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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at colleague talking to me like he is my manager?

168 replies

Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:03

I am a project manager in my late 20s. The male colleague in question is late 30s to early 40s I would say. He is a web developer and I oversee the overall projects. My line manager is happy with the way this project is progressing and I have to all in hand.

Well today this developer started saying things 'you need to push the client to get X information because David says the project has to be completed by X date'. David has only said as much because I set that deadline! And I have already done everything he says I 'need' to do.

He has twice today told me he thinks I should set up meetings with my own clients when a meeting has already been set up and it is nothing to do with him. He even asked 'have you done X yet?' about something which is NONE of his business and a line of questioning I expect from my manager only.

Basically I am perfectly capable with what I am doing and am not willing to be undermined in this way. Any tips?

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 22/07/2020 19:08

Is he a web developer for the project in question? Because if so, I think you are failing at the downward/team communication aspect of your job. Your comments about it being none of his business and nothing to do with him would only apply if he’s not on the project team. You as project manager owe the team status updates and to pass on key information to them...including end user/client information and status.

DrManhattan · 22/07/2020 19:09

Get him told

PrayingandHoping · 22/07/2020 19:09

Just reply that you already have done those things and the deadline is one that u set as u are the manager.

justasking111 · 22/07/2020 19:12

Is there a confidentiality issue as to why you are not discussing this with him, nor your line manager

EarlLeighIndamornin · 22/07/2020 19:14

I would ask him who he thinks is managing the project? But I am rather straightforward.

helpfulperson · 22/07/2020 19:14

I do agree it sounds like he maybe doesn't have all the info about the project that he needs.

However I would go back with phrases like ' yes that's right, that the deadline date I told David it needed to be' and then ask him some questions about his part of the project. Or if he isnt on the project at all ' I didnt realise you were on this project. I'll need to just chat that through with David'

Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:15

I have already done this @PlanDeRaccordement. I called an update meeting on Monday with him and the others where I informed them of the timeframe and schedule. I updated him again this morning. He started bossing me around this afternoon.

I feel really angry about it and obviously I cant 'get him told' but I will need to handle it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:16

Yes I think I need to make it clear that is the deadline that set, not David. I have the problem of freezing when I am angry. I will need to develop that pronto.

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 22/07/2020 19:18

@PlanDeRaccordement

Is he a web developer for the project in question? Because if so, I think you are failing at the downward/team communication aspect of your job. Your comments about it being none of his business and nothing to do with him would only apply if he’s not on the project team. You as project manager owe the team status updates and to pass on key information to them...including end user/client information and status.
This. As someone who has worked with a lot of project managers as a business sponsor, SME and part of the project team there’s a big difference between a PM that’s good at communicating and one that is not. It’s also part of a PMs role to ‘manage’ all the different stakeholders in the project - this involves the developer that thinks they can do your role. If you’re going to be fuming every time someone does that you’re going to spend a lot of your work life angry!
PatchworkElmer · 22/07/2020 19:21

Can you put a list of deliverables together, with responsible person, due date, then indicate if completed or not? Or hold project team briefing/ update meetings?

Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:23

I am a good communicator which was confirmed in my most recent perfomance review. I set a meeting with the team for Monday so we could go over all progress and updates. I then updated them again this morning.

The point is I told him this is where we are at, this is the deadline and this is when we will have a meeting. He is telling me he thinks it should be done a different way but it is not his business to set up meetings or make those particular decisions. Those decisions have been agreed by myself and my boss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:24

I have done all that. Doc with delieverables and who is responsible. We had the update meeting on Monday where we also went through the deliverables doc crossing off what has been done and what needs done in the next week. I feel I am already doing everything.

OP posts:
cantarina · 22/07/2020 19:25

You need a cosy chat where you let him know what your role on the project is and what his is. Grab a coffee with him. Explain how you have been confused by his actions in recent days. That it's better to go forward on the basis of all knowing who has responsibility for what. That he really doesn't need to chase you up on deadlines that you have set because keeping the project on time is such a key part of your role that it makes him look a bit daft if he is reminding you of deadlines. That sort of thing.

You basically need to establish boundaries, nice but firm.

Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:25

I personally think he sees me as a young woman who cant possibly have things in hand.

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BlessYourCottonSocks · 22/07/2020 19:26

He is telling me he thinks it should be done a different way but it is not his business to set up meetings or make those particular decisions. Those decisions have been agreed by myself and my boss.

Then that's easy. The minute he does this you state confidently, But this is not your business, Peter. You are not managing this project - I am. And Gordon and I have already discussed this. Please don't overstep your role.

Then smile and move away.

Waiting42021 · 22/07/2020 19:26

My DH is a developer, and I’m sure he’s pissed off plenty of PMs over the years Grin

One of the main things he complains about is a lack of communication. He also hates it when PMs are slow to receive/relay important information that would help him to do his job, as he’s usually the one who gets it in the neck when things aren’t pushed live on time.

This could be the case here, or it might not be. I agree with PP though, what he’s asked you seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Cosmos45 · 22/07/2020 19:27

Is he a web developer for the project in question? Because if so, I think you are failing at the downward/team communication aspect of your job. Your comments about it being none of his business and nothing to do with him would only apply if he’s not on the project team. You as project manager owe the team status updates and to pass on key information to them...including end user/client information and status.

Again this.. I am a project manager and currently am managing 9 projects with a whole host of teams (trainers, data conversion guys, technical consultants and the clients) and the main thing is to say it once, say it again and then repeat yourself. I would rather an email saying "yeah you mentioned that in your last email" than one saying "sorry you never told me that". The reason he is querying you is not because he thinks he is your manager but lacking clarity on what is going on and is fearing a cock up.

whattimeisitrightnow · 22/07/2020 19:29

I would be seething but in your position I’d remain calm and just inform him that you have discussed these issues with your manager already. If he pushes, a firm “Sorry, I thought we had established that I’ve communicated with Manager Name on this matter.”

This is in an ideal world, though. Knowing myself I’d probably snap at him and then cry in the toilets...

ChangeThePassword · 22/07/2020 19:30

Just take him aside and speak to him.

Tell him you have noticed he's been making suggestions that had already been done and are not part of his remit, and you are wondering if he has concerns over the way the project is being handled and the way things are being communicated.

Maybe you'll discover he has genuine reason to be concerned (maybe he's used to being kept in the loop more and you need to kerri the team up to date on progress) or maybe he'll realise that you are competent. But just have the conversation.

AmelieTaylor · 22/07/2020 19:30

Don't let him get away with it!

Respond firmly. Things like 'Yes, I know that's the date.I set it'

'I have done X. I'm managing this project thank you'

If he fails to take the hint, you'll need to get even more blunt

'this project has a manager, me, if you fancy a change of job you'll need to speak to xx to see if there's a project that needs managing and see if they're willing to let you have a go.

'MY job is Project Manager, yours is A web designer on this project... you seem confused about that?!'

Original poster
Maria53 · 22/07/2020 19:32

To all the posters telling me what I should be doing in my own role, you are no better imo.

I have given frequent status updates throughout and continue to do so. Ill check that askamanager post out @Sharkerr, thank you.

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SeasonFinale · 22/07/2020 19:32

Just say. Thanks Bob. I have done that. Yes that is all in hand. Already done. Yes I set the deadline remember. Yes I know I am lead on this remember. Every single time!

beautifulxdisasters · 22/07/2020 19:33

"you need to push the client to get X information because David says the project has to be completed by X date"

The only way this is ok is if what it really means is "I really need X information asap otherwise I won't be able to deliver my part of the project to the timeline David wants - could you follow it up with the client please?" And really, you should know that already if you're doing your job, and shouldn't need reminding.

It doesn't sound like it does though?

BaseDrops · 22/07/2020 19:34

Turn it round. Say “you seem concerned about getting the information you need to deliver on time is there a reason why you think that will be a problem?”

“Is there something specific you want to be included in the meetings you are asking about?”

Have you done x yet.

“It’s all being done on time in line with the plan you can access, is there a specific reason you are asking about x?”
Be ultra professional and keep batting it back. He sounds twitchy about something, I’d want to know why.