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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of Will

178 replies

IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 20:21

How would you feel if one sibling was left everything in the Will whilst all other siblings were left nothing?

This has come up in my family where my parents will leave everything to one only. The reason they have given is we have houses whilst he does not. He has a good job and deposit but chooses not to buy.

It is my parents money to do as they choose of course and if they spent it all on themselves I would think nothing of it. I am not really upset about the money but just think it is a little odd that they are singleing out one sibling only to benefit. AIBU

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 20/07/2020 22:08

I think that's a really stupid, unfair, unkind reason.

In some circumstances, I think it's reasonable to divide an inheritance unequally, but not for the reasons your parents are doing it.

Eddielzzard · 20/07/2020 22:09

I think it's a dreadful thing to do to your kids. I would be upset too.

converseandjeans · 20/07/2020 22:11

YANBU and I find it odd that they have told you that this is what they're doing.
I could understand if they gave him say £20-30k now to help with a deposit & then divided rest up equally.
I think it would make me step back a bit from them.
Always on MN people will tell you it's up to them. But it's hard not to feel hurt.

bridgetreilly · 20/07/2020 22:12

My DB will definitely take everything without hesitation. He has been told it is his and he is not buying because he doesn't need to.

This makes it even worse. It's not just about what he's chosen to do with his money, it's actually telling him to make less responsible choices than the rest of you. What if your parents need to sell their house and use their to pay for a care home? There won't be any left for your brother. They are being really stupid and irresponsible, and encouraging him to do the same.

Lollypop4 · 20/07/2020 22:12

My parents would never do this.
Its really unfair.
Yes, Its their money but they should'nt be just giving to one sibling (Unless extreme reason to do so)

LadyCatStark · 20/07/2020 22:18

This happened to my dad time and time again. His brother inherited everything from his mum, dad, grandparents and stepdad. My dad’s crime? He moved away from the village and got a (decent but not high flying) career while my uncle stayed in the village and did odd jobs. My uncle and his family now live in an enormous 5 bedroom house, but he no longer has a brother. He’s never offered to share a penny with my dad.

HelpIcantfindaname · 20/07/2020 22:19

Its hard to please everyone.
I'm doing my will tomorrow. I told my DC what it would say. One is very unhappy as its not equal. Youngest DC is over 20 yrs younger than siblings so she gets more if she's younger than 25 when I die.. they are all ok with that. DS has a disability. He is going to have a lifetime interest in my house. If he has to sell, or when he dies & house is sold, it will be split between remaining kids or grandkids. I wish I could say split the house 4 ways as I know that is fairest, but that would leave DS homeless. Other 2 DC have homes but eldest still thinks its unfair. Its caused a bit of angst over the last few days. I feel like I need to to stay alive forever so they don't fall out.

NeutrinoWrangler · 20/07/2020 22:21

I don't understand parents who favour one child to the exclusion of others, unless there has been a falling out or one or more of their children have explicitly said that they don't wish to inherit. Penalising a child because s/he has been successful (or simply careful) is certain to result in hurt feelings!

It makes me think of the old days when the eldest son would inherit the lion's share. So unfair.

bridgetreilly · 20/07/2020 22:22

@HelpIcantfindaname I think in those circumstances, what is 'fair' is not the same as what is 'equal' and it is perfectly reasonable both for your son and your youngest daughter to have a different share in your will from their sisters, especially with respect to the house. I'm sorry that not everyone is in agreement.

DAILYDOILEY · 20/07/2020 22:23

I honestly could not do what OP's parents are doing,it is so unfair.Our will states that everything is divided equally between our 4 children. One son was absent in our lives for ten years,but we are on good terms again now. He is included in the will same as the others.

RonnieBob · 20/07/2020 22:23

Just had this scenario in a will I was executor of.
Brother A got 10k. Brother B got 50k.

Reason was brother B “needed it more” - struggled with life. No job. No family. Drug and drink habit. Brother A had worked his arse off to get very decent job and build a family. No drugs. Comfortable life.

So to me it said fuck you to Brother A for all his hard work.

Irony is that Brother B is on benefits so that means that all but the permitted 16k savings will be lost as his benefits will be stopped until he has 16k left or less left. Or he’ll smoke it or sniff it away until there nothing. That money could’ve helped Brother A help his family get a good start. As it is it’ll be lost one way or another.

Ultimately though the hardworking brother got a slap in the face and very unfairly treated imo. He probably feels so hurt. It should’ve been equal between them.

nubeejinnings · 20/07/2020 22:26

Let the DB deal with funerals etc too. Walk away.

Coyoacan · 20/07/2020 22:31

They need to know this will damage the sibling relationships. If this is their aim, then walk away and have nothing to do with them as that is just plain horrible.
To die and not want your kids to reamain close is awful

This

Ontheboardwalk · 20/07/2020 22:32

Ok so I’m feeling conflicted. Not the same situation but is around leaving the will to one person

My mum has done will leaving everything to me on the understanding I will spilt everything fairly with my siblings. Not an issue

Reason for the will is mum wants to be cremated which is a simple request however one of my siblings would fight fight tooth and nail just to have a 'win' over me for EVERYTHING

The solicitor told my mum she had to legally do a letter explaining leaving it to just one person to avoid conflict later. Have your parents done this?

PicsInRed · 20/07/2020 22:34

@Thislittlelady

NC for this. Female I know was married and had three kids. Kids all grown up. They get divorced. They both remarry. She has another kid. Fast forward 20 years(ish). First hubby passes. Didn’t change will. Left pensions etc to ex wife. AND SHE TOOK IT! she took everything she could get her grubby little hands on. And she was also particularly underhand when her own parents passed. Some people are just inconceivable in their behaviour. Don’t ask me re the legalities etc I don’t know what happened. But she took it. Oh yes she did. Some people are just nasty, entitled, mean and angry. Sad sad.
Divorce voids a prior will, so he must have made a new one and intended her to inherit.
GinDrinker00 · 20/07/2020 22:34

Yes I’d respond by putting them both in a home.. but I’m quite cold hearted so don’t mind me. Grin

Original poster
IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 22:37

@GinDrinker00

"Yes I’d respond by putting them both in a home.. but I’m quite cold hearted so don’t mind me. grin"

Yes, Gin will do that to you 😁

OP posts:
Lovelydovey · 20/07/2020 22:40

Honestly, I’d be gutted if my parents estate wasn’t distributed equally. That said, both DH and I have said that we could envisage refusing our share and passing it on to less well off siblings - but we would both probably feel very differently if that decision was made for us.

MumW · 20/07/2020 22:43

I'd be tempted to point out that it's their money to gift as they see fit but it's also your prerogative not to give support should they become fraile in old age.

patientlywaitin · 20/07/2020 22:48

Something similar with my DH. He hasn't and won't say anything for reasons mentioned in this thread but I know it has hurt him especially as there has been no falling out at all.
We will leave our DC equal amounts.

willloman · 20/07/2020 22:48

Yeah tell them that there is never any certainty what the future will bring for anyone and that life is not fair - but parents should be.
You may all lose your jobs next year, or get sick, or have any kind of misfortune.
They should be even handed in what they do as it does reflect their relationship with all of you.

Shizzlestix · 20/07/2020 22:50

I’d be devastated, not because of the money, which I’m forever telling mum to spend, but because it would just prove what I’ve always believed about my brother being the golden child in her eyes. Given she may well end up in a care home, I’d never count on an inheritance, don’t need it, tbh.

What the OP”s parents have done is deliberately divisive.

jessstan2 · 20/07/2020 22:52

I think it is wrong that only one is going to inherit it all. Why can your parents not help your brother to buy a property now and, in their will, leave everything to be divided equally. What they plan is unfair and divisive (no pun intended). I honestly don't know what you can do about it though; as you say, it's their money. It just seems odd.

NeutrinoWrangler · 20/07/2020 22:52

I'd find it very difficult to not have something like this affect my relationship with them and the "favoured son", from this point on. I'd definitely feel that he should step up and be the first one to help them if/when the time comes that they need assistance in their old age.

However, somehow I doubt that he'll see it that way. Hmm No, the more settled, reliable offspring will surely be better placed to take care of their aging parents.

Holothane · 20/07/2020 22:55

I was left out my dads then stepmom, got nothing from birth mother so used to it.