Grown men who can't drive

[madcatladyforever]

AIBU or what! Just had a row with my DS who is not talking to me because he can't drive at 40 years old. There is no good reason why not, he's done all the lessons just can't be bothered to take the test.
His wife ferries him about everywhere despite the fact she's in very poor health and shouldn't even be on the road in my opinion.
He wanted me to collect him for the weekend a 7 hour round trip and I said no, I have slipped discs and I'm on tramadol, I can't drive for 7 hours.
I don't see why we should be unpaid chauffeurs all the time and I'm not doing it any more.
Not being able to drive completely limits their lives, they can't live in a rural area which they want to do, he can only take a job there is public transport too and he can't drive to any big store out of town and pick up furniture or tools or whatever.
It is driving me mad and I said to his wife, stop ferrying him about, he needs to get his license. What happens if you have to go into hospital - who is going to drive you there and back.
Now he is furious with me for "interfering" but if your mother can't say it who can.
I get the test is scary but if we never did anything because we were nervous we'd never achieve anything in our lives.

Who the heck has clicked YABU?! There isn't an unreasonable thing in this. As his mum she can and should be telling him to grow up and stop acting like an entitled brat regardless of how old he is

@Angrywife

Who the heck has clicked YABU?! There isn't an unreasonable thing in this. As his mum she can and should be telling him to grow up and stop acting like an entitled brat regardless of how old he is

I did. If you object to someone not driving, don’t give them lifts and then stfu. Driving will be a completely redundant skill in a few decades.

Ok I need to know the answer to this.

Not driving is obviously a cultural thing. I literally don’t know an adult who can’t drive. Most people here book their driving test on or just after their 18th birthday.

But my question is...why is it so expensive to learn how to drive? Why do you need to pay for lessons, rather than just getting a family member to teach you?

Is it a legal requirement for getting a license in the UK?

What about grown women? I can't drive and don't want to, it scares the shit out of me.

No, but you are paying to keep a civil relationship with your parents/spouse/friends. Learning to drive is pretty stressful.

I don’t think it is a legal requirement, no. But not everyone will have a family member willing and able to teach you and in any case it’s not necessarily a good thing to be taught by a family member rather than a qualified instructor as they may have picked up bad habits themselves and will not have dual controls etc. .

@TheStoic I don't know anyone who can't either, I agree about the expense, I had a part time job during college and I spent every penny on lessons, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford a car for a while but I wanted the test over and done with so that in the future when I could afford a car I'd be able to get one straight away. I believe some schools in America do the theory as part of the circulum?

TheStoic

Instructors are actually trained to teach people. Yes, family can teach if they want but often they don't have the temperament to keep calm and not panic the learner.

Also yes, instructors have dual controls so if you make a bad mistake they can correct it

Is it a legal requirement for getting a license in the UK?

No, but driving tests in the UK are extremely hard - you have to pass a written exam where you basically have to memorise the Highway Code, then take a challenging practical exam where you have to demonstrate certain manoeuvres and you can fail for the tiniest little error like having your hands in the wrong position or missing a single mirror check. A family member probably wouldn’t have the skills to teach you. I have friends and relatives who learned to drive in the US or other countries before coming to the UK, passing a driving test in the US is a thousand times easier than it is here.

That seems to be a difference.

Here we do 90% of our learning with family (parents usually). We have a log book of hours we need to do in different conditions: rain, night, country, city etc. Not sure if that’s the same in the UK.

Just before the test, we would do a handful of paid lessons.

I know someone whose current boyfriend is a tall, muscular electrician in his 30's who works on big building projects but he can't drive and has no explanation for it either!

Noooo! I can understand short thin people not being able to drive, but tall muscular ones?!?!

"I know someone whose current boyfriend is a tall, muscular electrician in his 30's who works on big building projects but he can't drive and has no explanation for it either!"

I know the answer to this one; it's because he's a "tall, muscular electrician" he's supposed to be a manly macho manly man, but because he can't drive he loses points on his testosterone card and it's thus demoted to "unmasculine".

Maybe he’s muscular because he walks to places?

I've no issue with grown adults (men or women) who can't drive. It's a choice, just like anything else.

I've every issue with grown adults who can't drive and as a result expect other people to bend over backwards to accommodate them.

So in that vein, YANBU.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

I know someone whose current boyfriend is a tall, muscular electrician in his 30's who works on big building projects but he can't drive and has no explanation for it either!

Noooo! I can understand short thin people not being able to drive, but tall muscular ones?!?!

😂😂🤣

I'm making a bingo card of this thread. It is excellent.

Why do you need to pay for lessons, rather than just getting a family member to teach you?

You do not want to be on UK roads with a nervous, novice driver unless you have dual controls. Often, not even then.

Public transport is fine up to a point but you do have to be a lot more organised and allow more time for your journey.

That is a skill that carries through into other areas of your life though. Some of the most disorganised and tardy people I know are drivers. Fuck all sense of things being time dependent, generally late for things. When I use public transport I know I have to stick to a timetable. On the push bike the great thing is that I know what speed I'll be travelling at. Car times are so variable, it's intensely irritating.

I know electricians often seem to work in pairs, but isn't not being able to drive quite limiting in that profession? I wouldn't fancy carrying tools about on public transport, nothing to do with being a manly ol man.

How are you coping on public transport at the moment, when Boris said avoid going on public transport if you can?

@Alex50

How are you coping on public transport at the moment, when Boris said avoid going on public transport if you can?

I’m not really going anywhere outside walking distance at the moment anyway, because we’re still all WFH. It is a bit of a pain though. I look forward to getting back to the office and having a lovely quiet train commute.

@Alex50

How are you coping on public transport at the moment, when Boris said avoid going on public transport if you can?

The advice changed a few days ago. He said on Friday we're allowed on public transport now, as long as we wear a face covering.

I find it unattractive and it wouldn’t work for me dating someone who didn’t drive as I had to give up my licence for medical reasons. Unless they had a good reason and not cos they are drink drivers or a bum, then it would be a turn off, it’s not manly IMO.

@Alex50

How are you coping on public transport at the moment, when Boris said avoid going on public transport if you can?

I'm lucky enough (and very aware of it) that most of our needs (work,school, our friends, some shops,parks,vet, dentist ,GP etc) are within walking distance.