To not use toddler reins?

[FourPlasticRings]

I went out for a walk with my DM and DD (just turned 2) at the weekend. The walk was mainly footpaths and country park paths, but started off with walking through our housing estate on pavements alongside roads (30mph). DM was very concerned that I didn't have DD on toddler reins in case she bolted in front of a car. DD and I always walk with DD on the inside of the pavement away from the road and I keep pace with her so I'm always alongside her, standing between her and the road. I watch her constantly. We hold hands to cross roads and if the pavement is particularly narrow. She's generally well behaved and there were no incidents on the outing, but DM is still nagging me about putting DD in reins. I'm not convinced they're necessary.

AIBU to let her walk alongside me without reins when we're alongside roads?

I am a nanny and don't use reins, I find them restrictive and difficult to use. Having said that, I judge child by child and if I have one who is a runner then they go in the buggy until we are away from roads. You know your child.

I have a recently turned two year old son who wears the wee back pack reins. I just don’t think at that age they’re reliable enough to behave the same way all the time.

Sometimes my son walks beside me but most of the time he is a bolter.

We took a walk to our local country park last week where there are steepish drops down to the river and I just wouldn’t take the chance.

You know your own child but I don’t think your mum is being unreasonable

Pffff, if it works for you then who cares what she says! There is no way I'd take DS for a walk outside without reins, as he absolutely cannot be relied on to walk nicely next to me/ not walk into the canal or similar. He's young for his age (22 months) though and has only been walking since April. You know your daughter best!

Also I wouldn’t let a just turned two year walk untethered next to a road - sorry I just saw the end of your post. Why take the chance of her being knocked down and killed because she bolted?

I don't see it as a problem. I only used them with one of my kids because she was a runner. Holding hands was plenty for the others. On the odd occasion I was concerned I'd pick them up or strap them in a stroller.

I never used reins with any of my three. They learned to walk close by, hold my hand when needed and to stop when called etc. Never had any issues with bolting.

I don't use reins but my 2 year old always either holds my hand or if he refuses to hold hands he goes in the buggy. I would not let him walk alone by a road as I think one lapse in my concentration & he could bolt in front of a car before I could stop him. So I don't think your mum is being unreasonable suggesting some kind of 'tethering'... but you know your child so if you're sure your method is safe then that's your choice.

I’ve never used reins for any of my 4, I don’t like them. I don’t judge people that use them though.

I had a bolter. Totally unreliable and reins saved us.

If you have a biddable hand-holder, fill your boots. No way would I just have them walk beside me though. Reins, hands, buggy or something at all times.

Depends on the kid - one of mine is a handholder - even now aged 7 she loves to hold my hand and will be attached to me given half the chance. The other - always has had the tendency to be off like a miniature Usain Bolt from the bowels of hell when the mood took her, hates holding hands with a passion - she used to wear backpack reins a lot.

I've babysat for different toddlers over the years and have taken them on walks and trips to various places. Some kids are will just run out randomly into the road while others will automatically stop at roads. This includes siblings in the same family.

Saying that I've babysat for a kid - now adult - who didn't use to run into the road but would try and hop on buses if the doors were open.

If your daughter suddenly bolted in front of a car you’re going to have some difficult questions to answer. Is it worth the risk.

As long as you have half a brain and know where to position yourself relative to child the reins are not needed.

Reins followed by a wrist cuff (until age nearly 4) for my bolter of a DD (shes nearly 12 now with perfect road sense). Nothing would stop her and there was no warning she would do it either. I'd rather her 'tethered' than dead. DS was a bit more biddable.

If you have a biddable toddler, good for you. I don't judge those that use reins.

Mine had reins, but I trained him to hold my hand whilst keeping hold of his reins. He was to big to carry and a push chair refuser! He was 98% reliable but on the odd occasion was an utter horror at escaping my hand and running like the hounds of hell were after him. Reins saved us on more than one occasion!

You know your own child and If your child is 100% reliable go for it. If not then reins are your friend!

Never even occurred to us to use them and I don't know anyone that did.

@Coldspringharbour believe it or not some children are just not bolters or if they bolt they don't bolt into the road.

I use reins on pavements because my incredibly stubborn 21m DD refuses to hold hands and loves to run around like a maniac. She has Dino backpack ones which she likes. We've used them a bit more recently as she loves running over to groups of people and COVID means that's less charming than before. We also live in a place with a large harbour, and there's no way I'd walk near the water without having something to keep her in check, she's completely fearless!

Having said that, you know your daughter - if she's capable of walking calmly next to you then trust your instinct.

I use them for DS2 because he will just randomly walk off. DS1 didn't need them. We walked everywhere.

Yabu. Use reins when you are near a road.
It also means your dc can have their hands free and not walk lopsided.

I never use reins with my 2yr old ds but I always hold his hand.

I used them for my ds, he was a runner, not bothered if he couldn't see me, still doesnt listen when told to do something. He was safer on reins.
Never felt the need with dd. She would hold my hand, walk nicely, likes to stay within eye view of me even now at nearly 4 and generally does as she is asked. She also went in the buggy more whilst ds walked.

I dont think its necessary for every child, I don't judge anyone who uses them or not.

It’s your child and up to you. I can see why your mum might be frightened though. I have 3 DC, the first two were amazing and walked nicely alongside me, didn’t run and were frightened to lose sight of me. My current 2yr old son HA HA HA he waves, runs, and doesn’t look back! It would be downright dangerous to not have him on reins outside of the buggy.

There is a MNetter whose child bolted into the road and I believed tragically that they died.

It isn't a chance I ever took with mine, just because a child hasn't bolted doesn't mean they won't ever bolt. Mine had to hold the pram or my hand if we were walking where there were cars.

I have seen a 4 year bolt a road near the primary school, it was fucking terrifying.

WIth everything in life, you balance whatever you think the 'cons' might be against the 'pros'.
For me, a 2 yr old walking by a road - the consequence of a second's distraction / inattention by you could be fatal. That was never a risk I wanted to take for what gain ? I can't think of a reason not to pop them in reins, but if there is one, how does it balance against the risk of that child being killed, even where that risk is tiny ?
Just seems like such a no brainer to me.