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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

239 replies

Youbigdosser · 23/07/2020 19:19

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

OP posts:
Deardonkey · 23/07/2020 19:22

If the couple is going to dictate which dress you will be wearing then they pay. If you get to choose your own then it would be more reasonable to ask you to pay as you can chose something you may wear again and within your own budget.

Moomin12345 · 23/07/2020 19:22

If she wants a lavish wedding, she should be able to afford it. This is ridiculous.

CoalTitCafe · 23/07/2020 19:25

That's pretty steep for a dress! I don't think it particularly matters if you're well off or not. The B&G should be paying for dresses and suits, I don't know where this trend of making the wedding party pay for their own outfits comes from.

Can you tell I am a disgruntled bridesmaid who had to buy a dress she hated then pay for is alterations? Grin

Alexandernevermind · 23/07/2020 19:28

Bridesmaids paying for expensive dresses is a big no! Is it an American thing?
If you get to choose your own and it isn't any more than you would have spent on a guest outfit then maybe!

Florencenotflo · 23/07/2020 19:28

YANBU. I chose my BM's dresses with their input to make sure they liked them. So I paid for them. I also bought jewellery, hair and make up etc. The only thing I didn't buy was shoes because they both said they had some already they could use - floor length dresses so they both wore sandals.

I don't get why people plan a wedding and expect their friends and family to pay for their own clothes to participate in it! For what it's worth the dresses I chose were £60 each, but even then I'd never dream of asking someone tk buy their own! Regardless of whether you can afford it or not, it's fucking cheeky!

1990shopefulftm · 23/07/2020 19:29

if they want a certain dress they should pay for it, that's too much to spend on a dress for one day really

Ellmau · 23/07/2020 19:30

If you're in the UK, the bride should pay.

LockdownLoser · 23/07/2020 19:32

They should pay either way but to chose such an expensive dress and then ask you to pay is absolutely disgraceful.

user1493413286 · 23/07/2020 19:33

I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times and got married myself and my understanding was that the bride pays for the dress with the budget she has.

ChaoticCatling · 23/07/2020 19:33

Who chooses pays. My flower girls (no bridesmaids) wore their own dresses of their choice, otherwise I would have paid. I wouldn't pay £350 for a wedding dress.

BMW6 · 23/07/2020 19:33

Bridesmaids should NOT pay for the dresses ! Crass and vulgar to ask them to.

zigaziga · 23/07/2020 19:33

I’ve been a bridesmaid 3 times and paid for my own once, but that time I was given a vague brief and could buy what I wanted. I re-wore that dress as a wedding guest at least once as it wasn’t overly bridesmaidy.

I think the done thing is that they pay unless you choose your own.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 23/07/2020 19:34

£350 out of your own pocket to wear a dress I'm guessing isn't your cup of tea. And will only wear once? YADNBU

If you're paying for the dress the only thing the bride can request is the colour - like blue, green, red; not even the shade. Even that is Pushing it

Fluffycloudland77 · 23/07/2020 19:35

Cf.

stoploss · 23/07/2020 19:36

The bride should pay for the dress.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 23/07/2020 19:37

It shouldn’t cost the person being asked to be part of the wedding party anything, it’s part of the wedding cost. Putting costs onto others is very rude imo.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 23/07/2020 19:38

If you’re in the wedding party and are expected to wear a certain outfit, the bride and groom should pay for it. If they can’t afford to pay for those dresses themselves, they can’t have them - tough luck.

AliasGrape · 23/07/2020 19:38

Yeah I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, I’ve also been a bridesmaid quite a few times and never paid.

My bridesmaids dresses were £24 each in the sale from Quiz. I know they sound awful but they were honestly lovely and it was just a lucky fluke they were so heavily reduced and in the sizes needed. Still, does show there’s no need for such ridiculously expensive dresses, and if the couple do want those they absolutely should pay.

OVienna · 23/07/2020 19:39

Yeah, no.

I would be polite but upfront. "Not expecting to have to cover the cost of the dress, tbh. If costs are tight I am happy to choose a dress for myself that I know I'd wear again and this could include the colour. But I'm not up fir £350. Understand if you'd prefer that I step aside."

finished31 · 23/07/2020 19:39

It's not just the cost of the dress really though is it! Shoes/hair/make-up. Hen night or weekend with a gift and cost of hotel and drinks on the day.

I'm thinking £700-+ already:

Really for a cousin who you were once close to. Say no thanks or fuck off

HouchinBawbags · 23/07/2020 19:39

We had a budget wedding and I asked DSis to be MOH (so there was an adult to stand with my two DD flower girls). She bought her own dress and my only request was that she buy one in a certain colour. She got a lovely one for £35 that could be worn again elsewhere. She's worn it since and now 6 years later has handed it down to my eldest DD.

If I picked the dress, I'd have paid.

If someone asked me to pay £350 for a dress I'd think they were on drugs! That's a crazy amount! I wouldn't spend even a fraction of that as a guest, including outfit, drinks, travel and even a hotel room for the night!

mumof2exhausted · 23/07/2020 19:39

I’ve been bridesmaid 3 times as an adult - there was no question that the bride paid for the dresses she chose.

Crankley · 23/07/2020 19:40

I was a bridesmaid eight times in my younger days and was never asked to pay for my own dress. If the bride wants her bridesmaids wearing £350 dresses, she pays for them.

msbevvy · 23/07/2020 19:44

In my experience, not only does the bride pay for the bridesmaids dresses, they are also bought a gift to thank them for their help.

Ughmaybenot · 23/07/2020 19:45

She’s being a CF asking you to pay at all, let alone fucking £350!! That’s ridiculous. Say no.

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