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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not use toddler reins?

159 replies

FourPlasticRings · 20/07/2020 20:32

I went out for a walk with my DM and DD (just turned 2) at the weekend. The walk was mainly footpaths and country park paths, but started off with walking through our housing estate on pavements alongside roads (30mph). DM was very concerned that I didn't have DD on toddler reins in case she bolted in front of a car. DD and I always walk with DD on the inside of the pavement away from the road and I keep pace with her so I'm always alongside her, standing between her and the road. I watch her constantly. We hold hands to cross roads and if the pavement is particularly narrow. She's generally well behaved and there were no incidents on the outing, but DM is still nagging me about putting DD in reins. I'm not convinced they're necessary.

AIBU to let her walk alongside me without reins when we're alongside roads?

OP posts:
JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 21/07/2020 00:04

Oh, and the thing about 7yos possibly bolting is a red herring. Most NT 7yos know not to run across a road. Most 2yos do not. So you wait till they show you they have that knowledge.

Owwlie · 21/07/2020 00:04

FourPlasticRings

Reins are definitely worth considering when you’re heavily pregnant and then have a pushchair as well after. DDs 3 and never really needed reins, I used them mostly when we went for a walk near a pool by us, as I didn’t trust her around the water. But then when I was heavily pregnant they were really useful if she was playing up at any point, and I felt a bit safer as I knew she could move more quickly than me at that point. They’ve also come in useful with going for walks with the pushchair, just a bit of added security so that if she did run off (even though she never really has) I wouldn’t have to chase her with the pushchair.

I have always insisted on hand holding though. And on days she refused to hold hands she had to wear the reins. Weirdly she really likes wearing them though.

BrummyMum1 · 21/07/2020 00:10

Reins are child specific. I had a runner and needed them for safety reasons. Not all children need them and you know best.

supersonicginandtonic · 21/07/2020 00:11

I was of the opinion that do what's best for you until you compared it to walking a dog. Do feck off with your perfect child because I can guarantee your second will be totally different. 🙄

Minai · 21/07/2020 00:14

I feel nervous thinking of a just turned 2 year old walking next to a busy road without reins, but that is probably because my ds1 was a complete bolter. It is only in the last 3 months (since just before he was 3) he could reliably be trusted not to run in the road. Even now I am 99% sure he won’t but that 1% makes me hold his hand when we are near a busy road. If you can 100% trust your child to not have a moment of madness and run in the road then go for it but I can see why your mum is nervous.

7dayslater · 21/07/2020 00:20

I don't use reigns. We tried them out when DS was around 16 months, but we didn't get on with them.

He's 26 months now, we hold hands most of the time unless in a particularly quiet area. We live semi-rurally though - I may feel differently in a city.

locked2020 · 21/07/2020 00:32

I tried reins with dc2 but couldn't get on with them. I was over strict about kids having to walk next to me or hold hands and they're fine.

locked2020 · 21/07/2020 00:34

Also depends on whether child is a bolter or not. You said she's not so I'm sure it's fine.

winetime89 · 21/07/2020 00:48

I remember using backpack reins for a little while but I didn't really like them. Don't think I've ever really known anyone use any reins tbh. I'd just hold her hands near the busy roads. Both mine were travelling round on balance bikes by 2.5 and I don't remember ever having any issues next to the roads.

MulticolourMophead · 21/07/2020 01:10

Use backpack reins if you need to, but you can't assume a child is not a bolter just because they've never done it before.

Mine always wore reins. And I've seen plenty of little kids slip their hands out of a parent's hand and run when something caught their interest. I'm just grateful that none of the children I saw doing that came to any harm.

Sailingblue · 21/07/2020 06:47

It depends on the child. I never needed reins with no.1. I suspect no.2 will be a different beast all together as she is v willfull and likes doing the opposite of what we say.

What I would say though is don’t get complacent. At just 2 my daughter was very ‘good’. Between 21/2 and 31/2 she could be much more unpredictable. 90% of the time she was an angel, 9% stroppy but 1% unpredictable. 2 occasions stick out.

  1. I was heavily pregnant with spd and she legged it from the car park at nursery down a woodland path. I had to leave my car unlocked, doors open etc to try and get her but she had gone pretty far as she was quick and I was not. Every other time for months she’d been sensible and good in the car park.

  2. we’d been at softplay and I’d just started feeding her baby sister when she legged it under the barriers to our leisure centre and by the time I got her she’d reached the car park. She’d never done anything like that before or since.

Tinamou · 21/07/2020 06:53

I didn't use reins. I think it's fine just to hold hands near busy roads.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 21/07/2020 07:06

YANBU. Depends on the child and on the parent/family. DC1 was a hand-holder, I only had him (and obv our surroundings) to pay attention to, and I was confident I was fast enough and strong enough to grab him back if needed.

