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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours ‘can’t hear baby’

251 replies

jellyneilly · 19/07/2020 09:49

Not an AIBU but really need some advice!

We live on a new build estate with terraces and the soundproofing is amazing. Can only hear my neighbours when they’re in the garden/out front, or when their children scream and run up and down the stairs. Can hear tantrums are happening but not what’s being said iygwim. DH went to get a package off them the other day and they had a chit chat. The wife said she was concerned because she never hears our baby cry. Oh trust me she has a decent set of lungs on her as she’s growing 3 months ahead of her actual age (born weighing 10 pounds and is already in 6-9 month clothes at 3 months). She doesn’t get upset often but when she does it’s either colic or teething now which has already started. I’d say she cries a normal amount and we’re very responsive to her. We have a 5 year old so I feel we’re ‘seasoned’ parents. She’s also a very happy baby, smiles and giggles constantly when she’s awake and sleeps like a dream at night. She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me. The midwives at the hospital noted that I was very alert and independent when on the ward. The neighbour joked that we must ‘gag her’ or something. Well no, it just means we’re attentive parents I think! I don’t believe that they don’t hear her at all either as I can hear them talking with their friends at normal level in their garden with my windows shut so they will definitely her hear scream. Maybe they need their hearing tested?

My husband said she seemed genuinely concerned and now I’m worried she’ll report us to social services. Would they even come out for ‘baby doesn’t cry enough’? It just seems ridiculous to me. We have had the health visitor come round plenty so it’s obvious that our baby isn’t in any danger otherwise the HV would have seen. Its like you can’t please some people! I joked that next time DD’s having a screaming fit we should take her next door and let the neighbours deal with itGrin I feel they’re the type of people who would also complain if she cried a lot. I presume she’s just taking from her own experience and is shocked at how content our baby is as her boys do seem like a handful.

What can I say to neighbour to quash these needless concerns before she causes us stress by reporting us to authorities? Record her for the day and show it to them? I have no idea

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 19/07/2020 14:54

"Maybe you should post this on the remedial reading board?"

"Do you mean the MNers with SN board, rosiejaune?"

Why would I mean that? Most people who misread things because they're so eager to disagree with the poster likely don't have additional literacy needs.

As you have just proven (assuming you aren't dyslexic etc).

You said I should move to the remedial reading board, which appeared to imply that people with disabilities shouldn't join in mainstream discussions and should stick to talking to the other 'stupid' people.

It's one thing mocking someone for being overly ambitious about their child, but it's quite another to punch down and insinuate that a poster has a learning disability because they misread a post.

And I actually think it's worse that you didn't believe I had a learning disability but intended to insult me by suggesting that I did.

Yes, I realised afterwards that the OP was referring to herself being alert and independent (which made the comment more bizarre, frankly), and yes, I do have a learning difficulty which impairs my literacy.

But even if I didn't, I would still find your comment disablist and offensive to people with learning difficulties/disabilities.

SharonasCorona · 19/07/2020 15:02

Oh trust me she has a decent set of lungs on her as she’s growing 3 months ahead of her actual age (born weighing 10 pounds and is already in 6-9 month clothes at 3 months). She doesn’t get upset often but when she does it’s either colic or teething now which has already started. I’d say she cries a normal amount and we’re very responsive to her. We have a 5 year old so I feel we’re ‘seasoned’ parents. She’s also a very happy baby, smiles and giggles constantly when she’s awake and sleeps like a dream at night. She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me. The midwives at the hospital noted that I was very alert and independent when on the ward. The neighbour joked that we must ‘gag her’ or something. Well no, it just means we’re attentive parents I think! I don’t believe that they don’t hear her at all either as I can hear them talking with their friends at normal level in their garden with my windows shut so they will definitely her hear scream. Maybe they need their hearing tested?

This has to win an award for the most unnecessary level of detail ever.

IDontLikeMondays88 · 19/07/2020 15:08

This is such a ridiculous post

okiedokieme · 19/07/2020 15:22

I suspect it was chit chat no more. Social services would never respond to a "my neighbours baby rarely cries" call! But please get a reality check, your baby isn't trying to talk at 3 months! You have a content baby but just make sure you offers lots of stimulation because it's easier not to if they are quiet (I basically held mine for the first year each which means I constantly interacted)

okiedokieme · 19/07/2020 15:29

PS being alert to their needs has no relevance to how much they cry, some babies just like exercising their lungs more. My HV assured me that lots of crying, demanding constant attention was actually a good sign, as was her dislike of napping and sleeping ... now I think the hv was having me on that it was a sign of intelligence! Every baby is different, let's not make assumptions about small things in normal range as being a sign for your own mental well being. (Disclaimer my kids are now adults so I know how they turned out)

Sunsage · 19/07/2020 15:36

I tell my NDN I can't hear her baby, she tells me she can't hear my dogs. We both apologise for the noise as we both know full well we are both lying and can each dogs/baby.

