Not sure how to react to DP’s aunt

[cafesandbookshops]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in WWYD or AIBU but here goes.

I met my DP while travelling in his country and have recently returned to the UK after living there with him for two years. Before this move, I stayed at his aunts house for a month as a kind of trial to know the area better while I was visiting on vacation.

His aunt is a very strong personality. She is very loud and quite pushy and does local social projects/political campaign work, which is admirable but has form for only calling us when she wanted us to vote for her or do something for her.

They charged me around £100 for the month which I didn’t have a problem with as I know they don’t have a lot of money. During this month, DP’s cousin (whose only source of income was illegal taxi and courier work) crashed his car, probably by driving in a stupid way.

His aunt pleaded with me, crying hysterically for me to lend them the money to fix the car as it was their only source of income. I didn’t really want to give any more money as i had already paid a months rent but she said that without it they couldn’t work, she promised to pay me back immediately etc.

I ended up giving them another £100 which was probably a stupid thing to do but I made sure not to give more than I could afford in case they couldn’t pay it back and they never paid it back.

I asked them for it once in a non confrontational way and she told me she didn’t have it so I let it drop but it left a bad taste.

We don’t get along generally I guess a clash of personalities but she can be very overbearing. The culture is very music and dance oriented so there were lots of parties with bands playing the native dances. They’re not easy but I tried and she would always stare at me and burst out laughing or start whispering to people next to her. My DP just told to ignore her so I did and I was polite but distant with her, knowing I wouldn’t have to see her again after I left.

Since arriving back in the UK, she has been commenting on my pictures Saying how beautiful it is and how she can’t wait to visit me. I feel annoyed as she has never been very nice to me and only every makes contact when she wants something. When I was there before I left she made lots of joky comments to me about me getting her a visa, preparing a room for her, showing her around etc. I know I should probably ignore her but she continues to be over friendly with me despite the lies etc and now in public on my fb page.

Out of curiosity how would you react?

I think I'd draw up a spreadsheet, I don't know what job he's hoping to get etc.
But put in your food, rent, outings, savings etc and ask him how much he actually wants to send home, does it work?
If you had a child, would he send less or would you be funding your child?
What will happen when x wants money?
What will happen when y wants to come for a all inclusive holiday in your spare room?

I married someone from a poorer country, and that was not my first relationship with someone from that country. OP, some people have extremely grabby relatives. If the man doesn’t keep that under control, don’t marry him. DO NOT host the aunt, it will end in tears, I promise you. When I don’t want to host someone, I tell them that the house is half-built, there is no central heating and you have to walk down a muddy track to get to the village, which has no shops. That gets rid of chancers.

I asked for an update because you never bothered to reply again, obviously because you didn't like the direction the thread went in.

DP has agreed completely with all of it

Of course he has, because once he has the visa, you won't see him for dust!

and he is going to pay me back the visa process money.

So he is not even paying HIMSELF, for his own visa process? Wow. He has it made. Sorry but you have mug written on your forehead. Despite us all telling you, you are going to go ahead and PAY FOR HIS VISA! Why cannot he pay for it, himself??