Page 9 | Son is turning 18 and thinks it’s ok to stay out til 3am every night

Chocoholic12 · 23/07/2020 17:58

He is nearly 18 YABU I had moved out by then. Even though I would not allow my teen to do it 🙈 maybe YANBU

wentawaycameback · 23/07/2020 18:25

Lots of different opinions. I have an18 yr old DS. He likes to go out but is more often home by midnight rather than just going out. Covid has clipped his wings a bit - pubs closing at 11.00, no clubs etc. Also, this idea of the post A level celebratory summer - he's not been to college since March and exams were cancelled. He still has a summer but also got a job (as did all of his friends). Its hard to party all the time when your shift starts at 7.00am. Posters keep saying 'he's an adult' - he isnt an adult because he doesn't seem to have any responsibilities and this enables him to stay out all night. OP try to get some sleep. Also don't take to heart some of the comments which seem to blame you for being anxious. If he is going to uni this will come to an end soon or let him live with Dad.

Bakedtreat · 23/07/2020 22:47

@AryaStarkWolf

You said your dd was a respectful person - I just assumed that meant she wouldn't disturb you - - how you live is your business - but why post about it if you didn't want anyone to ask about it? You want to tell us all about your situation but you don't want us to ask you questions on a open forum?

Oh she is, people don't always disturb others on purpose but it's a non issue as she doesn't stay out/want to stay out every night till 3am anyway.

You can absolutely ask about it, who ever said you couldn't? I only said I didn't really care if you thought I was right or wrong as you don't live in my house

I never said you were wrong, where did I say this? I enquired about your reasons.

jessstan2 · 23/07/2020 22:56

[quote Goatymcgoaty]@jessstan2 sorry B&B .

No she couldn’t help how she felt. Apart perhaps from pursuing help for her anxiety and depression (she admitted she suffered but said AB’s were not good for people so wouldn’t take them)

It was best that I stayed living elsewhere for all our sakes. The puzzling thing was that she was completely mystified as to why I found it an issue!![/quote]
Your mother probably thought she was being perfectly normal and correct. My mum was like that.

I agree about antidepressants though, they so often make a situation worse.

All in the past now. I'm glad you have a sensible and realistic approach to parenthood. It's so important not to project our fears onto our kids.

iolaus · 23/07/2020 23:08

I remember ringing my 19 year old as she'd said she'd be home about 12.30, it was an hour later and although I'd gone to bed, I (thought) stayed awake - she answered and was in bed in the next room oops

I have 2 over 18 and I ask them to let me know what time they should be in, and to text when they get in - so I can wake up and check my phone rather than check their room. My general attitude is that please let me know when you'll be home so I know not to worry, you are an adult so if staying at a friends/boyfriends please let me know

monkeyonthetable · 24/07/2020 23:10

MY 18 yr old just asked my permission to go for a coffee with a mate this afternoon. I wonder if I am too protective. Or if he's just very polite.

cuntryclub · 24/07/2020 23:19

@monkeyonthetable

MY 18 yr old just asked my permission to go for a coffee with a mate this afternoon. I wonder if I am too protective. Or if he's just very polite.

You are far too protective. Don't dress it up as being polite. My 19 yo tells me when she is going out, she has impeccable manners. Asking permission to behave like an adult when you are an isn't polite. It's weird.

monkeyonthetable · 24/07/2020 23:27

@cuntryclub. You are jumping to conclusions! He's just turned 18 and he is extremely polite by nature. Tbh, I was very surprised that he asked. He doesn't have to ask permission to go out during the day, though I would expect him to tell me he's off out, as that's courtesy if I'm cooking and expecting him in for dinner etc. We've done a lot together as a family during lockdown, so I think it probably was politeness - he was probably checking that we didn't have something planned together that he'd forgotten about.

And I'd never say he can't go out at night but we live rurally and he hasn't yet learned to drive so it involves picking him up or someone else driving him home.

D4rwin · 24/07/2020 23:28

My mum struggled to sleep when we were out with no structure to it. So we agreed home by 1 am or stay out, it was ok for us as 18 year olds to agree to that as we were not stroppy teens with a curfew, it was just polite to share a house with her when she had work and her own studies etc.

Now frequently we did "sneak home" but that didn't bother her, as long as she knew not to wait up she didn't and slept fine. Maybe worth discussing a compromise?

cuntryclub · 24/07/2020 23:29

You are jumping to conclusions! He's just turned 18 and he is extremely polite by nature.

No conclusion here. You drew the comparison between politeness and asking to go out for a coffee. I just pointed out being polite isn't about asking to go out.

Bakedtreat · 25/07/2020 00:05

@monkeyonthetable

MY 18 yr old just asked my permission to go for a coffee with a mate this afternoon. I wonder if I am too protective. Or if he's just very polite.

I think your 18 year old is too permissive, and I’d be worried. Unless he is being overly flippant and a bit sarcastic about his need for permission.

monkeyonthetable · 25/07/2020 13:49

He's not being sarcastic. I think he was just probably not thinking much. he usually has to ask if it's OK for him to go out at night if he's staying late because it involves being picked up. And a few times recently he's asked to stay over with friends and I've said no due to Covid restrictions, so he was probably just in the habit of asking permission, even though it was just a coffee in a nearby cafe. He's been all over the world without me and because of a sport he plays at national level is rarely home most summers, and hasn't been since he was about 14 so he's not over-protected. He's just home now because all his fixtures have been cancelled due to covid..

jessstan2 · 25/07/2020 16:19

iolaus
I remember ringing my 19 year old as she'd said she'd be home about 12.30, it was an hour later and although I'd gone to bed, I (thought) stayed awake - she answered and was in bed in the next room oops
..
:-) :-) :-)

Bonniegirlie · 25/07/2020 16:33

Well if he disturbs you when he comes in, do it back to him. Make as much noise as you can when you get up. All the time till you have to go out. Perhaps he will realise it's very antisocial disturbing you every night till such a late time. Even if you had managed to get to sleep, no doubt him coming in would wake you. He is being very inconsiderate

NeverForgetYourDreams · 25/07/2020 16:38

As soon as I could drive I stayed out late and my 'curfew' was 3am

strawberrypip · 25/07/2020 16:54

I was out partying at that age every weekend, not coming home until 3/4 in the morning - that's if I came home at all. I get that its worrying but your kid is an adult now, as long as they are respectful of your rules and are not disturbing you by coming in really loud/bringing people back etc. I think you need to chill out.

MiniMum97 · 26/07/2020 00:24

@love21

My son is intelligent and amazing but all of a sudden he is almost 18 and thinks he can go out at midnight to meet girls and friends and roll in when he likes - it worries me to death ! Apart from that he is good - he likes a drink but nothing heavy - I just stay up til 3-4 waiting each night as I can’t relax til he is home safe

What are you talking about. He's 18. An adult. Perfectly normal behaviour at this age. Why the fuck are you waiting up for him. Go to bed and let him grow up.