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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think most women keep hair long to be attractive to the opposite sex?

999 replies

Ilovegreentomatoes · 19/07/2020 22:33

It's always been said men prefer long hair it looks more feminine etc.
I know many women hate having their hair short and are devastated if their hairdresser cuts of more than an inch.What is the obsession with long hair? I have fine hair and cut it short because long hair looks crap on me but I'm definitely in the minority. Even women who look better with short hair because of their hair texture insist on keeping it long. Do you think that's because we are subconsciously taught mainly by men that long hair is more attractive. Plus all teen girls have that uniform ultra long hair there is no diversity. And no I'm not jealous because I have short hair!(well very short bob to be fair.)

OP posts:
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NameChange84 · 21/07/2020 09:41

I have never met a short haired woman and not been sure whether she was a woman or not.

I have. Quite a few times. Usually short back and sides or shaved/crew cut type hair, clothes that are quite unisex (jeans, grey hoodie, white top, trainers etc) or even associated more with men, no makeup. I’ve had that jarring moment when you think a man has got the wrong toilet or changing room by accident when the person is actually a woman. My former place of work had a straight, married, mother of two working for them for months before anyone realised she was a woman. She had a name like “Robin” or “Ashley”, very short hair, wore plain shirts and tailored trousers, brogues etc and a deep voice. It was only when someone mentioned they went to school with “her” and then a few weeks later she brought her husband and kids to a function that people realised she was a woman and not a young man. I’ve worked with a lot of teenage girls (sadly usually autistic girls who are being pressured by school/social services) who decide they want to transition from FtM. The first thing they usually do to start “living as a male” is get a very short haircut alongside dressing in more masculine clothes and 9/10 people will assume they are male. It’s genuinely not easy to always tell someone’s biological sex.

Yes, clothes, makeup or not, style of short hair, body type etc play a part but it really can be quite common to be confused about someone’s gender.

Original poster
Ilovegreentomatoes · 21/07/2020 09:44

There is a difference between saying the rachel haircut and the Karen haircut as the Karen haircut is used in a derogatory way to describe someone's hair as I'm sure your aware. Some of the nasty comments about short hair has shocked me some women are very insecure of their looks if they feel short hair makes you look like a man.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 21/07/2020 09:47

A friend of mine had short hair when she was about 16 and was at the mart with her DF wearing overalls when someone said "Who's thing young lad then?"
However, the person had only had a quick look at her. A closer look would have shown him she had feminine cheek bones and no Adam's apple. Being unaware of someone's sex for months like the example above must be extremely rare.
And obviously there's short like a man and there's feminine short styles like bobs, which are completely different.

Cactuslockdown · 21/07/2020 09:47

I have mad hair, it were short it would look like a Brillo pad stuck to my head!

Original poster
Ilovegreentomatoes · 21/07/2020 09:48

I feel far more feminine with my short bob than I do with my long fine limp hair.Everyones different.

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 21/07/2020 09:58

My former place of work had a straight, married, mother of two working for them for months before anyone realised she was a woman. She had a name like “Robin” or “Ashley”, very short hair, wore plain shirts and tailored trousers, brogues etc and a deep voice. It was only when someone mentioned they went to school with “her” and then a few weeks later she brought her husband and kids to a function that people realised she was a woman and not a young man.

Wasn’t she ever seen using the female toilet in all that time?

If a person with long hair came into a female toilet how many would automatically assume they were female?

NameChange84 · 21/07/2020 10:01

Wasn’t she ever seen using the female toilet in all that time?

I’m not sure as it was before my time working there but by the time I worked there we had “Staff Toilets” rather than gendered ones.

Original poster
Ilovegreentomatoes · 21/07/2020 10:03

@NameChange84 your story sounds a bit strange like someone said in all that time did no one see her go in the female toliet?

OP posts:
SerenDippitty · 21/07/2020 10:15

It would appear fine for boys and men to grow their hair long, that’s not effeminate (and I agree it isn’t) but girls and women who cut their hair short are mannish and unattractive?

MrsKoala · 21/07/2020 10:20

This “I would look like a man with short hair” is curious. I have never met a short haired woman and not been sure whether she was a woman or not. There is more to looking manly than your hair length.

I agree, and I have quite a soft rounded face. But I am a large frame and height, more athletic than a lot of men (Bigger hands etc). I have had some very unpleasant and unkind comments about looking like a man in drag and being an East German shot putter etc when I was younger (from men). Plus in the last 7 years I have developed a cluster of veins in a lump right where an Adam’s apple would be, so I think short hair would draw attention to that.

Do all the women with long hair not colour or highlight their hair? I have long hair too but have expensive and time consuming colour maintenance

I do have my long hair coloured but I am not factoring that into the comparison with short hair because even if I did have a short cut I’d still want a colour on it - because I don’t like my greys. Also if budget was an issue I’d easily go back to colouring at home. But based solely on cut frequency, my long hair gets cut 2-3 times a year. My friends with short cuts go every 6 weeks.

Biancadelrioisback · 21/07/2020 10:21

I haven't read the full thread, so sorry if this has been mentioned, but OP keeps saying things along the lines of "even if they look better with short hair" etc. Better by who's opinion?

eaglejulesk · 21/07/2020 10:29

I don’t think short hair really suits anyone

And I don't think long hair suits everyone. Women who have long hair seem to think it looks wonderful, but unless you have really healthy thick hair in many cases it looks bloody awful, and it really drags some women's faces down and makes them look years older than they are.

I rarely see long hair which is truly beautiful, but often see someone with a short cut which looks stunning.

MrsKoala · 21/07/2020 10:31

Also was thinking about the Charlize Theron discussion and I much prefer the picture of her with short hair. I was reminded of an interview I read with her a few years back and she was asked what she disliked most about her appearance and she answered her broad flat ‘Dutch’ face (then spoke about her mum and sisters similar face shapes I think and their heritage). I found it interesting because while I don’t look like CT (mores the pity), I have similar facial dimensions and when I put weight on it’s what I hate most about my appearance too (I have often been asked if I have Dutch heritage based on my height and build too). I’d love to be able to have the short cut she has and not feel self conscious.

Sorry for the derailment, just an aside to what CT has said of her lovely face and bone structure.

Original poster
Ilovegreentomatoes · 21/07/2020 10:33

I think long hair can age someone if its limp and in bad condition.

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 21/07/2020 10:35

Agreed. Short hair makes a lot of women look like man haters IMO.

Because women who don’t choose their hair based on the sexual proclivities of men must be man haters? Grow up. That sort of bollocks is regressive and homophobic - the old “short hair = butch lesbian = bad” trope.

Maybe have a think about why women who are not performing femininity for the male gaze might be more likely to have their hair short. It’s nothing to do with hating men, but about realising that women do not exist purely to decorate the world for men’s pleasure.

Kalifa · 21/07/2020 10:36

Most women have shit hair yet they grow it. Some of them have very thin hair and a couple of strands just hang around their face yet they insist on having it long. Yes, they keep it for male attention, but they say it’s for themselves. Pathetic.

BinkyBoinky · 21/07/2020 10:59

@Kalifa

Most women have shit hair yet they grow it. Some of them have very thin hair and a couple of strands just hang around their face yet they insist on having it long. Yes, they keep it for male attention, but they say it’s for themselves. Pathetic.
Well, aren't you charming. I bet your hair is shit too.
ChangeThePassword · 21/07/2020 10:59

Most women have shit hair yet they grow it

It's not tomatoes. It's not an active choice. My hair grows, I just don't cut it very often. Mainly because laziness.

Some of them have very thin hair and a couple of strands just hang around their face yet they insist on having it long

How does one 'insist' on hair being a certain length? Or is it maybe just a choice?

Yes, they keep it for male attention, but they say it’s for themselves. Pathetic

Ah, now it all makes sense. You basically hate women. Who is the pathetic one here?

I'm sorry if a woman hurt you in the past, but there's really no need to slag us all of because of it.

Flowers
SerenDippitty · 21/07/2020 11:11

Long hair can look absolutely gorgeous if it’s thick and in good condition. However if it needs a wash tying it back or putting it up won’t hide that!

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 21/07/2020 11:13

I think long hair can age someone if its limp and in bad condition.

What's wrong with looking your age or slightly older?

All this fuss about hair but the angst about looking your age/older just gets passed as normal and it's not reduced to just hair.

I find that more damaging ,mind boggling and patriarchal than the length of a woman's hair.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/07/2020 11:13

Most women have shit hair yet they grow it. Some of them have very thin hair and a couple of strands just hang around their face yet they insist on having it long. Yes, they keep it for male attention, but they say it’s for themselves. Pathetic.

Somebody has some unresolved issues Confused maybe try posting on a more appropriate board for advice to move forward and not be triggered by women with long hair anymore Flowers

diplodocusinermine · 21/07/2020 11:20

Well, this thread has made me feel like an ugly mannish hag, thanks Grin. I just honestly do not get the issue with women having their hair short - I didn't realise we were being judged for our unfeminine ways.

We seem to be going backwards in terms of gender identity - looking at footage from the 80s when girls appeared to be able to wear their hair how they pleased, boys too.

I have a small niece who has long hair who says she'll never get it cut because daddy says she looks like a princess with long hair Hmm. I'm guessing he thinks she'll look like a frog if heaven forfend, she decides she wants short hair.

For all of you who believe short hair doesn't suit you, but enjoy the ease of being able to tie long hair back, doesn't that, in effect, render your hair 'short' with respect to how it makes your face look?

Lexilooo · 21/07/2020 11:23

I have long hair because it is low maintenance.

I can't be arsed with blow drying and straighteners and tongs and hot brushes and rollers. I hate the hairdresser and would resent the time and cost involved in maintaining a short style.

Long hair is easy, wash, brush pop in a ponytail, plait or bun and go. No problems when the hairdressers were closed either.

Original poster
Ilovegreentomatoes · 21/07/2020 11:26

Like the women who say they tie their hair back everyday but would never have it short.

OP posts:
AmericanAdventure · 21/07/2020 11:31

Everyones different.

If only you had realised this earlier there would have been no need to post your OP 🤷🏼‍♀️