To not use toddler reins?

[FourPlasticRings]

I went out for a walk with my DM and DD (just turned 2) at the weekend. The walk was mainly footpaths and country park paths, but started off with walking through our housing estate on pavements alongside roads (30mph). DM was very concerned that I didn't have DD on toddler reins in case she bolted in front of a car. DD and I always walk with DD on the inside of the pavement away from the road and I keep pace with her so I'm always alongside her, standing between her and the road. I watch her constantly. We hold hands to cross roads and if the pavement is particularly narrow. She's generally well behaved and there were no incidents on the outing, but DM is still nagging me about putting DD in reins. I'm not convinced they're necessary.

AIBU to let her walk alongside me without reins when we're alongside roads?

I have a 2 & 3 year old. Used them previously with dc1 and currently with dc2 when near roads. My dc really love pretending dc2 is a dog when he wears them though so we’re mostly using the buggy at the moment! He’s constantly trying to crawl, sniff everything and woof at everyone that walks past

I read something on the last thread like this.
My child was never a bolter until they bolted.
You just never know. Pls hold your two year olds hand!

YABU - all kids are well behaved - until they aren’t. My father list a cousin that way. A very placid, well behaved child, Until he saw something somewhere, escaped my grandmother’s hand - straight into a car. My dad is 73 now, it all happened more than 70 years ago. he still remembers the sound his cousins body made when it hit the car and then the road.

I used them for one of my kids who refused to hold my hand. If you're by roads I think they need to be in a buggy or on reins unless you know they will keep hold of your hand. I wouldn't have them just walking alongside me with nothing.

If my DS isn't in reins, then I'm holding his wrist (not even his hand) in a grip of iron. It all depends on whether you want to relax or enjoy your walk at all. I don't enjoy any walk where we can even see a road unless DS is in reins or in his buggy.

Having said that, he's getting better because I've drummed the same routine into him a hundred thousand times since he starting walking...'Look it's a road. We need to stop. Hold Mummy's hand. Look carefully both ways. Check there's no cars. And then finally we cross the road.

But I still wouldn't risk it without him attached to something/holding something.

I’ve never used reins or a buggy near a road, for three children. I know people who used buggys but no one who used reins. I see buggy’s out but can’t remember the last time I saw anyone use reins

Maybe it’s a regional thing, but I’ve lived near several big primaries and never see Reins used

I would hold hands at that age.

Maybe it’s a regional thing

I would say it isn't regional but depends on the type of location. When DD was a toddler we lived on a winding country lane with no pavements. Relying on hand holding simply was not an option.

I would also say, in our case, it was a "height of the parents" thing

*I was told this. I tested toddler DD once. Let her go in a big park. She walked about 2km. Didn't look back once. I was hiding behind trees. I stopped her before the road.

At 9 she's a great traveller, rock climber, fearless and tough. Some people have slow-approach leg-clingers. Not me. Takes all sorts.*

Haha. I have done this a few times with my toddler. Hiding behind bushes and trees. I once hid while he had his back turned, pottering about in a park and I watched him for a solid ten minutes from a bush and he never once looked around for me! I'm always rather offended!

I wouldn’t trust my 2 year old, and she’s really fast. We have a sneaky backpack which she loves, we say “backpack, check!” Just like Andy from CBeebies. I wouldn’t risk it with my child, as I know what she’s like. I have to say I hardly ever see any toddlers wearing traditional reins though, I see lots of people with the backpacks though

I don't even bother with reins for my toddler I've tried them a few times now and he just point blank refuses to move and sits on his bum. If I'm going along a road I will usually carry him though because at that age they can be really unpredictable. My 2 year old had always been really good around the road, holding my hand and waiting until one day I let him push the button himself and he didn't wait literally bolted into the road and a car (which wasn't even going fast) had to slam their breaks on to avoid hitting him. I was nearly sick from the scare

UpsyDaaaisy we used reins on DD as soon as she could walk, so she always associated them with going out of the house to somewhere interesting.

DD was a little madam at wriggling her hand out of mine, and I probably would have ended up breaking a bone because I would have had to squeeze it so tight.

@Birdsong20

My child, not a belter, dashed into the road at 4! I was totally shocked and luckily it wasn't a busy road. The reason she gave was that there were people on the pavement and as a car was parked on the road next to them, rather than say 'excuse me ' she thought the sensible option was to go into the road around the car. This is after doing lots of road awareness and bring s very sensible child. The point is, you just never know!

So you are saying you would put reins on a 4 year old who didn't dash in to the road at ages 2 and 3?

Haha. I have done this a few times with my toddler. Hiding behind bushes and trees. I once hid while he had his back turned, pottering about in a park and I watched him for a solid ten minutes from a bush and he never once looked around for me! I'm always rather offended!

I just used to nod safely and say "she's very securely attached" while weeping internally. LOVE ME GODDAMMIT!!!

Most of the children I've treated in A&e resus after being run over had previously been reliable. All it takes is a few seconds.

Holding hands is fine if, as you say, you can give full attention but I don't understand why reins are so hated by some. Less restrictive than being strapped in a buggy and they benefit from walking. I'm quite risk tolerant for many things but not at all for kids and traffic. A very thin line between fine and dead/damaged.

I said yanbu to not use reins.

I would hold hands however. The risk is too high imo, regardless of how your child generally behaves.

The thing is, walking along with your arm in the air, holding on to an adult's hand, is FAR more restrictive than being able to toddle along happily picking up sticks or leaves or whatever and having both hands free, which a little one with reins can do. at people that can't see that.

Reins or strapped in buggy for my three. I am so surprised that reins are so frowned upon. Hand holding can be very precarious holding such tiny hands . It’s hard to hold them firmly,

I used reins for all mine. It is very uncomfortable for little children to walk for long with one arm in the air. Try it.
They loved being able to have both hands free while toddling along. Also if they tripped I could prevent them from falling hard without risking dislocating their elbow, a common injury in small children due to falling while holding an adult's hand.
Children begin to develop independent road sense at about 7 years old, so we need to keep them as safe as we can until then.
Finally, a friend of my mum's ran over and killed a 3 year old when the child ran out between parked cars. She was completely exonerated by the police and the judge. But that was no comfort at all to her or the child's parents.

DD was around 18 months and I was pregnant with DS, Took her to the post office with me, Used reins.

The local busybody told me ''I don't believe in those, It's like having a dog on a lead''

I was not having a good day and replied ''Well I don't believe in children under busses now mind your own fucking business''

I just wouldn't walk a toddler anywhere near roads or rivers without using reins.

@MovinOnUp i had a similar reaction once. not proud if it, but it did shut the nosey b up (“i prefer mine in reigns over coffins“)

I don't understand why you wouldn't. Young children are unpredictable and the placid walk alongside toddler can easily in a few months become a bolter so it is best to get reins established as soon as they are walking on pavements outside the house.

Brilliant answer Newaynewname1

My children have never used reigns, I teach them to hold my hand. Job done.

None of them ended up under a bus, and 2 of them are SEN. If you want to use reins though then fair enough, I just never saw the need.