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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of Will

178 replies

IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 20:21

How would you feel if one sibling was left everything in the Will whilst all other siblings were left nothing?

This has come up in my family where my parents will leave everything to one only. The reason they have given is we have houses whilst he does not. He has a good job and deposit but chooses not to buy.

It is my parents money to do as they choose of course and if they spent it all on themselves I would think nothing of it. I am not really upset about the money but just think it is a little odd that they are singleing out one sibling only to benefit. AIBU

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 20/07/2020 21:32

How on earth did the topic come up? Do they not see or care how hurtful they are to you? As I don't think it's just about money, it is an indication of thought and love no matter what people say.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/07/2020 21:34

I'm the poorest out of my siblings. I think my parents may leave more to me though I've asked them to do it equally.
If there was a lot of disparity I like to think I'd even it out.
Yanbu OP. Bad idea on their part.

cabbageking · 20/07/2020 21:38

FIL left everything to hubby. Excluded others.

CarrieMoonbeams · 20/07/2020 21:39

Ouch, that seems really unfair OP.

My cousins are in a similar position - my aunt has let it be known that she's leaving everything to her (feckless, workshy, gambling) only son because "he just needs help to find his way in life". He's 56 FFS!!

My female cousins are getting nothing. Well, they can claim 1/3 of her movable estate I know, but there's not much cash really, the house has all the value. It's caused an awful lot of bad feeling in their family.

Original poster
IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 21:39

@monkeyonthetable

"Seeing as it has come up, I'd be honest and say, 'It's your money so of course it's your choice but I feel so upset at the favouritism and have to let you know this. We all had the same start in life and he's chosen not to burden himself with a mortgage. Long term, we could all really benefit from some help, and I'm so hurt that you can't see this."

This is pretty much what I said. I was told I was selfish and ungrateful and I'd strip the shirt off their back if I could. I have a good job and house and what more do I want. My other siblings don't have a problem with it and why then should I. It is theirs to use as they see fit.

Tbf it is there's and maybe I did come across grabby. I was just trying to explain the hurt but perhaps explained it badly.

I intend to do absolutely nothing about this and shall never mention it again. I just wanted to know if my feeling are legitimate and it seems they are.

OP posts:
saltycat · 20/07/2020 21:39

IdblowJonSnow

If you are left more than your siblings, you probably know that you can all agree to a deed of variation whereby everyone gets an equal share. Just keep it in mind, and forget about if for now. You sound lovely to me.

Jux · 20/07/2020 21:40

I think it's really nasty of them. Very unkind. Flowers

diddl · 20/07/2020 21:41

Seems mean to me.

How old is he/your parents?

Husband & I are mid 50s.

Both his parents are still fit & healthy in their 80s.

I have one parent who is in a care home-there will only be whatever savings he is allowed to have at he time.

Looneytune253 · 20/07/2020 21:42

My dh has been left everything in his dm will and siblings nothing but they all have their own fortunes plus he takes very good care of her

Looneytune253 · 20/07/2020 21:42

My dh has been left everything in his dm will and siblings nothing but they all have their own fortunes plus he takes very good care of her

RedStreetMonument · 20/07/2020 21:43

@IseeIsee this happened in my family and I have seen how much hurt it caused at first hand, it's as if love is divided unequally. I really feel for you, it stings.

Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 21:43

cabbageking What did your H do in relation to his siblings?

RedStreetMonument · 20/07/2020 21:43

@IseeIsee this happened in my family and I have seen how much hurt it caused at first hand, it's as if love is divided unequally. I really feel for you, it stings.

pennysea · 20/07/2020 21:44

Is your brother their only son? It might be the traditional thinking of leaving everything to the first born son.

Are the other siblings married and him the only single one? I just ask as I know someone that sees her single son as someone who needs extra help. I wouldn't be surprised if she left everything to him.

Nicknacky · 20/07/2020 21:45

looneytunes253 And do you think that’s right?

saltycat · 20/07/2020 21:45

OP, this is very difficult.

You no doubt love your parents (or did!), but I would take a back seat now and ease contact. Not no contact, but back off a bit and as a pp said let Golden Balls do all the running now.

So sorry for you, it comes across that your parents love you less than your brother, that is very hard to take on board isn't it? It is awful in fact.

What is your relationship like with them day to day, you can tell me to shut up and not be so nosey, but I just wondered.

Looneytune253 · 20/07/2020 21:50

@Nicknacky actually in this case yes. One sibling is a millionaire and the other 2 are quite comfortably off but obv what it comes down to is my dh looks after her well (out of love not obligation) he's there every day and he'll make meals for her and pays her bills and phones her 3 times a day. He goes to all medical appts with her and she's lucky to get a phone call on her bday from the siblings.

Looneytune253 · 20/07/2020 21:50

@Nicknacky actually in this case yes. One sibling is a millionaire and the other 2 are quite comfortably off but obv what it comes down to is my dh looks after her well (out of love not obligation) he's there every day and he'll make meals for her and pays her bills and phones her 3 times a day. He goes to all medical appts with her and she's lucky to get a phone call on her bday from the siblings.

LillianBland · 20/07/2020 21:50

One of my siblings and I were left out of my parents will, due to the fact we weren’t prepared to put up with their abuse and walked away. The siblings that stayed, because they knew how much was at stake, (Lots and lots of land and money) got everything, but they’re all single, dysfunctional and hate each other, so I think I win.

Your situation is different and I think your parents are being extremely cruel and short sited. I assume they’re going to rely on him to look after them in old age. After all, fairs fair.

Looneytune253 · 20/07/2020 21:51

@Nicknacky actually in this case yes. One sibling is a millionaire and the other 2 are quite comfortably off but obv what it comes down to is my dh looks after her well (out of love not obligation) he's there every day and he'll make meals for her and pays her bills and phones her 3 times a day. He goes to all medical appts with her and she's lucky to get a phone call on her bday from the siblings.

RichPetunia · 20/07/2020 21:51

Estate should be divided equally unless one sibling shouldered more of the caring responsibilities.

monkeyonthetable · 20/07/2020 21:51

OP, I am so sorry they reacted to you that way. They are totally missing the point. So are posters who say, 'Theirs to do what they want with.' Yes of course it is but surely anyone with a grain of sensitivity can see how this seems like they prefer one child over the other. It's not grabby to want to be equally loved, equally appreciated, equally looked out for by your parents. Not grabby at all. It's totally reasonable.
They've only heard you say 'leave me more money' when what you are really saying is: 'love me and treat me equally.'

Original poster
IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 21:57

@monkeyonthetable

"They've only heard you say 'leave me more money' when what you are really saying is: 'love me and treat me equally.'

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

OP posts:
justasking111 · 20/07/2020 21:59

A friends father widowed and left money by his wealthy wife fell out with both his daughters because they snitched on him to DVLA he was going blind and his car was a mass of dents where he kept having prangs. He changed his will in a fit of pique leaving everything to his son. The son insisted on it being split three ways. That meant that there was no bad feeling.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 20/07/2020 22:04

They need to know this will damage the sibling relationships. If this is their aim, then walk away and have nothing to do with them as that is just plain horrible.
To die and not want your kids to reamain close is awful.