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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not invite the teetotal vegan?

529 replies

CyanSnake · 21/07/2020 15:20

I know the title sounds horrible; but I’m not sure how else to phrase it? Also sorry for basically giving my life story but I don’t want to dripfeed.

Every so often I host dinner parties and games evenings for my groups of friends. We normally also use these to raise a bit of money for local charities. Call it twee if you want, but I normally have some sort of theme, for example at new year I threw one that was Italian - with homemade pasta etc.

There is a small group of 6-8 whom I invite although most often not, not all attend due to work and other commitments. Most of these friends have no dietary requirements apart from one who is a teetotal vegan. Now, this normally isn’t an issue as soft drink is always an option and I normally make a vegan version of dishes that I need to. Last time I hosted; just before lockdown, I challenged myself and cooked everything vegan. We also made the night alcohol free and made virgin cocktails etc...

Now; to get to the point. I’ve been dabbling in old recipes from the form of cury, which is a medieval cookbook - it’s been sort of my lockdown hobby. And, I’d like to host (appropriately socially distanced and in the garden!) a sort of medieval banquet themed dinner. The problem is veganism didn’t really exist then; and frankly I know it’s harsh but I just can’t be bothered to create vegan versions of each course. This is compounded by the fact that this friend is a bit flaky and sometimes backs out at the last minute citing “headache” or a “cold”. I know I could just invite her and explain that there might not be a lot of food she can eat, but if I do I’ll feel utterly compelled to either faff about trying to make stuff vegan or ill feel guilty all night and it’ll be ruined anyway...

So; would you invite her and try to adapt; or not invite her and cite the guidelines on number of people you can have in the garden?

YABU - Invite the vegan friend
YANBU - Don’t invite the vegan friend.

I feel awful just asking!

OP posts:
Iloveyoutothefridgeandback · 25/07/2020 00:45

When I was in my early 20s I found it quite irritating to go on a night out or host a party with someone who didn't drink alcohol. At the time I told myself it was because they were boring. In reality it was because it made me feel very uncomfortable as it was a painful reminder that other people didn't feel dependent on alcohol to enjoy themselves. Took me years to admit that to myself.

SallyB392 · 25/07/2020 06:27

I would contact your friend and explain your difficulties, I would invite, but pop into a supermarket or takeaway, and purchase a vegan meal, I'd also make a point of freezing portions of food when you DO cook for her f or future use.

CupcakesAndCastles · 25/07/2020 07:13

Just buy a ready meal that way if she does back out no isssue

Msmcc1212 · 25/07/2020 07:16

I agree - be honest. Don’t exclude. Say that you really want to do medieval, you’d love them to be there but you don’t have the energy to create vegan dishes and would she mind bringing her own.

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