AIBU to not invite the teetotal vegan?

[CyanSnake]

I know the title sounds horrible; but I’m not sure how else to phrase it? Also sorry for basically giving my life story but I don’t want to dripfeed.

Every so often I host dinner parties and games evenings for my groups of friends. We normally also use these to raise a bit of money for local charities. Call it twee if you want, but I normally have some sort of theme, for example at new year I threw one that was Italian - with homemade pasta etc.

There is a small group of 6-8 whom I invite although most often not, not all attend due to work and other commitments. Most of these friends have no dietary requirements apart from one who is a teetotal vegan. Now, this normally isn’t an issue as soft drink is always an option and I normally make a vegan version of dishes that I need to. Last time I hosted; just before lockdown, I challenged myself and cooked everything vegan. We also made the night alcohol free and made virgin cocktails etc...

Now; to get to the point. I’ve been dabbling in old recipes from the form of cury, which is a medieval cookbook - it’s been sort of my lockdown hobby. And, I’d like to host (appropriately socially distanced and in the garden!) a sort of medieval banquet themed dinner. The problem is veganism didn’t really exist then; and frankly I know it’s harsh but I just can’t be bothered to create vegan versions of each course. This is compounded by the fact that this friend is a bit flaky and sometimes backs out at the last minute citing “headache” or a “cold”. I know I could just invite her and explain that there might not be a lot of food she can eat, but if I do I’ll feel utterly compelled to either faff about trying to make stuff vegan or ill feel guilty all night and it’ll be ruined anyway...

So; would you invite her and try to adapt; or not invite her and cite the guidelines on number of people you can have in the garden?

YABU - Invite the vegan friend
YANBU - Don’t invite the vegan friend.

I feel awful just asking!

I would invite but just make her aware of what you're making. Maybe she can make and bring her own dish.

I understand your conundrum! I also have difficult friends. I think fine to just have 6 total and say you’re sticking to guidelines.

I wouldn’t invite but maybe I’d would let them know why. Maybe give them the option to bring their own food but.....On the whole it doesn’t sound like they’ll have much fun and you’ll just be stressed thinking they’re not having a good time

I would invite her and say you are putting on a medieval banquet so unfortunately not much will be vegan but if she wants to bring her own food to eat whilst there and enjoy the evening together then you wouldn’t be offended? That way she can still join in but will probably say no (but at least she can’t say she wasn’t invited)

I would invite too but just tell her what theme it is as you don’t want her to be “offended” by medieval style food

I would invite her, tell her the theme and suggest she might want to bring an alternative. Otherwise can she not have salad and a soft drink?

What’s the teetotal bit got to do with it?

You’re over thinking, if she’s properly a mate, make sure there are a few soft drinks, make a couple of vegan options even if they aren’t “on theme”, and stop feeling guilty about not pandering to someone else’s life choices?

If she’s a friend and a reasonable human being she wouldn’t want you to feel guilty or make a vegan version of every dish?

I suspect you are making a proverbial rod for your own back and actually leaving her out would be far more mean than sticking a Premade vegan lasagne and some garlic bread in...

Invite her but either offer to cook her something not a ballache or ask her to bring her own. I'm somewhere between veggie and vegan and would be gutted if someone didnt invite me somewhere because of that, but wouldn't expect a vegan version of everything.

Just invite her and tell her to bring her own food. It would be a bit unkind not to invite her because of her preferences, but equally doesn't mean that you should always base the meal around her.

Well, maybe you could invite but say it's too much hassle to make totally vegan food so can they bring their own. In fact most vegan friends I have always say they will just bring their own..they know it's a faff. I'd also not be pandering to their choices by going from a normal night were you'd have drinks to a teetotal night.. pfff!

Won’t she be horrified by the roast swan on the table anyway?

As PPs have said - explain the food theme and suggest she provides her own meal.
I don't eat spice and would happily take my own food to let others enjoy a curry themed evening, for example.

Invite her like @Samster45 says. Do you actually like this friend? Surely you would like to see her?
The teetotal bit doesn't matter btw, only the vegan bit as you can't make two menus. I don't drink much alcohol any more but I certainly wouldn't expect everyone else to go teetotal for an evening to humour me

Just invite her but tell her on this occasion you are doing something that you cannot make vegan and non alcoholic so can she bring her own food or you will do her a salad ( or something else simple and vegan)

Gosh I had to read your post twice to figure out quite what the issue would be here ....

Please invite her, you could easily prepare a vegan dish that perhaps falls out of line with your theme and explain historically this wouldn't have existed but it's your best interpretation? I'm sure they'd be delighted with your efforts and thoughts!

My sister in law and my brother are vegan/veggie and very relaxed when invited anywhere, I'd never consider not inviting them on this basis!

Sounds like you've got a great day planned I'd offer out the invite regardless and just explain I'm sure it's less of an issue than you think?

I agree with those saying invite her but explain that there won't be loads of vegan food.

Can't you just say you are making a medieval meaty banquet and let her decide? If she wants a vegan option she can bring it herself surely? I'm vegetarian and I dont expect to be pandered to.

Nothing wrong with being teetotal, not sure why that's an issue.

Or, if you think she will frown disaprovingly at everyone maybe don't invite her

The poor didn't eat much meat or dairy products back then. Hunk of bread and an onion soup?

What are you making?

I'm not familiar with banquet food, but would it include any type of food she could eat, veggies, breads, or other? Maybe you could create, or buy-in some lovely salad dishes for her with artisan breads, and explain that you're not including alternative vegan banquet dishes? It would be a shame to exclude her and upsetting for her.

Invite her, but explain the premise and ask her if she'd mind bringing something for her to eat. Could you make a vegan pudding for everyone? Obviously you can provide soft drinks.

Of course you can do what you like but it’s a bit weird that your only 2 options are apparently “do a vegan version of Sawse Madame” or “leave her out entirely”. Why not invite but stick a vegan ready meal in the oven for her? Or, as Pp have said, as her to bring something?

Google vegan medieval recipes. Something like pottage stew is dead easy for one person. You could serve it with veg. So many vegan medieval dessert recipes - just go Turkish / Middle Eastern.