To be annoyed the cleaner travelled abroad while we paid her not to clean?

[MaroonMacaron]

NC for this.

First of all, I know that I can’t ban anyone from travelling but I am annoyed and wondering if I have the right to be.

Our cleaner stopped coming at the beginning of lockdown. We continued to pay her weekly, I know some clients paid a proportion, some nothing at all. She was very grateful, said it was a huge help as she was skint.

As soon as lockdown lifted, she got on the plane to visit family in her home country (on the list with no need to quarantine).

All this time we’ve been super careful, not seen any grandparents, very little travel locally, let alone abroad (dh’s family is from Sweden and we’d love to visit but we are giving it more time). As I said, I know I can’t ban someone from travelling but then she’s clearly not that skint if she can afford plane tickets. I also think she has increased the risk to herself, and everyone she works for, by travelling at this time. I guess it doesn’t sit right with me that the money i was thinking was helping her through lockdown was actually funding her travelling.

YABU - she can spend her money any way she likes
YANBU - I would be annoyed as well

It’s possible that the money for the flights came from an inheritance, a winning scratch card, or if they were through air miles (hers or gifted to her), or maybe she knows or works for someone in the industry who was able to get her the tickets for nothing or a nominal cost.

I take it the OP would be quite happy with her husband’s boss going through their shopppng trolley each week and deciding whether OP and husband were “allowed” to have the things? Does the OP run it by the boss and ask permission every time she buys an item of clothing or furniture, or has her hair done?

None of your business how she spends her money. Sorry. YABU

C bloody F. Get over yourself. Glad I don't work for you.

“ She was very grateful, said it was a huge help as she was skint.”.

I understand where you are coming from. You paid because she was broke. You paid to support her for everyday living, not to go on holiday.ie a luxury.

OP had gone quiet , I'm wondering if she's either frantically trying to get her post removed, or buying a tighter chain for her "lady that does"

You paid to support her for everyday living, not to go on holiday.ie a luxury.

Going to see family after a 4 month lockdown may not be a holiday FFS

What's the going rate of paying someone to not see their family? Just so I know for future reference.

Yep. You’re winning unreasonable fucker of the day today!

Yabu, it was kind that you continued to pay her during lockdown, although I think from other posts on here cleaners were allowed to clean domestic houses for at least a significant portion of lockdown period??
Anyway you paid for time she didnt work which is great.
But she must be really desperate to see her family by now and you have no idea how the tickets were funded, she could have saved up ( possibly using some of the money you gave her) or she could have been given them as a gift.
Tbh I can see why you may feel a bit put out IF she used the money you gave her for plane tickets after saying she was skint but once youve given her the money its hers to spend as she chooses.

You meant well, but let it be a lesson OP. Pay what you have to legally, then pay what you think is fair (if you want to add to the minimum legal).

People can do whatever they please with money, or gift.

Yes, if she pleaded poverty and pretended she was skint but can jet off on holiday it's a bit much, but most people are like that anyway! Don't see it as a favour, see it as a retainer for when she is back at work for you.

I am going to repeat what most people have said but

• if you pay someone when you don't need to, it's a gift and you should only do that if you can reasonnably afford it. If you have then to be particularly careful etc... then don't

• Once you've given money to someone, it's their to use as they wish

• The money you gave her bears no relation to how careful she is with covid or whether its ok to travel to another country. The place she is going to might well have a much lower infection rate than the UK (most places do!). Your example with Sweden is probaly one of the few places that coud reasonnably be said to be not as safe by some people.

• You have no idea who paid for the flights. maybe her parents did.

• You also have no idea of bad things have been in her family back in her home country. There might be many reasons why she feels she HAS TO go and see her family. I know I am going in a week to see my parents despite having been very careful throughout the whole thing. Because 1- I believe there will another spike and 2- my dad is part of the 'at risk' category and I want to see him now in case he is catching it during the second wave and doesnt recover.

You paid to support her for everyday living, not to go on holiday.ie a luxury.

Visiting a family is a luxury😂😂😂 Oh my.

'You paid to support her for everyday living, not to go on holiday.ie a luxury.'

But this wasn't a holiday in the sense of going to Disneyland; it was visiting her family. It may well be that her parents need help from her from time to time. Even if it were a luxury, it's not the employer's business what she spends her money on. The employer pays in these circumstances to prevent people from being financially disadvantaged by the totally unexpected pandemic; and also in many cases as an 'insurance' that the employee will be able and willing to come back to them when lockdown is over (so the employer benefits too; it's not pure generosity). The employee is neither a child for the employer to discipline, nor a servant in the days of Downton Abbey; nor is the employer providing her with some sort of charitable or state benefit, of which she has to prove that she's 'deserving'.

Does that mean my employer can dictate what I do with my wages?

to be fair, that's not the issue. The OP thought she was doing something generous by helping out, and she just found out it was not needed for essentials. Lesson learnt, but it's not about "dictating what you do with your wages'' at all.

I don't qualify holidays as a luxury anyway!

@Mydogisthebestest adultwork, twitter, fansonly, admireme.. Just a few places for your mate.

YABU.

I could kind of understand your point of view more if your issue was with the fact that, having paid her in full while she was unable to clean, she now said she was going away the minute lockdown ended. I think it would not be unreasonable to hope that she would come back to work for a period of time before going away.

But the idea that you somehow get to dictate what she does with her money is completely bizarre.

Why are you bothered about how she spends her money?

I know I can’t ban someone from travelling but then she’s clearly not that skint if she can afford plane tickets.

What's this, the c-19 version of "can't be that poor if you have a flat screen TV"?

So she visited her own family, with her own money, in her own time whilst following all the guidelines? Where's the YABVVVVVU button...

accidentally voted YANBU, but actually I think you are being unreasonable, sorry. I am immunocompromised, and would not be angry if I found out our Polish cleaner had gone to Poland to see family when restrictions were lifted. If anything I would be quite happy for her. I was paying her during lockdown, and would hope she'd tell me if she was going away. We don't really have paid holiday arrangements, per se, but I try to treat her how I would like to be treated, so would happily pay her for that week. (I am waged with 26 days AL after all, also my logic was I was paid in lockdown for not working, so why shouldn't she be?)

Who the hell do you think you are trying to dictate what people can spend their money on?

Plus she was skint back in March. I was looking at my balance and thinking oh fuck, but with everywhere closed down there's only so much food and household crap you can buy.

Many have saved money as a result of lockdown.

And if I hadn't seen someone I loved for months, I would be moving my ass as quickly as I could. Would sleep in the back garden, the balcony, roof, bench anywhere just to see them.

Also, I guess when you are poor, you still cling to the idea that you can go see your Mum and Dad when this horrible pandemic lessens, and that keeps you going through lockdown. I think she can be struggling and still choose to spend her money on flights.

You’re totally batshit.

Not at all surprised to reach the end of this thread some 3 hours after it was posted and find OP has vanished