DC2 is marginally less reliable as a hand-holder, and I’m still fast enough and strong enough, but my attention is now somewhat split with two children so sometimes she has backpack reins.

NerrSnerr · 21/07/2020 07:51

Both mine have been hand holders but I would use them if needed.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/07/2020 07:52

I've never used reins, never needed to.

Magicbabywaves · 21/07/2020 07:59

This is one of those things that people get really hung up about, the ‘like a dog’ comparisons. I’m in child 3 and I’ve just ordered a wrist strap as they will not hold my hand and the backpack reins sort of pull them over. I would never assume a 2 year old wouldn’t bolt as they don’t have the reasoning and impulse control of adults. Fine to let them walk free in a woodland path, not by a road. It’s just not worth the split second that they may dart in to the road.

TinySleepThief · 21/07/2020 07:59

Even ignoring all the safety aspects I think reins are much kinder to a child than forcing them to hold your hand.

I always think it looks so uncomfortable for a 2 year old to walk with their hand at that angle when they could instead wear backpack reins and not have to walk lopsided.

Magicbabywaves · 21/07/2020 08:01

Also, it’s a different ball game when you’re heavily pregnant, pushing a pushchair or keeping eyes on other children.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 21/07/2020 08:02

We have used reins on and off with all the DC but the rule is that you musthold hands by a road once in a country park, wood, playground then that's fine but non negotiable by a road.
I would say to consider 2 things
that as you get towards the end of your pregnancy your reactions may be slower and again if you have a newborn which doesnt sleep
You dont know what your dds reaction to her sibling will be. I'm not saying it will turn her into a belter but she may react differently or find a different way for attention

CrimeCantCrackItself · 21/07/2020 08:03

I think they're an insurance policy. I always had reins AND held my DS hand. When we were away from busy roads I just held the reins. Loads of kids are "reliable near roads" until they aren't.

I also have a friend who dislocated her toddlers arm when the child fell and she pulled her back, straight out at the elbow, so that really put me off just hand holding when my DS was toddling. We "only" hold hands now he's nearly 4 but I'd use them in a busy situation again without a second thought.

Ginfordinner · 21/07/2020 08:16

We used reins for DD as soon as she could walk:

  1. We lived rurally, and all the roads were country lanes with no pavements
  2. We could hoik her up without dislocating her arm when she stumbled on the unmade up lane outside our house. We saved many a grazed knee this way
  3. We are both tall, and could walk comfortably instead of bending down to hold her hand
  4. We didn't want to hurt her by holding her hand so tightly if she wanted to dart away
  5. Walking with one arm up in the air, even if somone is holding your hand is not very comfortable

If not using reins works for you, then well done on having a very biddable child.

I don't understand comments from people who dislike reins. What exactly is there to dislike about them?
And as for the comments about dogs - those posters can go and do one Hmm

M8rsPresley's story is below, in case anyone still needs convincing that reins are a life saver:

^My DS was hit by a car and died because his dad didn't put his reins on him (or his twin sister), he was in a hurry and thought for a short journey it wouldn't matter. Well we all found out, in the worst way possible that it does matter, it only takes a minute to put them on, and it took less than a minute for my DS to end up under a car, while ExDH was distracted by DD. Please please always use reins, no matter how short your journey, if you are near a road then put them on. Believe me when I say you really don't want the life I have had for the past 28 years, I wouldn't wish that on anyone! Even though I had another 3 children, there is a huge emptiness that will never be filled. And thank you to the posters who have remembered me, hopefully on the next "reins" thread there will be some more parents who will remember me and please keep telling people how important reins can be. Oh and if anyone says it's like putting them on a lead like a dog, well, would you let your dog run about the streets without a lead.^

Bouledeneige · 21/07/2020 08:17

I never used reins - but I always had a good grip on my kids. If you can hold reins you can hold a hand can't you? I could never really work out how to use them.

But then I never did dummy's, stair gates, socket covers or door locks. I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour.

Whatthebloodyell · 21/07/2020 08:20

So odd, I really hardly ever see anyone using reins. It just doesn’t seem to be a thing around here.

Mycatscollar · 21/07/2020 08:22

I think most of us are familiar with MrsPrseleys story, it is very sad Flowers

But reins should still be used on a basis that is necessary. The OP is confident her child won’t run out and she is probably correct. Some children do and some don’t. If you have one that does, it is common sense to use them. If not, they aren’t needed.

tattiehat · 21/07/2020 08:25

You know your own child and if she is anything like my DD was at that age then I knew she was never a child that would bolt into the road, she was fairly well behaved and listened (wish she was still that age!!)

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