AIBU- £350 bridesmaids dresses

[Youbigdosser]

Me and my sister have been asked to be bridesmaids to our cousin we used to be very close to.
We aren’t short of money but the dresses she has chosen for us to wear and asked us to pay for ourselves are £350 each.
I wouldn’t say no and look cheap but if it was my wedding I’d never ask this of someone. Is she a cf?
Would you pay?
YABU- just go with it
YANBU- she is a cf!

Nope, bride pays for the bridesmaids' dresses. I did. And my wedding dress wasn't much more than £350!

CFs- they choose the dress then they pay! Love it when people spend other people’s money

I am sure there is some website she's looking at which days, authoritatively, it's ok to do this. It is the norm in the US but def not here.

"says" not "days"

She’s been watching too much American reality TV. Unless she and the wedding are in the US, she’s cheeky for asking.

If the wedding is in the US, you are still entitled to say no to being a bridesmaid.

Are bridesmaids meant to paid for their dresses? I've only been a bridesmaid once, but the bride paid. And I paid for the dresses for my bridesmaids too.

If you're expected to pay then £350 is absolutely outrageous!

I wouldn’t say no and look cheap

It’s not you that looks cheap op.

Seriously-you are both going to pay that? Every guest will be thinking how the B&G have spared no expense for their wedding and won’t have a clue you have contributed to the look. I wonder if they are going to be like those B & G’s who add the cost of the reception onto their ‘guests’ room tariffs too.

That's CF-ery of a whole new level.

I chose bridesmaids dresses I loved - I also paid for them because you don't ask people to be your bridesmaids then expect them to pay for the privilege.

The bride pays, no matter how much it costs. They choose, they pay.

Just FYI, if you haven’t done it before, I’ve been a bridesmaid 6 times and never paid for my dress.

Cheeky fucking madness.

Back out now because they’re dictating your hair, nails and accessories and stick you with the bills. Oh, and paying her part of one or more swanky daft arsed hen dos.

You’re doing her a favour, not the other way around. You remember that if she won’t. You’ve been warned, this is just the start of the crazy...

I would refuse, I would consider offering the amount you would have paid for a dress to wear as a guest. If they dictate they pay!!!

How much are they going to want you to spend on shoes, hair, make up, staying over, hen do???

Do not pay for a dress they've picked. It'll be shoes and hair and nails and makeup next. Resign as bridesmaid. You're not the one being cheap. She is. Stand up for yourself and every future bridesmaid who's faced with bridal cheekyfuckery.

Yes I’m in the U.K! They are lovely dresses but doubt I’d wear again. They are actually “prom” dresses

The bride should pay.

I have RTFT, but the first comment (DearDonkey) nails it without further ado.

i paid for my bridesmaid dresses but I then kept them and sold them on as “set of 3 bridesmaid dresses” to recoup some of the costs. not sure if that made me a cf or not. i don’t think they would have worn them again -they were very flowery and of their time!!

@Deardonkey

If the couple is going to dictate which dress you will be wearing then they pay. If you get to choose your own then it would be more reasonable to ask you to pay as you can chose something you may wear again and within your own budget.

This

Say no and also say no to being BM. This way madness lies.

Next will be you paying out for hair and makeup on the day, expensive shoes that can only be obtained from one shop in the arse end of nowhere and that MUST be tried on before purchase with the dresses to ensure they ‘go’. Then you’ll get tasked with organising the hen do, which will - naturally - need to be something ‘super special’ that will also involve significant outlay on your behalf for things like personalised tiaras, and the covering of her place too. Finally, you’ll be expected to buy her an expensive present.

I could be wrong of course.

But I also may have seen this kind of thing before..... 🤷🏻‍♀️

yanbu. tradition dictates that if they choose, they pay.

Are you two the only bridesmaids? If so, that makes things easier. I’d think about a deliberate misunderstanding. So if the colour and style are acceptable you can misunderstand that she wants you to pay for them. “Are you sure CF? They’re lovely but £700 is a lot for you to shell out”. Or If you’re willing to pay, but not that much, “that’s a nice style CF, we’ll do some hunting online and see what we can find for a sensible price”. The offer to withdraw over this is honourable. You can then wear something you own or borrow from a friend for free until you’re uninvited!

If my cousin asked me to pay £350 for a dress I’d be blunt and tell her a very firm no and to be realistic!
If she is choosing then she pays otherwise you both get to choose what you wear instead.

I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking my bridesmaids to pay - the bride should 100% be paying!! I actually got Chinese dresses on eBay for £25 each and they were great, and paid for my girls to have their hair and makeup done on the day. All I asked was they got their own shoes. I would also say the same goes for anyone in your wedding party - you ask them to be part of it, you should pay!

Wow. No, i paid for my bridesmaids dresses and they weren’t anywhere close to £350 either! Def CF.

You need to speak with her now.

You can't dictate a £350 dress!!

Let me guess, they may be following US rules about who pays for the bridesmaid dresses but they have no intention of following US rules about who pays for the drinks all evening (apparently in the US, having a pay bar is a horrendous swoon inducing etiquette breach - the person paying for the wedding pays for all of the alcohol all evening).