But it doesn't bother me and it seems not to bother NDN so it's just abit of reassurance from each other... I think this is what has happened here?

With regards to the gag comment, i think it's a case of having different humour.

Thesheerrelief · 19/07/2020 15:49

Alert and independent = awake and can get out of bed, go to toilet and dress herself without help.

This thread has made me laugh so much

TotorosFurryBehind · 19/07/2020 15:56

Personally I'm sceptical of the 'excellent soundproofing' in your new build home

SweetBillie · 19/07/2020 15:56

This thread is both sad and funny at the same time.
Alert and independent isn't just midwife speak, it's any HCP speak for 'doing okay.'
As for your thoughts on your brilliantly advanced baby and your superior parenting..

Oh dear.

Laaalaaaa · 19/07/2020 16:05

My baby was never much of a crier - nothing to do with us having superior parenting skills - we just got very very lucky. Said baby is now 9 months old and has become an expert whinger. Take something away from them - screaming, stop them crawling somewhere they shouldn’t - screaming - you get the gist. Although I guess my child is super delayed as yours will perfectly calmly tell you what they want 🙄

DressingGownofDoom · 19/07/2020 16:06

Are you sure you have a 5 year old OP because your post doesn't exactly scream 'seasoned parent' Wink

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/07/2020 16:09

I'm also surprised by people who tell me, when I ask after their grizzly baby, 'oh, he's teething'. Baby is about two months' old. I know some produce teeth early, but it seems to me that 'teething' is what a lot of parents put the constant grizzles down to, and they never seem even vaguely fazed when infant doesn't actually produce a tooth until they are twelve months old...

SurreyHillsGirl · 19/07/2020 16:24

Confused v odd post with the most random detail..

OP, try and be a little more succinct with your next post

ECBC · 19/07/2020 16:26

I don’t think you need to show your neighbours anything? It’s your baby. Good soundproofing. That’s it. Think you’re overthinking this

MiniMum97 · 19/07/2020 16:32

My baby cried all the time. When he was very small it was constant when he wasn't sleeping. From 12am to 4am every night for a long period. He couldn't he put down at all.

His constant crying was certainly NOT from lack of attentiveness and we also did everything on demand.

Yours and others insinuation that only babies whose needs aren't attended to cry is really fucking rude and offensive and incorrect.

My son had colic and also was later diagnosed as autistic. Constant crying in babies who are later diagnosed as autistic is a common finding so you can all wind your necks in with your judgemental and incorrect statements.

LonginesPrime · 19/07/2020 16:33

Are you sure you have a 5 year old OP because your post doesn't exactly scream 'seasoned parent'

OP's posts don't scream.

Piglet89 · 19/07/2020 16:34

She’s developed in a way that she doesn’t need to cry when she wants something I.e. milk as she’s just started shouting at us. It’s so cute, she sounds like she’s trying to say ‘hungy’ when she wants milk because I always ask her ‘are you hungry’ so she copies me.

Yeah, and when my 8 week old son remarked after I had given him his bottle: “You were most solicitous in your administration of that repast, mother”, we knew his communication was advanced.

backseatcookers · 19/07/2020 16:42

@LonginesPrime

Are you sure you have a 5 year old OP because your post doesn't exactly scream 'seasoned parent'

OP's posts don't scream.

Neither does her baby!
Gobbycop · 19/07/2020 17:04

Why do you even care what your neighbours think?

You can't please some people would they prefer to hear the baby screaming the walls down all night?

Put on some loud music or strim at 0400 if you feel they need a noise complaint in their lives.

How weird.

villamariavintrapp · 19/07/2020 17:11

This is a very odd thread. If it's true, then your reaction is the strangest thing. Why would you give it any thought? Planning things to do to convince your neighbours that you don't gag your baby? Filming her all day to show them? Bizarre. I agree that maybe you should think about why your reaction is so strange? Could you be very anxious? Paranoid?

sonicbook · 19/07/2020 17:22

I haven't read the thread because I can't be arsed but I think that she was finding a slightly awkward yet polite way of saying that the soundproofing is good. She's probably really nice and doesn't want you worrying about noise with a new baby. She'll have said it and not thought a thing of it again.

MsEllany · 19/07/2020 18:00

I’ve taken ten minutes to read your posts OP and that’s about ten minutes longer than I would have thought about this when mine were babies.

Babyg1995 · 19/07/2020 18:56

Wow just read the full thread .feel sorry for the op yes her posts a bit braggy but does she really deserve all that Hmm MN never changes .worst comment was a poster saying she needs help and sounds unwell really ? .

mrsBtheparker · 19/07/2020 20:29

OP you do realise that on MN if you're not constantly on here complaining about what time consuming hard work having a baby is then you're considered smug!

Foxinsocks1 · 19/07/2020 21:02

If my neighbour had made this comment I’d have laughed it off. Although DH wouldn’t have told me as it’s just neighbourly chat.