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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not use toddler reins?

159 replies

FourPlasticRings · 20/07/2020 20:32

I went out for a walk with my DM and DD (just turned 2) at the weekend. The walk was mainly footpaths and country park paths, but started off with walking through our housing estate on pavements alongside roads (30mph). DM was very concerned that I didn't have DD on toddler reins in case she bolted in front of a car. DD and I always walk with DD on the inside of the pavement away from the road and I keep pace with her so I'm always alongside her, standing between her and the road. I watch her constantly. We hold hands to cross roads and if the pavement is particularly narrow. She's generally well behaved and there were no incidents on the outing, but DM is still nagging me about putting DD in reins. I'm not convinced they're necessary.

AIBU to let her walk alongside me without reins when we're alongside roads?

OP posts:
CrimeCantCrackItself · 21/07/2020 08:26

But then I never did dummy's, stair gates, socket covers or door locks. I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour.

I did an actual snort laugh at this. Accidents are called accidents for a reason.

KittyFantastico · 21/07/2020 08:50

No one with UK plug sockets should use socket covers as they make the sockets more dangerous, not less.

mummmy2017 · 21/07/2020 08:58

I never ever used reins.
My child held my hand if we were out on a road . While shopping, they either stayed by my side or sat in the trolly inside a supermarket.
Maybe this was because we saw a child snatched once, but it did make me extra careful to always have contact with my child when out.
I am shocked at parents who let their child use a shop as a playground, but I don't say anything.

EatsShootsAndRuns · 21/07/2020 08:59

Reins are for safety. I used them for my toddler daughter to prevent her potentially running into the road or into danger. Children can move like lightning if they get a chance and human reaction is to chase which then becomes a game until it isn't a game anymore.

KittyFantastico · 21/07/2020 09:04

You can still hold hands while wearing reins, it's not an either/or situation. My youngest still uses them. They're backpack ones with a loop on the parent end of the strap. The loop goes over my wrist and I hold DD's hand, if she pulls free or she wants to walk without holding hands because she's tired of her arm being in the air then the loop is right there as a back up. She has bolted before, she pulled-twisted her hand out of mine and tried to run back the way we came. She did not manage it because I had the loop.

sunrainwind · 21/07/2020 09:05

Of course YANBU, some people feel they need them and some don't. I never felt I needed them so I didn't - I was happy with the things I was doing to keep my child safe. I get why others feel safer using them and that's their choice and you can decide for yours.

sar302 · 21/07/2020 09:09

We don't have reigns (DS2.5) but we do have a "holding hands near cars or water" rule. So if we're running in the woods, he can crack on, but if we're walking down the road, or along a canal path, he holds our hands.

A 2 yr old can be very well behaved, but they don't understand road safety, and categorically can't be trusted to make judgements that adults, or even children 5 years older than them can make.

If you're about to have a second child, your attention is going to be split. I don't think reins are a necessity, but I don't think they can be trusted to walk by themselves near traffic.

Ginfordinner · 21/07/2020 09:09

@Bouledeneige

I never used reins - but I always had a good grip on my kids. If you can hold reins you can hold a hand can't you? I could never really work out how to use them.

But then I never did dummy's, stair gates, socket covers or door locks. I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour.

I think you win the prize for the smuggest mum post on this thread Hmm

You have clearly never had a child who has tried to wriggle their hand free. Believe me I would have really hurt DD's hand to keep hold of her when she was determined to wriggle free. You aren't a perfect parent. You probably had a perfect child.

RedRumTheHorse · 21/07/2020 09:11

@CrimeCantCrackItself

But then I never did dummy's, stair gates, socket covers or door locks. I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour.

I did an actual snort laugh at this. Accidents are called accidents for a reason.

Loads of parents don't use dummies as some children don't take to them.

I don't have stair gates as mine were recalled so we used a playpen.

If you place your dangerous items in high up cupboards you don't need cupboards locks. If you shut doors you don't need door locks if your child can't reach the handle.

I don't use socket covers.

ToffeePennie · 21/07/2020 09:14

You know your child best. If she’s likely to bolt, use the reins, if she’s not likely don’t.
I have two boys; my oldest would never run away, would hold our hands and wouldn’t dream of trying to get any further than at my side.
My second (who is now 2) will run anywhere, throws himself in front of cars (there’s no pavements where we live) and constantly bolts into the road. So he wears little life backpack reins whenever he is outside or he is forced into the pram (which he hates) because he cannot he trusted. Until he is old enough to understand that cars=death I will keep him on the reins.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/07/2020 09:22

I didn't use reins with either of mine. If they didn't hold hands/the buggy when they were asked to then it was back in the buggy. My daughter was awful for lying on the pavement screaming but some things were non negotiable.

I think my problem with reins is that you're not teaching your child to stay by you, they are just restrained to. I know the dog analogy is horrible, but if would be like always having your dog on a lead but never teaching it to walk to heel.

Ginfordinner · 21/07/2020 09:27

@TheSmallAssassin

I didn't use reins with either of mine. If they didn't hold hands/the buggy when they were asked to then it was back in the buggy. My daughter was awful for lying on the pavement screaming but some things were non negotiable.

I think my problem with reins is that you're not teaching your child to stay by you, they are just restrained to. I know the dog analogy is horrible, but if would be like always having your dog on a lead but never teaching it to walk to heel.

Sorry, but that's utter bollocks. DD learned to stay beside me in spite of using reins.

I can only assume the anti rein hand holders are vertically challenged or had unusually tall toddlers.

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2020 09:33

@TheSmallAssassin

I didn't use reins with either of mine. If they didn't hold hands/the buggy when they were asked to then it was back in the buggy. My daughter was awful for lying on the pavement screaming but some things were non negotiable.

I think my problem with reins is that you're not teaching your child to stay by you, they are just restrained to. I know the dog analogy is horrible, but if would be like always having your dog on a lead but never teaching it to walk to heel.

What nonsense! The same could be said of hand holding!

Reins are more comfortable for the child as they dont have to stretch their arms up for lengths of time. Also you van loop reins over your arm and hold hands sometimes. Belt and braces.

Btw, children have no road sense till approximately 7 years of age.

CrimeCantCrackItself · 21/07/2020 09:34

redrumthehorse I was quoting another poster. What other people choose to do or not do as a risk assement is up to them and a personal choice. Socket covers are dangerous. Stair gates can be climbed over etc. It depends on the child and the house etc.

It was more the " I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour" that made me laugh. Like that's all it takes to avoid an accident.

Billben · 21/07/2020 09:38

Neither of mine were bolters. We just held hands or they slowly wandered next to me.

TinySleepThief · 21/07/2020 09:38

I think my problem with reins is that you're not teaching your child to stay by you, they are just restrained to. I know the dog analogy is horrible, but if would be like always having your dog on a lead but never teaching it to walk to heel.

Do people honestly believe that those who use reins dont teach road safety to their child, the 2 are not mutually exvlusive. Why wouldn't you use an extra level of protection alongside teaching your child to walk sensibly next to you.

I also never get the dog argument. People put their dogs on a lead even if well trained to walk to heel to protect them. No one thinks they are cruel for doing so infact people think its sensible to use a lead as its an extra way to help keep them safe, as no matter how well trained there is still always a risk no matter how tiny the dog may bolt. Surely the same applies to toddlers, yiu can use both reins and teach them road safety its just an extra layer of safety.

It always strikes me that some people who sneer at reins and compare them to leads are basically saying keeping a dog safe is more important than a child.

OwlinaTree · 21/07/2020 09:41

I never used reins - but I always had a good grip on my kids. If you can hold reins you can hold a hand can't you? I could never really work out how to use them.

But then I never did dummy's, stair gates, socket covers or door locks. I just taught my children to behave and avoid dangerous behaviour.

Well bully for you. Have a medal.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/07/2020 09:41

What nonsense! The same could be said of hand holding!

Well, not really, because I didn't have to hold my child's hand at all times, only when we were by a really busy road or crossing the road. So they also weren't "stretching their arms up for lengths of time".

Mycatscollar · 21/07/2020 09:42

Some dogs are trustworthy and don’t need a lead, some children are the same. I wouldn’t for a second judge anyone using reins but I also think shouting at parents who don’t because they don’t need to is crazy.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/07/2020 09:43

Sorry, but that's utter bollocks. DD learned to stay beside me in spite of using reins.

Why did you need to use reins then?

SierraOscar · 21/07/2020 09:46

It depends where I am. If we are walking along the canal I always have DD on reins because she is likely to jump in and try and make friends with the ducks.

Walking to and from unreserved we always hold hands. I always have some kind of hold on her.

TinySleepThief · 21/07/2020 09:47

Neither of mine were bolters. We just held hands or they slowly wandered next to me.

Surely everyone can say their child isn't a bolter until the one time they get distracted, see a friend across the street etc. It only takes 1 time of a previously compliant none bolting child to bolt for the very worst to happen.

CrimeCantCrackItself · 21/07/2020 09:48

Everything TinySleepThief said Grin

Ginfordinner · 21/07/2020 09:59

@TheSmallAssassin

Sorry, but that's utter bollocks. DD learned to stay beside me in spite of using reins.

Why did you need to use reins then?

As you don't seem to be able to think outside of the box I will repeat the reasons I posted upthread:
  1. We lived rurally, and all the roads were country lanes with no pavements
  2. We could hoik her up without dislocating her arm when she stumbled on the unmade up lane outside our house. We saved many a grazed knee this way
  3. We are both tall, and could walk comfortably instead of bending down to hold her hand
  4. We didn't want to hurt her by holding her hand so tightly if she wanted to dart away
  5. Walking with one arm up in the air, even if somone is holding your hand is not very comfortable

Although it wasn't an issue for us, many parents of children with ADHD or other non NT issues often have to use reins. Are you going to judge their parenting as well?

thismeansnothing · 21/07/2020 10:01

Never used them with DD1. But she was (and still is) a big stickler to rules. So always held my hand. Never a runner. If we told her to stay somewhere she did.

DD2 has only just started to walk. But I can tell with her attitude, personality and her need to explore and push boundaries already she is the one I'll need reigns for and baby proof the entire house.