To not use toddler reins?

[FourPlasticRings]

I went out for a walk with my DM and DD (just turned 2) at the weekend. The walk was mainly footpaths and country park paths, but started off with walking through our housing estate on pavements alongside roads (30mph). DM was very concerned that I didn't have DD on toddler reins in case she bolted in front of a car. DD and I always walk with DD on the inside of the pavement away from the road and I keep pace with her so I'm always alongside her, standing between her and the road. I watch her constantly. We hold hands to cross roads and if the pavement is particularly narrow. She's generally well behaved and there were no incidents on the outing, but DM is still nagging me about putting DD in reins. I'm not convinced they're necessary.

AIBU to let her walk alongside me without reins when we're alongside roads?

Always used them with mine

I use reins on the road. Why wouldn't you? There's a Mumsnetter on here whose husband didn't use them and tragically lost a child who got run over. I can't remember her username or I'd link her to this thread.
It's just not worth the risk. It only takes once

I was always a good walker (so my mum said) until the day I bolted across the road. I can still remember the screech of brakes. Its one of my earliest memories.
I think many parents (I'm not saying you do) see their child walking nicely alongside them as badge of personal parenting pride 'oh little Johnny doesn't need reins because he walks so nicely alongside me'. Dare I say an element of smugness?
It only takes ONE deviation from usual behaviour to end up with catastrophic consequences. Thank goodness my near miss happened in the 70's. There were far less in car distractions.

My DS turned one early July and I use reins. I just feel more comfortable obviously because he's a lot younger too but in open fields etc we just tuck the handle in his backpack reins

I use reins but my child hates holding hands and likes to run off. He actually likes the reins as it means he gets more freedom.

All children are different so do what you think works best for yours.

If you are lucky enough not to have a bolter then by all means. My son was a runner (he still loves running) and he had to wear reins as he would literally jump out infront of cars. Just don’t judge those who have to.

I had reins for mine, they'd bolt in different directions if I hadn't. My grandson had a backpack with reins and one day we were all crossing the road when he tried to step out in front of a car. The reins were great because it meant I could feel him start to go and grab him. If he'd not had reins he would have walked into the path of the car.

Both mine had reins.
Ds was pretty good. He liked to hold the handle on the buggy. Cant remember why he had reins??
Probably for "what if" moments.
Dd was in reins (happily) until about 5.
She has weak legs and some days cant walk the length of my car without falling over 3 times.
Reins saved her knees and face meeting the tarmac quite a lot!
If you need them, use them.
If you dont, that's ok too

Ooh, so it's an even split with the voting but more one-sided below the comment line.

Thanks for the responses. I guess I've been comfortable with it because the roads are so quiet and I'm always more vigilant when I hear a car about anyway. And stories about four year olds bolting- I've known seven year olds to bolt and end up under car wheels but you can't keep them on a lead forever. I think I'll enforce hand holding beside roads for now, in preparation for buggy holding later on. We do have another baby due later this year and I may at that point need to revisit reins as we'll have a pushchair again. At the moment, I always have both hands free and only one kid so I'm very confident in my ability to keep her off the road. We did have them when she was much smaller but it felt a bit unnecessary tbh (and it kind of felt like walking a dog). So something to think about for the future.

Thanks again, all!

Children are unpredictable. They only don't do something until they do. Unfortunately you won't know when that is. I'm pretty sure that every parent who's child got knocked down, or run over by a car had really sound reasons for not using reins/putting in buggy etc too.

It's your child so you have to risk assess, but your mum isn't being unreasonable.

Children are unpredictable. They only don't do something until they do. Unfortunately you won't know when that is. I'm pretty sure that every parent who's child got knocked down, or run over by a car had really sound reasons for not using reins/putting in buggy etc too.

It's your child so you have to risk assess, but your mum isn't being unreasonable.

I used reins for mine, but then eldest was the same age as James Bulger. My friend’s child was a sweetie, and she didn’t use reins, he tripped over whilst she was holding his hand crossing a road and ended up with a broken elbow because of her grip.
Do what suits you, I like reins.

At least hold her hand

Please don't use the 'like walking a dog' terminology OP. It may put people off using reins and stroke up the ridicule that people face when they use reins.
Also ask yourself why do we put dogs on leads? To keep them and others safe. If a dog is worth keeping safe then so is a child.

My little one insists on walking the dog with me so I put the leader on the dog and reigns on her.
If any one of them was to dart it would 100% be her.
Theres no way she could come with me without that as she refuses to hold my hand.
I get some funny looks and people smirking etc but it is how we manage.

It’s very uncomfortable for them to walk with their arm up constantly to hold your hand. Why would you risk it? Those backpack type or traditional reigns are fine. Just seems a silly risk to take. Children are easily distracted - it only takes a split second.

I had a sprinter. Reins were a must.

Running after a bolting child when you are 9 months pregnant is challenging IME.

I think you would know if your child needed reins. I’m not against them. I didn’t need to use them but I used my pram quite a lot.

I actually remember buying reins and attempted to put my child reins on the way he alarmed I took them straight off I think it was more danger with them on he was so distressed (must of wondered what I was doing). Poor child.

It's entirely up to you as this is your child so it's down to you to assess what level of risk you are comfortable with.

The MNer being referred to is MrsPresley. She had two year old twins. Her husband took them out one day and either forgot their reins or didn't think he needed them. He was distracted by their daughter and in those few moments the little boy pulled free and ran into the road where he was sadly hit by a car and killed. Absolutely devastating It destroyed their marriage, how could it not? And he himself died younger than he should have, a broken man. MrsP is a huge advocate of using reins and used to post in threads like this with a stark reminder of why they are so important, I haven't seen her in so long but I hope she knows how many MN toddlers have been put on reins thanks to her.

Even the most biddable handholder can suddenly take it into their head to bolt. Even the most vigilant and attentive parent can be momentarily distracted. All it takes is a split-second and reins are the safety net for if/when that split-second comes.

MrsPresley has definitely saved lives by sharing her story. DD is 9 and I remember her on a thread when she was just a toddler.

I used a wrist strap and held hands. Reins if needed above that. I hate seeing young children walking next to roads with nothing (reins or hand holding)

I think.y
Yabu. A just turned 2 yr old has no impulse control whatsoever. She might see something pretty/cute dog or whatever and before you know it has stepped into the road..

Yes MrsPresley always used to post a thread at Christmas in memory of her boy. They made me cry. It was a long time ago now, I believe, but the consequnces never stop.

I have twins 2y5m and they don't go past the front gate without reins. Just like I don't let them run with spoons in their mouths, pet strange dogs or have trampoline competitions on the bed. It's fine till it's not.

My DD1 was the most cautious law abiding child. She had an amazing amount of natural common sense. One day aged 3, she suddenly let go of the twins' buggy (rule was she had to have a hand on it) and ran. Thank god to the steps of a church and not the street.

My sister, similar age, very gentle and unadventurous, one day pulled suddenly away from my hand and bolted. Straight in front of an SUV. I still remember the screech of brakes and the utter hot n cold sick feeling.

Unless you have your child's arm in a grip of iron, it takes a split second wriggle and dodge, and they're off.

My children always had reins on 20 years ago .I will definitely use them again when my granddaughter is toddling. It takes only a split second for a young child to walk /stumble into a road ...every day I slow down when I see a young child walking on a footpath or on a flipping scooter. Children/ toddlers do not have the mental capacity to understand danger ..don’t take the risk!