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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Left out of Will

178 replies

IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 20:21

How would you feel if one sibling was left everything in the Will whilst all other siblings were left nothing?

This has come up in my family where my parents will leave everything to one only. The reason they have given is we have houses whilst he does not. He has a good job and deposit but chooses not to buy.

It is my parents money to do as they choose of course and if they spent it all on themselves I would think nothing of it. I am not really upset about the money but just think it is a little odd that they are singleing out one sibling only to benefit. AIBU

OP posts:
BurtsBeesKnees · 20/07/2020 20:56

I'd be very hurt regardless of their reasons

whereorwhere · 20/07/2020 20:56

I think that is completely out of order. You've all had the same opportunity in life and just because he has made some decisions in his doesn't mean he should get everything. That would cause a huge falling out in my family - it's not the money it's the principle

PicsInRed · 20/07/2020 20:56

I also would resume that the heir would provide all elder care.

mrshoho · 20/07/2020 20:57

My parents made their wills years ago and it was a straightforward equal split of everything to us siblings. They were filed away, forgotten about and never mentioned again. My dear Mum is now not so with it and quite forgetful and will often tell me that when her and Dad are gone everything will be left to just one sibling (not me!) as they are not married or have their own home. I just smile and nod. This sibling has a high powered job, travels the world and has never grown up! And was the golden child growing up! I have been caring for my parents and helping with hospital appointments, house maintenance etc while this one has done nothing - couldn't even read the electricity/gas meter as didn't have a clue where they were.

TryAnotherNickname · 20/07/2020 21:01

OP did they pay a large deposit for you and your other home owning sibling when you bought? In the absence of a compelling reason like one child being unable to work, I think it’s brutally unkind but at least you know now and aren’t having to deal with a discovery like this when also wracked by grief. The great shame is the deliberate buggering up of your relationship with your inheriting sibling too

Lancrelady80 · 20/07/2020 21:02

In this situation, where expectation of inheritance is directly causing the beneficiary to act in such a way as to ensure he will receive more, then it is absolutely not on. Parents should be clear that it is equal as he has the opportunity to buy but does not wish to.

However, for those saying it should always be equal...what if an elderly parent remarrying after 20 years of being alone somehow manages to rip a family apart to the extent that two very grown up siblings refuse to speak to their mother? Won't answer her calls. Have completely disowned her. Still this way even though the second husband has been dead 5 years. Won't speak to siblings who don't behave the same way. So much hurt has been caused by them.

If they disown her, why should they receive the same as siblings who found it uncomfortable but swallowed it as she was happy, and have been very actively involved in her life?

RedOasis · 20/07/2020 21:03

I’d be really hurt by this. In Scotland you can contest a will where something like this has happened..... does he live in their house and that’s why they have left it to him as it’s his home? I think it unfair to punish your achievements and ‘reward’ his inaction. Yeah, I’d be really unhappy with that. And I think it would leave a bad atmosphere areound the ‘chosen one’ particularly as we’ve always been told everything will be split equally. Of course it’s theirs and they can do what they like, absolutely. Doesn’t mean you don’t reserve the right to be affected by it.

eaglejulesk · 20/07/2020 21:04

There is justification to do that in some cases, but if your sibling has a good job and simply hasn't bought a house because he can't be bothered, then it is ridiculous for your parents to leave him all their money because he doesn't have a house. I'm all for people leaving their money to whoever they want, but not when one child is favoured over the others like this. Harsh though it may sound, when it comes to your parents needing help and care I would be leaving it to your brother! Have they actually written their Wills, or are they just stirring?

Pinkyyy · 20/07/2020 21:05

To be honest with you if they thought that little of me I'd tell them not to bother with me again.

saltycat · 20/07/2020 21:05

Your parents can make all the decisions they want, and all the justifications, that is their right, but it just does not sit right at all. And is very unfair really.

Are you telling us everything OP? Because if you are I am sorry now, but favouring one child is quite despicable IMV.

sst1234 · 20/07/2020 21:10

OP, it’s less likely to be because of him not owning a house, it’s favoritism. He is their favourite. Very poor way to treat their children, but that’s what the parents are doing.

Lamahaha · 20/07/2020 21:10

@Scarydinosaurs

In some countries this isn’t legal. I think we should do the same here.
Indeed. In Germany, you can't cut children entirely out of your will unless they have done something truly terrible. They are ALWAYS entitled to half of what they would otherwise inherit. Same with widows/widowers.
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/07/2020 21:10

As PPs have said, anything can change between now and when they die, or indeed after they die - he could win the lottery rollover three months after inheriting everything from them.

I don't see why his differing priorities as to how he chooses to spend his money are in any way relevant when deciding what he should inherit. If three of you can afford to buy something that you all want, but only two of you bother to buy it, what would possess anybody to think that they should give the money to the other to buy it when they already have the money to buy it - just haven't made the effort?

Generally, I don't see any reason for not splitting money between your children. If one of them has treated you (or others) horrifically, you might choose to leave them out; if one has a severe disability you might leave them more to be able to meet the extra needs and lower earning capacity that they will have, through no fault or choice of their own. Otherwise, it should be equally split.

jasjas1973 · 20/07/2020 21:11

Completely wrong and shouldn't be allowed

Why? in my wider family, this same thing happened, 3 kids, one left everything........ however, one child had denied the mother access to the grandchildren for many years, another lived abroad for decades,

The "golden child" helped his mum all throughout her life esp as she became infirm.
When the mum lay dying, the others found the will and tormented the mum into changing it but lawyers wouldn't due to lack of capacity.

Some children are utter cunts and deserve nothing.

HappyHammy · 20/07/2020 21:12

If they are fit and well this may not happen for years, there may not be any money left anyway, why would they even tell siblings this. Hold your head high, you dont need their money, if db is happy to take everything then let him, he knows it's unfair but stuff 'em.

pallisers · 20/07/2020 21:18

@MrsTerryPratchett

Do they want to leave behind resentment and ill feeling? Because they will. I cannot fathom this kind of nonsense. Barring life-threatening addictions or something, I wouldn't do this.
this.
yummumto3girls · 20/07/2020 21:19

I would be extremely hurt! This happened to my cousins, their mum left her house to the daughter and half of the money, the brother was left 1/4 of the remaining half which was distributed between him and his 3 children. It caused huge upset and the brother and sister have not talked to each other since. It’s not the money, it’s the thought that they they were less loved!! A very sad situation that was totally avoidable.

Wowcherarestalkingme · 20/07/2020 21:19

My brother is and always will be far richer than me (unless I win the lottery) due to different career paths. However if my parents left more money to me than him I wouldn’t take it and would insist on a 50:50 split.

Twillow · 20/07/2020 21:21

I would be SO hurt. My parents were explicit it was equal share, and even though my sibling earns a lot more than me I would NEVER have expected more because of it.

Thislittlelady · 20/07/2020 21:22

NC for this. Female I know was married and had three kids. Kids all grown up. They get divorced. They both remarry. She has another kid. Fast forward 20 years(ish). First hubby passes. Didn’t change will. Left pensions etc to ex wife. AND SHE TOOK IT! she took everything she could get her grubby little hands on. And she was also particularly underhand when her own parents passed. Some people are just inconceivable in their behaviour. Don’t ask me re the legalities etc I don’t know what happened. But she took it. Oh yes she did. Some people are just nasty, entitled, mean and angry. Sad sad.

monkeyonthetable · 20/07/2020 21:24

Seeing as it has come up, I'd be honest and say, 'It's your money so of course it's your choice but I feel so upset at the favouritism and have to let you know this. We all had the same start in life and he's chosen not to burden himself with a mortgage. Long term, we could all really benefit from some help, and I'm so hurt that you can't see this.'

Original poster
IseeIsee · 20/07/2020 21:25

OP did they pay a large deposit for you and your other home owning sibling when you bought?

They did give some of us 10k including the DB I am referring to as a gift. I am very grateful for this and that's why I feel bad for even thinking badly about this. They didn't give anything at all to other siblings.

They have always been odd. Helped some with college but not others etc. So this isn't really that unusual or I'm not too surprised.

OP posts:
FingersXssd83 · 20/07/2020 21:27

It should be split evenly. Otherwise your parents will leave a mess of resentment behind. I would be majorly pissed off with them for not treating you all fairly.

MondeoFan · 20/07/2020 21:31

I think it's hurtful. I think say out of 3 siblings and 1 had a house worth 1 million pound, one was renting private and the other was in a council house, I still think the money should be shared equally. No matter what the circumstances are.

Chloemol · 20/07/2020 21:31

I would be very upset especially as it’s your brothers choice not to buy

Tbh I would be saying how hurt you feel, and how you feel they are showing he is favourite and that it’s his choice not to buy. Even if he gets the money who is to say he will buy anything then?

I think I would want my parents to know how hurt I am