24/07/2020 14:16

In effect you are being 'wendyed' by your DH's pal, and your DH is letting this happen. He's choosing keeping his mate happy over respecting you.

thethoughtfox · 24/07/2020 14:17

@lyralalala

family and the wife's best mate sitting there all having a great time.

Your husband, his best mate, best mate's wife and her best mate?

That's as fishy as sin

This sounds like a fun foursome that suits his friend better than you coming. I would be very suspicious about something going on between your husband and the wife's friend.
Original poster
MrsQGinglass · 24/07/2020 14:19

I think everyone is looking at the long haul trip and honestly we have worked through that and I am slowly forgiving him on that.

My problem is now that his best friend has ignored me as he thinks I overrated about the long haul trip. He was meant to apologise but didn't and when I offered an olive branch that was also ignored.
I have asked my partner to take a step back so that we are never in this position and he can't see why I would want him to cut ties.

OP posts: