AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

That’s absolutely taking the piss. My bridesmaids dresses ended up at around £400 each (with alterations etc). I paid for them and also I know they’ve worn them again (altered as sort of beach dreSses).

You and your sister should find less expensive dresses, A LOT less expensive, and send the pics to bride and be frank. Tell her the dress she picked is lovely (lie if you must), but you are in no position to pay £350 for a dress you would never have picked for yourself and will never wear again. She pays, or she goes with what you and your sister found that you can wear again.

The bride pays for bridesmaid dresses.

Politely send a messGe back saying you always understood the bride pays...

When I remarried my dd was one of my bridesmaids, my niece and grooms niece. I let my dd choose dresses and paid as she wore it to ball at uni shortly after wedding and I would have had to buy her a dress for that anyway. I paid for all shoes, hair, male up and nails. When I married the first time Dad paid for my dress and shoes and for 3 bridesmaids and 2 pageboys too. I would never dream of asking a bridesmaid to pay for anything. Shocking and rude.

I bought my bridesmaids their dresses, I’ve been a bridesmaid four times and bought a dress once. To be honest I’d forgotten I had until this thread. She was going to pay us back but she obviously forgot she hadn't and I certainly didn’t remember but it wasn't a huge amount. There is absolutely no way at all I would pay £350 for a dress of my own choosing never mind a bridesmaid. Simply say I’m afraid I can’t afford that. Leave it there. It’s a ridiculous amount.

Yep I also agree this thread is kind of pointless if you have already decided to pay.

I'm not in the UK and bridesmaids here usually pay for their dress. However, that is too much to expect someone to pay for a dress which will likely never be worn again. If she has her heart set on that dress, then the bride should pay. I've only been a bridesmaid once and found the whole thing rather expensive.

YANBU, you're pretty much doing her a favour, I think she should pay for your dresses at a price she can afford, or maybe choose cheaper ones you can buy. But ideally she should pay!

It’s a beautiful dress, but you’ll never wear it again. It’s not on for her to ask you to pay. But you know that already.

Just say, "No, I'm not going to do that," as cheerfully as possible. If you stand firm with no drama, she'll cave and either buy the dresses herself, or choose a cheaper one. Don't be afraid to say no.

This isn't right, that's a huge amount of money to ask someone to pay. I am a bridesmaid in a few weeks, the only thing I've been asked to do is wear neutral coloured shoes of my choosing.

I had to do that once and it worked like a charm. :-)

General rule of thumb is that if you decide the bridesmaids are doing it then you pay.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses because I wanted them all the same.

Didn't pay for shoes, jewellery or makeup/hair because I didn't mind what they wore or chose to do.

I paid for accommodation so we could stay over in the hotel the night before.

I think it would be a huge mistake not to talk to the bride about costs and expectations because the £ are just going going to escalate. How are going to feel when the costs start reaching £1k each?

I like OViennas suggested reply.
I would be polite but upfront. "Not expecting to have to cover the cost of the dress, tbh. If costs are tight I am happy to choose a dress for myself that I know I'd wear again and this could include the colour. But I'm not up fir £350. Understand if you'd prefer that I step aside

I really like the dress but the bride is being completely unreasonable. I've never had to pay for my dress as a bridesmaid and I certainly didn't ask my bridesmaids to contribute to the cost of anything.
Dress, shoes, hair, Jewellery.

It's not about whether you can afford it or not, if they want bridesmaids, they pay for them.

That’s more than I spent on my own bespoke wedding dress

She’s a CF but you should challenge her. As bridesmaids this will be the tip of the iceberg she’s going to expect you to pay.

Sorry but that’s a ridiculous sum for a dress you’ll wear for 1 day. For my wedding (5 years ago) we paid less than £350 for my dress, veil and shoes, husband’s and best man’s suits, maid of honour dress and 3x dress, shoes, bag and cardigan for child bridesmaids.

Agree with all the others who have said “if bride specifies a particular dress/hairdresser/make up etc” then bride pays for said items.

Fuck that.

They are £50 on asos.

I wish people would think about how much their wedding day will cost their wedding party and guests.
So many are really extravagant these days involving staying at expensive hotels in the middle of nowhere.
With the wedding comes a gift of money, a dinner service or bedding or kitchen equipment won't do now.
Now add the Hen/Stag holiday, not a pub crawl with yer mates anymore.
You can't have all that expense and not have your bridesmaids wearing a £350 dress, it wouldn't be right

It wont be just £350 - there'll be shoes, hair & make-up, hen night (weekend / week), wedding present, overnight accommodation at the wedding venue etc etc. If you're the only 2 - present a united front and say very sorry can't run to that price.
Don't be a push over. If you're worried about up-setting your cousin - get your Mum to speak to her Mum and talk some sense into her

No way OP. expecting you and your sister to spend the best part of a grand on something that's purely for her? Maybe in lieu of attending the hen do, and a wedding present. I thought the etiquette was, if you want bridesmaids to pay, you go cheap or you let them choose. If you as a bride want a shiny puffy orange monstrosity or anything expensive then you pay to have it how you want. She can't have it both ways. I'd say you were not planning on spending more than say 100 quid and although its beautiful you will never have occasion to wear it again so could you all choose something else or you will contribute 100 quid

My daughter was a bridesmaid for a relative when she was 10 years old....i got lumbered with paying for the dress....i never said anything but was really annoyed.

Speak to your parents and get them to talk to your aunt and uncle. See what they think.

That much on a dress for someone else's wedding is ridiculous.

£350! No chance! I may spend that kind of money if it was a special occasion for me, and I absolutely loved the dress, but not as a bridesmaid if I'd never wear it again and it wasn't my choice. The bride is bu.