Page 9 | AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

Youbigdosser · 2020-07-23T18:19:30+00:00

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to. We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each. I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf? Would you pay? YABU- just go with it YANBU- she is a cf!

Incrediblytired · 24/07/2020 20:23

You definitely would not be paying for your own dress! Why on earth does she want dresses that expensive! My wedding dress was only £400... madness to have the same for bridesmaids.

The only thing I think is acceptable for wedding party to provide themselves is shoes.

Mamalexi343 · 24/07/2020 20:41

My bridesmaids offered to pay for their own dresses, they asked what colour and then chose the style they wanted, I paid for everything else then they also had the option to sell it on afterwards if they wanted to. If I wanted them to wear a certain dress I would have paid for it, £350 for something that you don't get to choose it way too much and inconsiderat. YANBU!

Whiskeylover45 · 24/07/2020 20:41

I asked my two adult bridesmaids to get their dresses. All I asked they get was a colour, which was one I knew they both wore anyway as it really suited them. The style, length ect was entirely up to them. They could have spent 25 pounds or a 100 pounds. I think in my case it is ok. If you yourself are paying then yes its up to you which dress you buy. Initially in mine I didnt specify a colour and both of them kicked off with me about it till I choose light blue.

If shes identified a dress she wants you to wear then she pays. Its as simple as that. If she cant afford it then its a no no then. Tough luck

Lovely13 · 24/07/2020 22:39

I think she needs to calm down a bit. I’ve never bought something for myself that cost that much. Let alone as a one-off for a wedding. Maybe she has a big old bank account and hasn’t occurred to her that you don’t. Speak to her

Honeyroar · 24/07/2020 22:45

It’s just so rude to expect bridesmaids to spend silly money on a one off dress. I’d say that I’d rather buy a normal outfit and come as a regular guest.

My0My · 24/07/2020 22:53

If she has a big old bank account then she definitely should pay!

The dress is a ball gown. It’s not ridiculously expensive but no one likes to be told to spend £350 on a dress they don’t want for themselves. So many nicer dresses about. Has she never heard of Self Portrait or Needle and Thread. At least you can see and feel where the money is going.

MerlinTheWizard · 25/07/2020 00:40

I paid for my bridesmaid dresses. They were between £100-£130 for 3 which I thought was quite a lot 8 years ago. I wouldn’t ever dictate to someone what to wear and then expect them to pay for it as well. She should definitely pay, especially if you won’t get use of it again.

OrigamiOwl · 25/07/2020 01:09

If the bride wants a specific dress she should pay for it.

Bibijayne · 25/07/2020 05:49

I set a budget roughly £75 a dress. I paid for all dresses but my BM picked them out (we went colour theme and length rather than matching).

I've been a BM twice and never been asked to pay for the dress.

Wecandothis99 · 25/07/2020 06:21

My head bridesmaids was around that and I bought it. I didn't think people got their own, it's not like they asked to be bridesmaids. We got them all but guess everyone different

Lucky2Be · 25/07/2020 07:17

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses last year and also let them pick them. (I picked the colour) YANBU

expatinspain · 25/07/2020 07:30

That’s outrageous! Of course the bride and groom should pay. Bridesmaids can be CF too though (not suggesting you are at all!!). I paid for the dress for mine and she was put out that I wasn’t paying for her shoes too, even though the dress was long and you couldn’t see them and she had plenty of shoes to wear. She also suggested that me and her go for some spa treatments somewhere fairly pricey in the morning before the official hen do and then presented me with the bill 😂

SecretSquirreI · 25/07/2020 07:33

That's steep. The wedding party should pay.

I wanted specific £200 dresses for my bridesmaids. (Once they'd tried them on and said they liked them and we knew they were flattering etc) And so I paid.

Same with the ties and waistcoats for the groomsmen.

seven201 · 25/07/2020 07:47

In the Uk it's usually the couple who are getting married who buy the dresses. It's absolutely CF to ask you to pay for such expensive dresses. Tell her if you have to pay then your max budget is £60 or whatever amount you don't mind. I'd also slip in there that it's usually the couple who pay. Do not pay £350 for a dress you won't wear again!

TeeBee · 25/07/2020 08:15

How has she worded the request for you to pay for the dress?
I'd be inclined to send her a message along the lines of 'if your wedding budget doesn't stretch to covering your choice of bridesmaids dress, I'd recommend we buy our own dresses, of our choice with a maximum budget of £X. We will ensure we coordinate so the dresses work well together'. She's a CF.

MrsCollinssettled · 25/07/2020 08:31

I got my BMs together and they chose what they were going to wear. They asked me for my colour preference and went for that. They chose a 2 piece (long skirt and matching strappy top) which meant they could wear the top half with jeans/trousers at a later date for going out. I paid for the dresses and they paid for shoes/hair/makeup - all of which were down to them to choose.

Them feeling happy and comfortable was much more important to me than having a rigid theme. They are all individuals not dolls to dress up.

DanceItOut · 25/07/2020 08:46

OP will you come back and update us when you hear back?

Pandacub7 · 25/07/2020 09:45

If she wants you to pay for your bridesmaid dress then you should be able to choose.

If she wants to choose, then she pays.

Happynow001 · 25/07/2020 11:23

@expatinspain

That’s outrageous! Of course the bride and groom should pay. Bridesmaids can be CF too though (not suggesting you are at all!!). I paid for the dress for mine and she was put out that I wasn’t paying for her shoes too, even though the dress was long and you couldn’t see them and she had plenty of shoes to wear. She also suggested that me and her go for some spa treatments somewhere fairly pricey in the morning before the official hen do and then presented me with the bill 😂

I hope you declined her kind offer for you to pay!

BumbleBeee69 · 25/07/2020 14:52

Woman BLASTS bride-to-be for making her pay £350 for bridesmaid dress
mol.im/a/8559339

SeasonallySnowyPeasant · 25/07/2020 15:36

Thanks Daily Mail for ruining a perfectly good thread

QuestionableMouse · 25/07/2020 15:53

£350 is a week's wage for me. No way.

okiedokieme · 25/07/2020 16:02

Totally unreasonable to expect you to pay for a certain dress. For around £50, less even you can get bridesmaids dresses online (just pay a dressmaker to alter)

janj2301 · 25/07/2020 16:18

My eldest, she paid for the dresses. My youngest, her bridesmaid made their own but she bought the fabric/pattern

Thurmanmurman · 25/07/2020 16:51

No way should bridesmaids pay for their own dresses. If she can't afford it she should get cheaper dresses.