How does this text make you judge my recently ended relationship?

[swervedmrnasty]

Dear Swerved

It is important for me that you know the effects you had on my self esteem during our relationship

1. Kissing a squaddie in a bar and getting an ex boyfriend undressed when staying at his place while I was looking after my grieving kids in 2017

1. Going to the pub in 2018 with no knickers on whilst I was working 400m away, getting chatted up by an ex con and coming home with their number

1. Calling me a ‘cunt’ last Christmas in front of all the children

1. Calling me a ‘cunt’ after the skiing holiday

That accumulation is when I eventually gave up on us: I hope you learn something from me pointing this out.

Regards

Mr Nasty (or is he.... hence AIBU?)

Here you go:

@SmileyClare

Jesus there are some abusive arseholes out there. I think unless you've had a taste of something like that, people don't quite grasp the mind games, the second guessing yourself and also the highs of the relationship when he could be the perfect man. It's quite chilling.

I think it's important to remember that it's not your fault. Flowers for everyone

This. Reading your posts made me feel sick OP because I’ve been there I believe you and I can tell you have the strength to get rid for good. Do not unblock his number.

Swerved, anything you send to him by text will be used as 'proof' to others that he's telling the truth about you. So you can either ignore him and block, or you can send something that he wouldn't dare show anyone else. Something that would really confirm his cunthood

Now get those pants off and down the pub, please!

OP sounds like one of those people that say "I'm real whacky me" don't think anyone would be supporting the OP if she was male tbh. I've seen it on here many a time how being called a cunt by someones partner would cause them to seriously rethink or end a relationship.

You should have replied “It’s amazing how you’ve managed to deliberately twist every single fact and get it wrong, other than the fact that I called you a cunt. And just for the record, you absolutely are a cunt - for many reasons. Don’t contact me again.”

Just as an aside, I don’t like wearing knickers. I rarely bother. I find them deeply uncomfortable. I don’t wear short skirts or dresses. It’s my choice what material I choose to wear next to my genitals. No-one gets to decide that for me and anyone who thinks privately skipping underwear is a reflection of my character is indeed a cunt.

Incidentally I rarely use the word but on this occasion I find it most appropriate 😘😂😂

If my partner was telling me these "funny" stories (especially the no knickers which is just odd and not part of the story unless your dress was white in which case you have bigger problems) I'd wonder what the game was. And feel a bit disrespected. Hard to believe there isn't an "I'm so attractive I could have anyone and nearly did without my knickers on but ended up with little old you ha ha" narrative going on, even unconsciously.

Well as the good book says (near enough) "let she who has never socialised with a former sexual partner, got drink with him, taken him home and taken off his trousers, and then related this to her current partner as an hilarious anecdote cast the first blocked text message". Amen.

ExhaustedFlamingo I read that as "privately skipping IN underwear" 😂

I'd be inclined to wonder if he was a bit delusional tbh. My ex has schizophrenia and used to have all sorts of delusions about me.

I would unblock, reply CUNT and then re-block.

How would he know someone gave you his number in the pub, or that you had no knickers of whilst there? How would he know you took an ex’s trousers off?

I suspect you both wound each other up and it was a toxic relationship. Who cares whether people believe what he says or not? Makes no difference to your life and it’s outside of your control. Never interact with him again and move on with your life and shift your focus.

You asked about a reply to your message:

Do not reply. Unless he sends you a message about something of practicality or importance - e.g., I have some of your kids stuff here, can you pick it up on Tuesday - then do not reply to anything.

Take the high road. It means you can move on with your life and as an added bonus it will drive him absolutely nuts.

I am pleased that you have written this short story, as I was wanting something interesting,and quick to read in bed tonight. Thanks !!

He sounds like a total shit, and you sound like a total drama llama. You should just block him, but I doubt you will. I'd steer clear of both of you.

How would he know someone gave you his number in the pub, or that you had no knickers of whilst there? How would he know you took an ex’s trousers off?

There’s a link that says “see all” under the OP. So you can see, well, all of the Op’s replies.
The no knickers was discovered by her randy partner on his return home from work. The person she took the trousers off was and is, an old family friend rather than a random ex she’s bumped into.

Calling you partner a cunt isn’t great. There’s a massive difference between muttering it because you’re feeling defensive and screaming it in someone’s face because you’re angry,

So he sounds like a cunt. The last two points in his text should therefore thave said 'correctly identified me as a cunt when I ....'

So I think his text lacks correct phraseology.

Hope you are enjoying life far more now, with or without your knickers.

First of all, the tone is unnecessary. I read the drip feed, thanks. He still wouldn’t know either of the situations in any detail unless he was told, which is unnecessary and was probably an ego boost for OP. He sounds like an insecure moron, but I’m not convinced she’s done nothing wrong. Both sound toxic.

Ah. The old "you might learn something" bollocks.

An ex of mine once told me to listen to an episode of womens hour on radio 4 as it might help me understand why I was so shit in bed.

He also told anyone who would listen about what a using slut I was

Whatever dude!

He also smoked weed. Cut from the same bolt I reckon..
I really think you have to have been in a relationship with this type to understand what it's like.
They're nuts! Well done for ditching him.

If there are any trips to the pub, may I come too, please?
I always wear pants, but don't care whether anyone else does or doesn't

If that text just arrived put of the blue some time after you split up, swervedmrnasty then what it says to me, regardless of content is:
I'm thinking about you
I'm thinking about you
I'm thinking about you
I'm thinking about you

If you blocked without replying, then the message you sent him is
I'm not

So well done. Moral victory is yours.
Is 8am too early for a swift half?

Honestly I'm slim, attractive and look young for my age. And can categorically say I would never undress/ put to bed another adult. Especially not someone of the opposite sex that I had previously had a sexual relationship with!

And if my partner did that... I'd be pretty fucking annoyed. I can't imagine other people wouldn't be. There's loads of posters on MN who think men shouldn't have female friends of any kind. But a woman undressing a (drunk) ex is fine? Complete double standards.

@VictoriousSockPuppet Is 8am too early for a swift half?

Now you know the answer to that.

No because it is early evening somewhere in the world.

To those standing up for this 'man'.., I've had millions of texts over the years and broken up with lots of men. I have never seen anything that batshit or vile from anyone, ever before.

I've also read the OPs messages and even squinting carefully have not managed to extrapolate that she had been winding him up and trying to make him jealous. Or doing anything 'toxic'

He's badly behaved, paranoid. And crazy. A bullet well and truly dodged.

@Jojobar

Honestly I'm slim, attractive and look young for my age. And can categorically say I would never undress/ put to bed another adult. Especially not someone of the opposite sex that I had previously had a sexual relationship with!

And if my partner did that... I'd be pretty fucking annoyed. I can't imagine other people wouldn't be. There's loads of posters on MN who think men shouldn't have female friends of any kind. But a woman undressing a (drunk) ex is fine? Complete double standards.

“Honestly I'm slim, attractive and look young for my age”....... Jojobar, you forgot to add to your list ‘ and humble’. 😂