How does this text make you judge my recently ended relationship?

[swervedmrnasty]

Dear Swerved

It is important for me that you know the effects you had on my self esteem during our relationship

1. Kissing a squaddie in a bar and getting an ex boyfriend undressed when staying at his place while I was looking after my grieving kids in 2017

1. Going to the pub in 2018 with no knickers on whilst I was working 400m away, getting chatted up by an ex con and coming home with their number

1. Calling me a ‘cunt’ last Christmas in front of all the children

1. Calling me a ‘cunt’ after the skiing holiday

That accumulation is when I eventually gave up on us: I hope you learn something from me pointing this out.

Regards

Mr Nasty (or is he.... hence AIBU?)

I don't think I'd want to be friendly with either of you.

Multicolourmophead Try reversing the positions...how would you feel if your partner went out drinking for the night and partly undressed an allegedly drunk "old friend' of the opposite sex. Or took a number from some random in a pub whilst out with no underwear on, and THEN thought these were funny stories to relay to you?

I'm the least jealous person but I'd be pretty livid in those circumstances and not find it in the slightest bit funny...it would feel like a deliberate wind up/ immature piss take.

Couldn’t be arsed with him and this nonsense - with or without pants !

To be honest, if I heard that set of stories from a bloke, I'd keep my distance from both of you for the moment.

1. and 2. So he's one of those twats who thinks every woman is off out trying to jump random men at every opportunity if they have the temerity to open the front door unescorted by The Man of the House or all the children in tow. And likes to drag up random shit from the past that probably bears no resemblance to reality.

3 and 4. He needs to get over himself.

Overall - sounds like a dickhead that's been dumped and has been trying to think of reasons to make it all the woman's fault ever since.

Nobody will care. If that's what he uses as his opening gambits for OLD, his stunning lack of success at converting into a field goal is probably why he's composed that message now.

What the heck is a ''Reverse''?

I honestly don't get the bitchiness on this thread.

Just after a bath with a maxi dress- you do all know they go right to the floor don't you? Popping out to do a short errand I may have done it. Not common and definitely not with anything shorter than a midi but not outrageous.

Having s a half with your brother in the village pub is hardly crime of the century either.

A horrible man accusing me of all sorts and making me look like an idiot on holidays buying drugs on a ski trip? No no no. Why is no one shocked at that part? I can see how muttering the worst word you can think of would be possible.

The paranoia is indeed weed induced. I won't go out with smokers for that very reason. But he sounds deranged and you've clearly had a close call!

Next time post this in relationships (less judgy) and ask what people think saying up front it's not true. Unless you wanted to see if it sounded plausible?

I read it and thought it sounded mad. Either you are completely out of control or he's a fantasist.

I would have text back ‘oh don’t be such a cunt’ and then blocked, but I’m childish like that!

@MulticolourMophead because she had come home and made sure her DP knew about it. How attractive she is that she has these men falling over themselves to give her their numbers, chatting her up. Despite him apparently being paranoid, insecure and controlling and therefore unlikely to see the humour in it.

The fact she is so worried people will believe it also is telling.

Just how it comes across to me, I could have missed the mark massively but thats the beauty of a public forum, you get a whole range of view points.

Neither of you sound like my type of people, honestly. Mistakes and unsavoury behaviour on both sides, from the sound of it.

Assuming this is all true, and not some bizarre reality soap opera thing, the whole relationship sounds utterly toxic, and I'm glad I don't go skiing if it means I avoid encountering this sort of couple.

There is no excuse to call anyone a cunt in front of children, including teenagers who have "heard it all and worse".

You also need to put some knickers on in case you are ever in a road traffic accident.

Vodka- I suspect most people have had a partner who does this 'story about how attractive I am' and other acting single behaviours, and you are supposed to be all cool with it and not care about the total lack of respect shown.

@oakleaffy

What the heck is a ''Reverse''?

A reverse is when someone posts from the opposing point of view to get responses, in this case it would be the person who had sent the text posting in reverse instead of the person who received it.

Why were his kids grieving? Were you living together?

A simple response would be 'I called you a cunt because you are one!' and then block and move on.

He’s an ex. Move on. Don’t engage.

OP said kids were grieving (supposedly) after an aunt had died.

He smells repugnant from his weed habit which he hid from me

This doesn’t make sense.

Sounds overall like a toxic relationship all round. Just block him.

MN has gone on the blinkers for ages - sorry to vanish and not intentional.

I suppose if I had posted in Relationships, I would have the (correct in my view) support of gaslighting, narcissist, block him, sort of opinion

I'm intrigued to hear from those who cannot see his lies and exaggeration within his self pity. I do need the insight of what others believe when they hear such words.

Sadly, this town is a small one and we have many many mutual friends. I've already suffered some cold shoulder since splitting - I've covered up on his weed habit as professionally, it's quite suicidal for him.

At this stage, can I point out my children are nothing but relieved he has gone....

If you ever get in a relationship again, don't tell him every minute detail of your life. "So funny, I got chatted up by..." "Hah, you'll never guess what I did, went to the pub with no knickers on" "You won't believe this, but a huge muscle-bound career criminal gave me his number" "f"*king cunt, oh sorry kids, didn't see you there" "f*king cunt, ooops my potty mouth again".

Did you actually do these things? In which case he has something to complain about. Or is he just being paranoid?

you also need to put some knickers on in case you're in a road traffic accident

This is why I go to bed in knickers. In case I have to descend a fireman's ladder from my bedroom window in the event of a fire.

There does seem to be a bit of a theme men wise here Op... I used to have a weakness for bad men until I realised they were er bad. So far you've entertained the alky squaddie, the steroid taking testosterone head and the controlling bastard with an edgy drug habit. You don't have to be nice to everyone you meet in the pub

Whereas you seem to come from a nice family with their own private ski resort.

And for those who seem to just not understand me.....

Doing this on MN, laying it out, arguing with you lot, giving my plausible (downright honest and simplistic reasons) responses to the accusations (no knickers you're such a whore) is because I cannot and will not open up this book with him again. It's the nightmare you can't wake up from, the chasing dream leaving you sweating, the disbelief (with shame you didn't deserve) how can someone say these things about me.... it's horror.

I feel dismay at his lies. I feel low. I feel like I shouldn't like myself. I'm not a nice person because someone believes this about me to be true.

Life is giving me lemons and I should pick them up and squeeze them in his eyes the soul sapping shit bag. cunt

swervedmrnasty

He's probably not actually saying it like that to other people in RL, though?

The message he sent you would sound utterly deranged if sent to a relative stranger. I would assume he's a bit more persuasive than that when speaking about the break up to other people. As I've never met him, I can't tell how much more.

@MadameButterface OMG that made me spit my coffee everywhere lol call him a cunt for old times sake 😂😂😂

Got distracted by people focusing on the no knickers with a maxi dress part. Maxi dresses are down to your ankles. She wasn’t going flash anyone
Better going commando than having a VPL.

As for the actual point of the thread, yes the list paints you in a bad light but true friends will listen to your side and realise it’s not as bad as it sounds.
And no one really believes the crazy ex partner anyway.

Well you’ve agreed that about half of his accusations are true, so too late to play the entirely innocent victim. You’re very self aggrandising - your looks and attractiveness, your “family name” I have no doubt you’ll find someone amazing to take his place. Next time I wouldn’t cover up a career-ruining drug habit. And knowing your kids are happy he’s gone is good, but it’s a shame they had to put up with him for several years.