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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of Will

178 replies

IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 20:21

How would you feel if one sibling was left everything in the Will whilst all other siblings were left nothing?

This has come up in my family where my parents will leave everything to one only. The reason they have given is we have houses whilst he does not. He has a good job and deposit but chooses not to buy.

It is my parents money to do as they choose of course and if they spent it all on themselves I would think nothing of it. I am not really upset about the money but just think it is a little odd that they are singleing out one sibling only to benefit. AIBU

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 20/07/2020 20:26

@IseeIsee

How would you feel if one sibling was left everything in the Will whilst all other siblings were left nothing?

This has come up in my family where my parents will leave everything to one only. The reason they have given is we have houses whilst he does not. He has a good job and deposit but chooses not to buy.

It is my parents money to do as they choose of course and if they spent it all on themselves I would think nothing of it. I am not really upset about the money but just think it is a little odd that they are singleing out one sibling only to benefit. AIBU

You’re right - it’s your parents money to do with as they please. Besides if you all bought houses years ago then he would need more money to get on the property ladder at the same terms compared to the rest of you.
trebletheclef · 20/07/2020 20:27

I personally think that, with the exception of very extreme examples, there is rarely any excuse not to divide everything equally between siblings. Parents must know the hurt that it causes.

Zenithbear · 20/07/2020 20:28

Is he their favourite? In our family my mum's favourite has the least of us all and completely struggled as an adult. I think real life came as a bit of a shock.
My mum has every intention of leaving them more but my dad won't hear of it and wants it to be shared equally.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 20/07/2020 20:29

I think I'd be very hurt if my parents did that and while, yes, it is their money I'd be stunned if they couldn't see how hurtful and essentially divisive it would be.

Soubriquet · 20/07/2020 20:29

I would be extremely hurt especially since you have said he’s choosing NOT to buy.

Would they leave you things if you sold your house and rent? Don’t do this obviously

user1487194234 · 20/07/2020 20:30

In Scotland all children can claim on moveable estate

shemadeit · 20/07/2020 20:30

Where do you live? In Scotland, as far as I’m aware, it’s not possible to leave your children out your will. They’re entitled to a share.

shemadeit · 20/07/2020 20:31

@user1487194234 SNAP Grin

Scarydinosaurs · 20/07/2020 20:31

In some countries this isn’t legal. I think we should do the same here.

YeahWhatevver · 20/07/2020 20:31

Ask them if you were to sell up and move into rented accommodation would that qualify you for inclusion in the will.

If the answer is still no, ask why.

TheCanyon · 20/07/2020 20:31

So he could buy a house but can't be arsed? Or do your parents know something you don't maybe?

I do think it's an awful thing to do generally unless one sibling really needs it and it's acknowledged by others.

And fwiw I don't want or expect anything from my dps, I hope they spend it all. I know my older db sees their house as our inheritance.

Original poster
IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 20:32

@GrumpyHoonMain we didn't buy years ago so I'm not sure why you think that. Also house prices haven't increased over a few years where we live. He isn't at any disadvantage in that regard. They can do as they please though as you say.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 20:33

My H has been left out of his dad will while his sisters and stepsisters will inherit. There’s no fall out, they are/were business partners which is his reasoning. Although that’s just a paper exercise, it doesn’t give him any more money....

He is hurt by it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2020 20:33

That’s obviously shit and very upsetting.

There are a handful of extreme exceptions that justify an uneven split and an adult child who could but hasn’t prioritised home ownership is certainly not one of them.

HogDogKetchup · 20/07/2020 20:33

I personally think that, with the exception of very extreme examples, there is rarely any excuse not to divide everything equally between siblings. Parents must know the hurt that it causes.

Absolutely agree. It’s a bit selfish to leave the hurt and arguments behind IMO. It divides families.

Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 20:34

shemadeit and user Is that really the case? I’m in Scotland.

saltycat · 20/07/2020 20:34

trebletheclef

I agree with you. It just is not fair to many children. I am sure those left out loved their parents just as much as the favoured child. Causes endless resentment, and is not worth it IMV.

I do realise that there can be exceptions but for good reason, like the profligate child who would spend the inheritance on drink or drugs, or may be ill etc. or the child who didn't give a damn and so on. Sometimes one unmarried child stays at home and looks after the parents and I think that is something to take into consideration too.

But Trusts can be set up for those unable or unwilling to deal with money themselves, or for those who are ill.

That kind of a division as OP mentioned never ends well. Kinda sad.

Mamette · 20/07/2020 20:34

And your sibling is fine to just take everything?

Surely this will destroy your relationship with the sibling?

sallievp · 20/07/2020 20:34

I would be very upset. My parents would never do this to my sister and I.
I know its their money but in my opinion it is cruel and unkind.

Porcupineinwaiting · 20/07/2020 20:35

It is their money but that doesn't make it any less of a shitty thing to do. Personally I'd be taking it as a very clear sign of where I stood in the family hierarchy and would act accordingly.

Scout2016 · 20/07/2020 20:35

I'd tell myself it's their money and I'm not owed anything but feel pissed off and hurt. I'd rather they left it to a donkey sanctuary but I know that's unreasonable.
If I were the sibling left everything I'd split it equally. Not because I'm a wonderful person but because the guilt and feeling I had profited from something unjust would eat away at me if I didn't, I'd want yo put things right.

ChicCroissant · 20/07/2020 20:36

Usually equal divisions to the children is the fairest way. Anything else risks causing a rift. It always feels like the successful siblings are being penalised.

finished31 · 20/07/2020 20:36

@sallievp

I would be very upset. My parents would never do this to my sister and I. I know its their money but in my opinion it is cruel and unkind.
I agree completely.

Are you the sibling that does the most OP?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/07/2020 20:37

Do they want to leave behind resentment and ill feeling? Because they will. I cannot fathom this kind of nonsense. Barring life-threatening addictions or something, I wouldn't do this.

MsTSwift · 20/07/2020 20:37

I work in this area and unless there are compelling reasons would always advise an equal division

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