Neighbours ‘can’t hear baby’

[jellyneilly]

Not an AIBU but really need some advice!

We live on a new build estate with terraces and the soundproofing is amazing. Can only hear my neighbours when they’re in the garden/out front, or when their children scream and run up and down the stairs. Can hear tantrums are happening but not what’s being said iygwim. DH went to get a package off them the other day and they had a chit chat. The wife said she was concerned because she never hears our baby cry. Oh trust me she has a decent set of lungs on her as she’s growing 3 months ahead of her actual age (born weighing 10 pounds and is already in 6-9 month clothes at 3 months). She doesn’t get upset often but when she does it’s either colic or teething now which has already started. I’d say she cries a normal amount and we’re very responsive to her. We have a 5 year old so I feel we’re ‘seasoned’ parents. She’s also a very happy baby, smiles and giggles constantly when she’s awake and sleeps like a dream at night. She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me. The midwives at the hospital noted that I was very alert and independent when on the ward. The neighbour joked that we must ‘gag her’ or something. Well no, it just means we’re attentive parents I think! I don’t believe that they don’t hear her at all either as I can hear them talking with their friends at normal level in their garden with my windows shut so they will definitely her hear scream. Maybe they need their hearing tested?

My husband said she seemed genuinely concerned and now I’m worried she’ll report us to social services. Would they even come out for ‘baby doesn’t cry enough’? It just seems ridiculous to me. We have had the health visitor come round plenty so it’s obvious that our baby isn’t in any danger otherwise the HV would have seen. Its like you can’t please some people! I joked that next time DD’s having a screaming fit we should take her next door and let the neighbours deal with it I feel they’re the type of people who would also complain if she cried a lot. I presume she’s just taking from her own experience and is shocked at how content our baby is as her boys do seem like a handful.

What can I say to neighbour to quash these needless concerns before she causes us stress by reporting us to authorities? Record her for the day and show it to them? I have no idea

Do nothing. Ignore it completely.
You have nothing to prove.

Obviously yanbtu to assume that your parenting is more attentive than your neighbours. but obviously you needed to let out a bit of a passive aggressive dig at her "handful" children.

*Yabu stupid phone

Have the same type of baby and yes record activity for a day or go into the garden or out the front on a walk when she’s screaming so they can hear you. It’s mental isn’t it. I think if you feed on demand, don’t force specific timed naps and keep attentive to the baby then it will be calmer, comparing mine to others in my friendship group with specific timings,

@D4rwin

Obviously yanbtu to assume that your parenting is more attentive than your neighbours. but obviously you needed to let out a bit of a passive aggressive dig at her "handful" children.

This jumped out at me too.

You sound a bit smug and weird about this

Come on OP.

If this is a real post, what do you think social services would do if she called them?

They would do bugger all, and any sane person would know that.

Does your neighbour know how good the soundproofing is? Sounds like she may just think you’re all very very quiet.

Maybe the next time you see her, talk about how you can barely hear a thing from their house and how great the soundproofing is?

I’d say nothing and revel in the smugness of having a baby that doesn’t cry more than she does.

If your neighbour reports you SS will not find any fault anyway.

What makes you think she'll report you rather than it being a (seemingly) friendly doorstep conversation? I'm curious as to why you would make such a leap as it wouldn't have ever occurred to me.

Loling at the idea that because you have a large baby they are somehow so advanced and superior
Stealth boast much?

Gosh, you've over thought this, haven't you? And at 'the midwives on the ward said how alert and independent she was' - they were being nice about your baby not offering some kind of professional judgement that you have a prodigy!

I think they were just making conversation - you're the one who's turned this into some comparison between your children. They are not going to call social services, or probably give it any further thought!

What a bizarre post. Anyone hearing this would laugh and say something along the lines of ... ‘ha ha, yes of course the baby cries. Goodness, the walls must be thick if you can’t hear!

Your post sounds desperately worried social services will be knocking on your door based on this (which is very paranoid) and Simultaneously smug that you think your child is fine but theirs are a handful! Quoting how ‘alert and independent’ you were when you were in hospital is also very odd.

