To tell people that my twins are five?

[lukasiak]

Even though they technically don't turn five until November?

Dh is in a right hump about it. He thinks by me telling everybody that they are already five that it makes people place age inappropriate expectations on them. I think it's all just semantics, and those who actually need to know their real age know it. It's a bad habit I picked up from my mother, and my older children have survived me rounding their age up once their birthdays drew close with out being labelled as having additional needs, as seems to be DH's primary concern.

Is it really that big of a deal?

It’s a very odd thing to do tbh.

I’ve never known somebody to round up their children’s ages at all.

Why not just say their actual age?

I actually do this with my own age! I think it’s because I’m quite small and look a lot younger than I actually am and people just assume I’m quite naive. So I’d say something like “ I do know these things I’m 30 years old” when I actual fact I’m not 30 until November. I never thought of it being weird at all to be honest 😂

This is odd.

DD has a December birthday.
January - April I say 'she was 4 in December'
May-August I say 'she's 4 and a half'
September onwards I say 'she'll be 5 in December'

My friend does this and it drives me crazy. She started going on about her ‘11 year old’ the minute he turned 10!

With twins especially I’d be inclined to round down as they can be slightly behind their peers for the first few years IME.

Ok - rounding up is common to do but only as you age & have a few years under your belt.

Eg I always round up the year - am turning 38 this year so been saying am 38 for months now). Since 36 been saying am “almost 40” because at age 36 I was turning 37, so to me this is almost 40.

I love rounding up my age, better to be told you look fantastic for almost 40 than lying & saying your 30 due to insecurity about your actual age. I round up for the fun of it so much I often forget how old I actually am.

But your children are too young for this - the difference between a 4 & 5 year old developmentally is a far greater gap. I’m not sure what the advantage is for rounding up & do feel your husband is right here. People may then assume your kids have been of school age all year, or that they may be turning 6 much sooner.

Why don’t you just say “they’ll be 5 in November” ? Or “they’re 4 and a half” - At least you don’t do that wretched. “They are xxx months old!” - I will give you that

I agree with you in theory because I round up my age, but do this for yourself, not your children.

How odd

I just cannot fathom why on earth you would do this. It's easier to just say their actual age rather than add on a year because your other children have had a birthday. Do your 4 year olds understand birthdays? If you've been telling them that are 5 for ages, what happens when their actual birthday arrives? They are still 5? Children are usually quite proud of telling people their ages and you're not allowing them to know even basic information about themselves. What possible advantage can there be for this? It just causes confusion for everyone. Aren't they wondering why, on their sister's birthday, they suddenly became 5 but without any cards, presents or cake? It's weird, silly and pointless and confusing for your children. Let them be their correct age.

Attention seeking

you are being weird about this.
not only about the younger dc.
do you want one big children's birthday once a year 'to make things easier'?

This would drive me nuts. I bet you won’t be allowing them to say they’re 18 in the July that they’re 17. It’s similar to how my mum constantly calls me and my sister by each other’s names, but manages to get the name of everyone else she knows right - it’s like you think of your children only in terms of their relationship to you, like they’re your pets, rather than as individuals about whom key details such as their name and age are as important as they are to everyone else.

DH does this with my age. As soon as I've had my birthday, he puts me onto the next number above my real age. It makes me forget my real age and is weirdly annoying. Thankful now that he doesn't do it to the kids! Stop doing it!

it is a deal because it is a lie

My mother did this and it's one of the many reasons why we have a distant relationship to this day. Just say "they will be five in November" if you must round their age up. Don't you want them to get into free stuff for the under fives?

It's a bit bizarre, OP, but I don't think you're the only parent who does it. I've had kids in KS2 in my class convinced that they were a year older than they actually were- I had to check the register to prove it to them. At the time I was baffled, but if their parents are doing this is makes a lot of sense why they'd be confused.

YABU and it's a strange thing to do. I agree with your DH that if you say they are already 5 people will expect them to be more advanced emotionally and socially than they are. A 5yo would have already completed reception class & so would be more advanced than a nursery age child.

if they are five they must be at school already?
no,
they start school in september?

My mum used to do this! She would add a year onto my age, however it was done in a way to reprimand me when I was younger "oh your 15 now! You shouldn't be doing that" on and on we go.

do you want one big children's birthday once a year 'to make things easier'?

I was thinking the same.

I have never known anyone do this, it’s a very odd thing to do. Just say their real ages.

My son would agree with you - he is 12 but will say that he is technically in his 13th year, but that’s just because he wants to play games etc older than his real age! I don’t understand why a parent would do this though.

What a very odd thing to do. They are 4. Say they are 4 ffs.

But it's not 'nearly' November, and you've added a whole school year on to them, so yes people will have behavioural expectations of them.

Isn't it a bit weird to say they are five, then when its their birthday people will ask how old they are and you reply five!🤔

I think this is weird for an adult to say about themselves (it certainly is not common as a positive suggested) but it is almost unkind to do it to a child. You’re not just rounding up by a few months-the other Peterson doesn’t know your system and ‘5’ could mean a whole year on or more from where they are now.

You’re placing unrealistic expectations on your children, making it seem like their age only matters in relation to their siblings’ ages (or that you can’t remember them accurately) and taking away their understanding of time and age.

Very silly and confusing.

When you're telling everyone they're 12 people will wonder what's wrong with them because they're still at primary school.
When they're "17" they'll get asked if they're starting driving lessons, but actually they won't be old enough.
When they're "18" and want to drink in pubs but can't produce ID, do you think "well my mum says I'm 18" will suffice.

It's more than just a bit irritating. There's something sad about seeming to wish time away, especially for your children's lives. Their childhood is precious.

It is odd, just say nearly 5.