AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

Beautiful dress but I can’t imagine any occasion appropriate to rewear that and I attend quite a few client events, awards and black tie dinners through the year. As someone said upthread, except for an extravagant wedding or a ball, there’s no place to wear a dress like that to. No way would I pay that much for something I could only use once.

And even if the dress was under £100, it’s good etiquette for the bride to cover the dress cost or to allow you to choose your own.

I have been part of the wedding party three times in 64 years. At eight years old, in turquoise velvet and swansdown trimmed muffs for my aunt's New Year wedding, for my DSis as one of three bridesmaids in pink taffeta dresses in December (with wellies as footwear because it was too wet for shoes) and once as MOH for a good friend for which I wore my own wedding outfit (a Jackie O type suit) again at about 40.

Bridesmaids paying for expensive dresses is a big no! Is it an American thing?

Bridesmaids paying for their dresses is an American custom, but not to the tune of $444 (at current exchange rate).

Ask if they are adopting other American customs like an open bar (cash bars are generally no-nos at US weddings) and bride and groom paying for their attendants' lodging if travel to wedding is necessary.

I'd be willing to pay up to £100 for a BM dress for someone I really cared about if I knew they couldn't afford to buy it.

But £350 is incredibly steep for a dress you didn't pick out and will probably wear for one day. I just don't see why the BM dresses need to cost so much? I think my wedding dress was only around £399, I got it at a bridal outlet place where they have previous seasons styles etc.

YANBU to refuse to pay. I would just explain that you can't afford it (regardless of whether you can) and instead suggest an amount you could afford to pay if you wanted to offer up an amount.

Do you know what the other bridesmaids think?

Absolutely terrible to expect people to buy their own bridesmaid dresses. I think it’s so rude in general but to ask them to spend £350 on a dress to wear 1 day? That they haven’t even chosen, absolutely definitely NOT!!

The cheek of it 😂

Brides pay end of, I can’t believe she’s asking you to fork out for a ridiculously expensive dress that you haven’t even been able to choose yourself. Ffs...

However that’s of no use to you really, what you need to be asking really is how you decline to pay without causing a massive fallout.

I’d email or text or whatever and say that you’d like to meet up to discuss what the protocol is for the expenses involved in your being her bridesmaid. Explain that you’ve always been under the impression that the bride pays for the bridesmaids, including their hair and makeup and any other requests the bride has AND accommodation. If you had realised that she didn’t have the same experiences or expectations you wouldn’t have agreed to be her bridesmaid. Then follow up with another line about when can you meet up to talk it all through?

For what’s its worth, we paid for my bridesmaids and flower girls‘ dresses, hair and makeup and accommodation for the night before and after the wedding so no one was stressed trying to afford something that might not be able to. We also bought thank you gifts for them all, said thank you in the wedding speeches and presented them the gifts. What we got in return was their honest input and advise in the run up to the wedding, help organising on the day and everyone was happy.

What are you going to do, OP?

Never heard of bridesmaids paying for their own dress. What a waste of money!!

If you and your sis are the only bridesmaids, and you're expected to pay (agree. CF) why don't you go back to bride and explain that you'd like to both choose dresses as you will want to choose something you would wear again. She's put you in v awkward position.

@P999 we are the only bridesmaids that’s why we will probably just end up paying.

Bridesmaids paying for their own dresses? That's unbelievably crass.

Lovely dresses - but she should pay. It’s unthinkable and totally unacceptable that you should.

[quote Youbigdosser]@P999 we are the only bridesmaids that’s why we will probably just end up paying.[/quote]
So why bother asking?

I think if there are only 2 of you and you can agree beforehand you can say: 'lovely dress but are you sure you want to shell out £700 for just our dresses?' If she doesnt take the hint and replies that no, YOU are to pay then you can say: 'oh so sorry, I thought the bride usually paid. I am so sorry but neither of us can manage £350 just for the dress when there will be other expenses, plus a nice gift for you both to wish you well'.

It IS foolish of her, if not outright rude. But weddings do that it seems?
When I got married I bought my bridesmaid dresses, and page boys / flower girls outfits etc (all 5 of them, siblings kids...)
they were all very pale gold and cream silk. I made sure they were all happy wearing them. I also bought them all a small gift to thank them.

If bride chooses dress she pays if bridesmaid chooses she pays. Thems the rules.

“we will probably just end up paying.”

NO!!! Do not do this. Never in my entire life have I heard of bridesmaids paying for their own dresses. I don’t care if the dresses are £50 or £5,000 - no. It’s the principle. This is an outrage.

Usually you would buy the bridesmaids a gift as well, to be presented at the reception.

This cousin of yours needs setting straight. This is an astonishingly rude cousin. She is saving herself £700 - very nice for her. Outrageous.

I would have to call and text her now and say, “To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to be asked to pay for a dress I will only wear once and is your choice...,”

Anyway, she has soured her own day before it’s even underway. Some people have no basic manners. It’s horrendous, when you think about it.

It’s a beautiful dress, but no, you’ll never wear that again!

I agree the bride should pay, especially if they are choosing. And even more so when it is pricey!

Bridesmaids do not pay for their own dresses.

Extremely bad form to make bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. Cringing for them

Is she struggling for money?

Either she is and she shouldn't be trying to have a lavish wedding at the expense of the attendees.

Or she isn't and she shouldn't expect others to spend the amount that she would.

Whichever it is she's a huge CF and I can guarantee you this will be the first of many things you'll be expected to pay for.

I’m a bridesmaid soon. We knew the bride was on a tight budget and was happy for us to all just wear a ‘best dress’ from our wardrobe but we knew she would have loved everyone matching if possible so we all agreed to self fund. Our suggestion. She chose a dress well under £100. Your friend is being a class A cf.

Your cousin is insane

That is ridiculous. Cf x 100. Thanks but no thanks.

I thought the bride paid for the bridesmaids dresses! I paid for mine.