What a weird post, it sounds like an off the cuff comment. My elderly neighbour often says she can’t hear our dc which I know isn’t true because I have been in her house and heard my own dc!

Your baby is not trying to say hungry at 3 months. You sound to me like you are over anxious and eager to prove your parenting and baby is bigger, advanced and happier than anyone elses dc.

Not sure what the fact that you're "seasoned parents" has to do with anything or how alert she was on the ward

Obviously you don't need to do anything and it's highly unlikely she's going to call social services.

Eh no offence but

'It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me.'

Are you serious? At three months? This post is a crock.

How did you get from that comment to being worried about social services?!

What does the midwife’s comment about you in hospital have anything to do with this??

Some babies cry a lot due to colic, reflux, teething - any number of reasons. Some don’t. It’s hardly that difficult to understand.

You sound smug. Enjoy that smugness while it lasts, I'm sure your child will find a way to wipe that smirk off your face sooner or later

I wouldn't think anymore of it. It's most likely an off the cuff jokey comment that either came out wrong or your husband misinterpreted.

You don't need to start recording your baby crying to prove anything. Just carry on as normal and if they say anything about it again just respond with a comment about good soundproofing or something.

Some nasty fuckers on here. Just because the OP isn’t asking for advice about a screaming baby, is she not worthy of advice.

OP ignore the Mumsnet bullies there is nothing smug about your post, you just sound concerned.

Just ignore your neighbour her remark was just a throwaway comment and enjoy your gorgeous baby.

The smugness is real on this one. It was most probably an off the cuff comment. If it persists, make sure you let her know how attentive the midwives thought you were in hospital .

Why on earth would you also think that this means she is going to call social services?? Ridiculous.

My neighbours have 3 kids under 5 and I never hear them. It's weird but I don't think they're harming the kids. I don't think they're very happy but that's not my business. We do comment on it between us.Maybe we'd say something in conversation, but then my neighbour once asked me how we kept the kids in bed so long in a morning because they'd seemed to figure out we're not early risers (get up 7.30ish)

Neighbours judge I'd just ignore it.

It says on my hospital notes ‘alert and independent’. I’ll find them out in a minute and post a pic. They always comment on how the mother is doing under their care on the maternity unit incase they need assistance. It’s very common and not a brag.

Bloody hell mumsnet is still a strange place! So I can’t call her boys a handful when they run riot uncontrolled 24/7, are often ‘told off’ by other neighbours and our conservatory needed repairs after they smashed it with their football (Before we moved in)? And in regards to the sounds that my baby makes, you’ve not heard them so how can you comment? She sounds out ‘huuunnnnnmggyyyyiee’ not saying hungry like she can speak Plenty of 3 month old babies can sound out vowels. I also speak to her like she’s can understand me so she can learn how to speak. It’s normal for babies to stop crying when they learn that the caregiver responds to different sounds. She makes specific sound when she’s hungry and screams when she’s in pain with say teething. She no longer cries when hungry.

I mentioned her size to explain how loud she actually is, which is incredibly loud so no idea how they can’t hear her If I wanted to boast about my baby I would straight up ‘boast’ not do so by explaining why it’s bizarre that they can’t hear her. Some weird responses here.

Back to my original question, how can I show neighbours that they don’t need to be concerned? They definitely weren’t just making chit chat, DH said she had a serious look on her face and asked if baby was alright. She could well have reported us already for all I know as she doesn’t know us because we moved in just before lockdown so not had a chance to talk much. We could be incredibly abusive and be putting the baby somewhere so we can’t hear her cry for all she knows. She asked us if we gag her or stop her from crying. ‘Gagging’ a baby is not something you joke about imo.

OP, it's all fine. Maybe your DH got it wrong and your neighbours are trying to reassure you that they can't hear your baby crying?

Nobody is going to call Social Services for a baby that 'doesn't cry' (she may have a physical problem that meant she couldn't cry, or a very quiet cry, or, like your baby, just not cry much). You are overthinking this to a very odd degree.

And your three month old baby isn't 'trying to talk'. Honestly. Her brain isn't developed enough yet.

Have you been assessed for PND? You sound a little bit overconcerned about your child.