AIBU to not invite the teetotal vegan?

[CyanSnake]

I know the title sounds horrible; but I’m not sure how else to phrase it? Also sorry for basically giving my life story but I don’t want to dripfeed.

Every so often I host dinner parties and games evenings for my groups of friends. We normally also use these to raise a bit of money for local charities. Call it twee if you want, but I normally have some sort of theme, for example at new year I threw one that was Italian - with homemade pasta etc.

There is a small group of 6-8 whom I invite although most often not, not all attend due to work and other commitments. Most of these friends have no dietary requirements apart from one who is a teetotal vegan. Now, this normally isn’t an issue as soft drink is always an option and I normally make a vegan version of dishes that I need to. Last time I hosted; just before lockdown, I challenged myself and cooked everything vegan. We also made the night alcohol free and made virgin cocktails etc...

Now; to get to the point. I’ve been dabbling in old recipes from the form of cury, which is a medieval cookbook - it’s been sort of my lockdown hobby. And, I’d like to host (appropriately socially distanced and in the garden!) a sort of medieval banquet themed dinner. The problem is veganism didn’t really exist then; and frankly I know it’s harsh but I just can’t be bothered to create vegan versions of each course. This is compounded by the fact that this friend is a bit flaky and sometimes backs out at the last minute citing “headache” or a “cold”. I know I could just invite her and explain that there might not be a lot of food she can eat, but if I do I’ll feel utterly compelled to either faff about trying to make stuff vegan or ill feel guilty all night and it’ll be ruined anyway...

So; would you invite her and try to adapt; or not invite her and cite the guidelines on number of people you can have in the garden?

YABU - Invite the vegan friend
YANBU - Don’t invite the vegan friend.

I feel awful just asking!

If you want her there, invite her and tell her to bring her own meal, if you don't want her there don't

I'm a tee total veggie, I'm always very grateful when friends are willing to cook something I'll eat, but I'd rather bring my own and enjoy the company than not be invited cos it's a faff to feed me.

Turnip soup, a lump of bread and some violife? Sounds pretty medieval to me!

It does come across a bit like you're looking for a reason to not invite this person.

The OP has already said she doesn't want to do any vegan dishes.

Agh don't tell her to bring her own meal. Offer a ready meal and dessert.

Yep, what apollo said.

Turnips are good - anyone recall the Blackadder episode from the middle ages called Turnip ( rather masculine ) . But seriously invite her , tell her the theme and provide potatos , carrots , turnip - that sort of stuff along with meat . Waitrose do a vegetarian haggis .

I’m vegan and I’d hate to be excluded from something purely because of my dietary requirements. I think you should explain to her what the theme is and that there may not be many options for her, as a vegan, I’m fully aware my dietary requirements can be awkward and I’m sure she probably knows this too.
I’d invite her and explain the situation and she can make her own decision.

I'm vegetarian.

I'd not feel remotely offended if you asked me to bring my own food, but I'd be a bit upset if I was excluded from a gathering that I'm usually part of.

I know I could just invite her and explain that there might not be a lot of food she can eat, but if I do I’ll feel utterly compelled to either faff about trying to make stuff vegan or ill feel guilty all night and it’ll be ruined anyway

Not inviting someone just because of your own neuroticism is pretty harsh. I'm vegan and if someone didn't invite me just because they'd feel "compelled to either faff about trying to make stuff vegan or ill feel guilty all night", I'd be pretty pissed off. Just invite me and tell me the food is all meaty and I'll happily bring my own food. Wouldn't be any bother in the slightest.

I'd invite her, but tell her what the theme is and that there wont be much suitable food for her, or get her a vegan ready meal and some salad .
I wouldn't not do alcohol again, just get some soft drinks in as well as the alcohol , dont over think it.

I'd till invite her, tell her the theme and get her to bring a dish. Maybe she could do the pottage stew or do an authentic medieval style loaf.

Because I'm a) a bugger and b) a re-enactor,
www.medievalcookery.com/recipes/indexveg.html

There may well be a couple of vegan recipes you can use on here?

Is invite her, tell her it’s a Henry VIII type wine swilling turkey drumstick type invite and you understand if she can’t make it. Don’t offer an alternative, you are already up there on the super host list!

Is she actually a good friend? Someone you love and value?

If so I'd warn her the theme doesn't really translate to vegan, but she's free to bring something herself or just eat bread and cabbage/turnips.

I don't tend to go all out to make a separate vegan option, I just make the meal and warn them of what has animal products. My vegan friend comes for a roast, eats my veg but brings her own quorn abomination. I go to the effort as far as not cooking the potatoes in goose fat but I don't cook an actual vegan dish.

Invite her and ask her what may be good to make and can she help?

Sounds very dull and precious tbh, a vegan who doesn't drink.

I’d invite her and just buy a ready made vegan option on this occasion.

On that note OP I've got the Game of Thrones cook book and it's got done good fun recipes!

I've also got Entertaining with The Sopranos which is fab, but no way would that work for vegan recipes, it's all about the cheese in every second layer of every dish.

That sounds so fun!

I don't understand you though. The hurt and ramifications of not inviting her should bother you more than your self-inflicted 'guilt' for not making a medieval vegan spread.

"Hi Jane. The theme for this dinner party is going to be medieval banquet. Just giving you the heads up that it's not very vegan friendly. There'll be salads/soup and bread but not a lot else so please feel free to bring whatever you'd enjoy. I won't be offended!"

The teetotal thing is a bit mad. Surely even a medieval style table can include water??

Invite her. Don't decide for her whether she would want to come or not.

I'm very limited in what I eat now (veggie no eggs by choice & low carb for medical necessity). I'm happy to have random things if they're being made for others or to bring my own, but I hate being left out because others think I won't want to go if they're doing a bbq or hog roast or whatever.

I'm not tee total now though, though I was for 3 years after being incredibly ill with GF. Again some people deciding I wouldn't want to attend certain events...they were soon put straight by mutual friends.

However, right now, a banquet is not your best move. People should not be accessing communal food using, communal utensils.

I know you said you didn't want the faff of making vegan stuff and I don't blame you, especially with the flakiness... but this looks pretty straightforward and you could prepare it in advance?

Also, can I be your friend? I love the sound of these gatherings.

www.brandnewvegan.com/recipes/medieval-pottage-stew

I'd just say it's a medieval feast and that veganism hadn't been invented, and that she's welcome to come for a medieval soup/salad - but that might be it. But the theme of the evening is what it is and I wouldn't be catering specially for her - even putting a readymeal in the oven is a nuisance if you're juggling lots of other dishes.
It's a great idea. Have you decided what you're going to make? I've made the sambocade from Forme of Cury but you've missed the elderflowers, unless you cheat with elderflower cordial. It's okay - I found it a bit bland but people seemed to like it. I think there's a rose petal pudding that might be nice, though.

@randomer

Sounds very dull and precious tbh, a vegan who doesn't drink.

Why? What does what she eats & drinks have to do with how much fun she is?

Grow up.