AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

£350? She can take a running jump. It doesnt matter if you can afford it its a total waste of money for something you might not even like.

Having read your additional comment it does seem like you are minded to pay. Might I suggest every time you get compimented dropping a line such as "Oh thanks you yes they are. They might have cost us £350 each but we feel our couisn is well worth it"

YANBU

It's a lot of money for a dress you won't likely have occasion wear again.

It is pretty but fundamentally if you want to dictate what your bridesmaids wear then you pay for it.

I only had a MOH but I had her dress designed and hand made by the designer making my wedding dress.

It was important to me that she liked it and frankly was something she could wear again (given it was expensive) so she had a huge input into the design. Even then I paid for it and her other accessories (shoes/jewellery).

Lovely dress though

I would have spat my tea all over her with laughter if mine suggested that to me

Nope, you don't ask anyone to pay that kind of money unless you move in crowds where those sums are spare change!

I hope you're both very tall.. that dress so full of fabric looks like it would drown anyone remotely short in height...

and you're clearly happy to pay for these dresses so why question the costs ...

@Echobelly

Nope, you don't ask anyone to pay that kind of money unless you move in crowds where those sums are spare change!

And if a couple do move in those circles, they can probably afford the dresses themselves!

That's ridiculous! Could you hire it?

Dd is to be a bridesmaid next year. Bride has slecified a colour and left all else to individual choice, so bms are paying for themselves. Even the colour is a reasonable choice so likely the dresses will be worn again.

99% of votes saying she's being a C.F. and well over a thousand have voted!

Jux makes a good suggestion. To ask if you can hire. Might be a polite way to drop a heavy hint?

When I got married my dresses cost around £300 each … we paid for them. We checked that our BMs liked and suited them: we also paid for accessories, shoes, and hair. I wouldn't have dreamed of asking them to be BMs and then bill them for the pleasure.

Not a chance!
Who is paying for shoes /hair /make up?
I paid for dresses, hair, makeup, nails and then I bought them a present. They wore shoes they'd worn at a previous wedding they'd been bridesmaid at. Which incidently they had to pay for their own dresses! We'd never heard of that before and we all thought the bride was a CF as well!

£350 for a bridesmaid dress is probably within normal range of cost.
Asking you to pay for it is a bit off unless she made it clear at the beginning, but if you can afford it just buy it

I would never pay 350 for that lol just not my style
Bride pays
her wedding, her bill

I'm going to disagree slightly with everyone else here. I agree it's down to the bride's family to buy the bridesmaids' dresses, but in my experience it is considered usual for the bridesmaids to offer to help out by paying for their dresses, especially if it's a low-budget, things-are-tight wedding. That clearly isn't the case here, and to choose expensive luxury dresses is taking the piss royally.

I had just the one flower girl and two page boys. My Flower girl was my Cousin's young DD. I went with them both to pick a dress they liked and I paid for it, same with my page boy's rented suits.

My Cousin is extremely wealthy but it never even entered my head that I would not be paying for her little girls dress.

Say no. She's the one who looks cheap expecting you to finance her fantasy wedding. If she really wants you as a bridesmaid, she won't care what you wear. If she's only after a colour-coordinated wedding photo, the she needs to get her purse out. I'm guessing that if she had to fork out £700 for two dresses, she'd suddenly find that her heart wasn't quite so set on them.

That's ridiculous, asking you to pay for them! I bought my bridesmaid dresses (not as much as that, they were £200 each) and I let them keep them as they weren't obviously 'bridesmaidy'. what a cheek!!

I can afford that sort of money on a dress. But I wouldn’t. It’s wasteful and vulgar. That’s many big families’ food shop for one or two weeks. I just couldn’t spend that on a BM dress.

I’d be telling the bride that I love her choice of dress (it’s beautiful!), but it’s just not for me. Now that I know what her style is, would she please choose one of the following three dresses that I’d feel more comfortable in. Price range would be more modest.

Of course, if you’re in the habit of wearing expensive clothes, this isn’t going to work for you

I'm not from the UK, and I paid my bridesmaids dresses myself, never even considered letting them pay for it. They all offered, which was really kind, but I didn't accept it. Also £350 just makes no sense. If you want your bridesmaids to wear the same dress - you pay.

@Youbigdosser

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
If you are not that close to her why would you even consider paying out £350 (plus any alterations, possible hen night/weekend, etc on top of gifts, travel, accommodation)?

This really is plain rude and just nonsense isn't it? If she really wanted you there she should budget accordingly and pay your bridesmaid expenses - including the dress - herself. Is this a case if champagne tastes but beer money coming into play?

we are the only bridesmaids that’s why we will probably just end up paying.
This makes absolutely no sense OP. Please don't make a doormat of yourself on this as it will just be the start of more demands. The MN saying "This is an invitation not a summons" applies here too.

If anyone asked me to fork out £350 for a dress for their own show-offy event my answer would be a polite but firm "No I'm sorry - that doesn't work for me". That sort of money could be used elsewhere for something far more fun (weekend in Paris?) or just to pay the winter gas bill!

Woman up and take yourself out of the loop. Get your sister on board. I'll bet you'll feel better once you've done it. And you and your sister enjoy a week/weekend away somewhere nice with the money you would have (foolishly) spent on one fancy dress! 🌹

If you’ve got enough spare cash and you are close to this person then pay it. I was bridesmaid for my best friend. She paid for my dress. If £350 is a lot to you and you can’t afford it then you message
“I’m sorry but I can’t afford £350. The dress is beautiful but I just don’t have that much money available. My budget is £100 or I’m happy to stand down if you’d rather pick somebody else”

I thought the same as Donkey - if they are dictating the dress they are supposed to pay for it. I have only ever been involved in one wedding party (other than my own but I had a small non traditional with no bridesmaids) and my dress was chosen and paid for by the bride.

I think it's really cheeky to choose such an expensive dress and then tell them to pay for it themselves.

Would I pay?

NO CHANCE!