To be annoyed the cleaner travelled abroad while we paid her not to clean?

[MaroonMacaron]

NC for this.

First of all, I know that I can’t ban anyone from travelling but I am annoyed and wondering if I have the right to be.

Our cleaner stopped coming at the beginning of lockdown. We continued to pay her weekly, I know some clients paid a proportion, some nothing at all. She was very grateful, said it was a huge help as she was skint.

As soon as lockdown lifted, she got on the plane to visit family in her home country (on the list with no need to quarantine).

All this time we’ve been super careful, not seen any grandparents, very little travel locally, let alone abroad (dh’s family is from Sweden and we’d love to visit but we are giving it more time). As I said, I know I can’t ban someone from travelling but then she’s clearly not that skint if she can afford plane tickets. I also think she has increased the risk to herself, and everyone she works for, by travelling at this time. I guess it doesn’t sit right with me that the money i was thinking was helping her through lockdown was actually funding her travelling.

YABU - she can spend her money any way she likes
YANBU - I would be annoyed as well

@JaniceWebster how do you know she paid for the tickets?

She's not allowed to see her family? You chose to pay her, you dont get to hold it against her.

Yabu. The only concern for you is what period after her return you are happy to have her back in your home.

I might be missing the point here but I thought there was a government scheme to help self-employed people who couldn't work during lockdown? (like the furlough scheme but based on recent earnings?)

Re the health risk, surely she would adhere to the UK's policy of self-isolation upon re-entry to the UK, if applicable. If not applicable, that's because the government think she poses no greater risk than the average person out and about at the supermarket etc.

I hope Mr Hudson gave her a strong talking to and reminded her that the Workhouse would welcome her with open arms.

I hope at the very least you have stopped the once a month afternoon off to see her family as you never know what she could be taking out of your larder to give them.

If you are worried about infection unless she doesn't work for anyone else she will be going from house to house anyway. And seeing people and going places in her personal life too, as is allowed. Doesn't matter if it's in UK or otherwise. So it's not really feasible for you to have any cleaner in your home from that point of view if you are worried about risks.
If it's just about the fact you are miffed she may have been able to afford to go abroad and not facing destitution like you assumed than yes, YABU.

"The cleaner said she was skint, she isn't , not a big deal, just find a new cleaner"

Sack her for not spending her money in ways you approve

What if she'd spent it on boxsets and a mahoosive stash of chocolate, instead of cold gruel ?

With a cheapo plane ticket, she might have found it cheaper to spend a holiday with family, than stay home and buy all her own gruel / groceries

Her family may have sent her the ticket.
You sound very mean.

Lol Janice you’re funny

Fucking hell. She's not your fucking slave.

I just wanted to comment on the cost aspect, because it sounds like it's one thing (not the only thing) that's bothering you.

I'm in Poland, and I have an alert set up to let me know about cheap flights to the UK (I don't have immediate plans to travel, but I like to know what's going on). I just got an alert for a round-trip Warsaw - Edinburgh flight for £11.40, and that's low end but still in line with what I've been seeing for the last couple of weeks, booking 2-3 weeks ahead. (And that is crazy cheap for summer.)

With flight prices that low: if your cleaner can stay with family or friends, shop at local markets, and cook her own food, she may actually save money overall by spending a few weeks in her home country (if it's a short flight and the cost of living there is cheaper). Of course, if her home country is, say, Iceland or Norway or Switzerland, maybe not so much. And if she's flying to New Zealand, that's a more expensive flight. But if it's a central/eastern European or North African country, she may actually have little or no extra cost (even possibly some savings) for taking the trip vs staying home. And as PPs have said - she may have family obligations to meet.

@Maduixa

I just wanted to comment on the cost aspect, because it sounds like it's one thing (not the only thing) that's bothering you.

I'm in Poland, and I have an alert set up to let me know about cheap flights to the UK (I don't have immediate plans to travel, but I like to know what's going on). I just got an alert for a round-trip Warsaw - Edinburgh flight for £11.40, and that's low end but still in line with what I've been seeing for the last couple of weeks, booking 2-3 weeks ahead. (And that is crazy cheap for summer.)

With flight prices that low: if your cleaner can stay with family or friends, shop at local markets, and cook her own food, she may actually save money overall by spending a few weeks in her home country (if it's a short flight and the cost of living there is cheaper). Of course, if her home country is, say, Iceland or Norway or Switzerland, maybe not so much. And if she's flying to New Zealand, that's a more expensive flight. But if it's a central/eastern European or North African country, she may actually have little or no extra cost (even possibly some savings) for taking the trip vs staying home. And as PPs have said - she may have family obligations to meet.

Yup. Many don't realise how cheaply one can fly. Italy and Spain are regularly under £20 each way. I remember years ago my friend buying tickets to Poland for a quid. Not joking. A quid.

MadameButterface
why funny? because I can understand the difference between paying someone what you own them - wages or any kind of pay - and paying a sum to specifically help them out?

well according to mnhq the op is genuine
which i think makes it worse

@GabsAlot

well according to mnhq the op is genuine which i think makes it worse

No way!

Congratulations you've made it onto Mumsnet madness on Twitter.

Does your employer dictate to you how you spend your wages?

Fuck sake OP. YABVVVVVU.

Bloody hell Caeser, does she fan you with palm fronds too and peel your grapes?

Nice Freudian slip @JaniceWebster - the OP probably does think she 'owns' her.

Jason118
you are confusing freudian slip with foreigners who have not a 100% grasp of the English language, sorry to disappoint!

I am laughing at all the posters who are falling over themselves to claim they would be delighted if they were giving money to someone to help them out and then realise they didn't need the handout at all after all

It was a nice gesture, not needed, no big deal! No one is querying the use of your own wages!

This thread is really awful. No good deed goes unpunished in this case you felt by continuing to pay you got to control she got punished by accepting it.
I wonder how many friends and family you told about the good deed you done for the poor domestic servant.
Now you're telling Mnet.
I hope life stays fine for you mounted on your high horse.

I've just AS'd. First and only thread.

She can choose to do what she wants. You can also choose if you want her to remain as your cleaner.