I’m not allowed to touch my grandson😢

[DameLucy]

So long story short. Grandson was born week before lock down. We saw and held him in hospital and when he first came home. Lovely💕 now since lockdown we only see him at a distance. It’s heartbreaking. He’s now 4 months and his mum (my daughter) even wipes his hands when he inadvertently touches me. It’s breaking my heart. This is my only grandchild 😢 can’t see things changing any time soon although she’s happy for me to see him “at a distance” . I’m expected to have him 3 days a week when she goes back to work in 3 month time - which I’m totally happy about but I’m so concerned the poor little lad won’t even know us. I just want to cry 😢

My baby’s grandparents have never held them. No one has except us. I’m following guidelines. The risk to the baby is tiny but they may carry it and pass it to one of the vulnerable people in my family. So until things have eased yet further, no one is holding them. It’s shit but these are weird times.

I’m in Wales. We are only allowed to form a bubble with one household and dh and I haven’t chosen either set of parents because it wouldn’t be fair to the other. We are waiting until they extend the bubble rules. Our baby knows his grandparents by voice and image because we FaceTime regularly - please try not to take it personally. These are strange times. Breaks my heart my parents are missing out on their first grandchild but I know it won’t be forever.

Your daughter sounds OTT

We have the same issue with regards to grandparents. It's so hard, we love seeing our parents but they can't touch the kids. The kids find it really hard (1&4) but it's the rules.

My best friend had a baby during lockdown. No one other than her, her husband and medical staff have touched their son. Not even her mum. It's shit, but it's the current situation.

I know it’s hard but my PIL are in the same situation. They can’t hug my 5 month old baby because they are not in our support bubble, my Mum is because she’s on her own. I think it’s fairly common and your daughter is acting correctly under the Guidelines.

@slipperywhensparticus
you might want to not make this all about you she is trying to protect him clearly she is anxious try to be supportive he will still be young enough to get used to you in three months time

I agree with Slippery, I do understand it must be so hard though.
You mention "we."
If your daughter is sticking to the rules, which I can completely understand with a newborn she will want to, then if there's you and a partner you can't be brought into a bubble yet.
Even at 3 to 4 months it's still so young, your grandchild will be fine to be left in your care at that age and don;t need to have got to know you before, as they're basically asleep first few months anyway
Not meaning to sound flippant, but just saying honestly, it'll be fine and respect their wishes as lockdown is tough on a lot of people and it sounds like they're just playing safe and sticking to the rules and nothing wrong with that.
Hopefully soon lockdown will have eased even further and can hug grandparents again.

Daughter and I are extremely close. I’ve chosen not to mix because I really want to have a relatationship with my first grandchild. I feel so rubbish when we’re out and I can’t even touch him. I get reprimanded if i accidentally touch his pram (which i bought) I know I sound like a drama queen but when you’re watching other people on fb I just think it’s unreasonable.

Ohtheroses I think your maths is out somehow? I know of two people who have sadly died of it (friends parents) and a further three people who've had it and recovered. I dont personally know millions of people!

Hmmmm .. I don't think you are unreasonable.. you are going to be looking after the baby for 3 days a week in 3 months time .. but now you can't touch him ... maybe she nerds to re think and not go back to work , can't have it all ways . .. or maybe you need to re think your offer of childcare. Hang in there OP .. it's strange times for everyone.. she will get a grip

@Quarantino thank you for your recommendation. However, I don't think realism and interrogation of the actual facts should be restricted to the data thread. It needs to be allowed to infuse the whole of society to get it up and running and economically viable again. I really, really hope there will not be reams of threads in three months time because MNetters are devastated because they or their DH is unemployed due to economic reality.

I feel for you OP. Your daughter's response is completely disproportionate to the risk. I feel sorry for you both in this situation; her because the media campaign has worked your daughter up into a frenzy. We may look back and think how utterly ridiculous all this was when grandparents couldn't even hold new born grandchildren.

So your daughter is insisting that you don't meet anyone, but still won't let you touch the baby?

Until recently I was in the same boat as you OP. So I know what you feel, and it's sad that so many posters just aren't prepared to empathise with you.
But I'm widowed and living alone now, so I can be part of DS's husehold bubble. As soon as that was allowed, my DS was happy and dlighted to let me hold and play properly with my DGD.

If you too live alone, ask if you can bubble with her. But if she won't let you and has no plans to let you hold the baby in the short term, I'd be living your own life and meeting people. She can't have it both ways, restricting you but still not letting you be involved.

They can’t hug my 5 month old baby because they are not in our support bubble, my Mum is because she’s on her own. I think it’s fairly common and your daughter is acting correctly under the Guidelines

Exactly, here we're similar - MIL in bubble as we're similar, but my Mum and Dad aren't because of restrictions.
Just sticking to guidelines and sounds like OP's DD is too.

@happydinosour but why shouldnt the op fo out for a coffee with friends thats allowed in guidelines of social distancing , as shes social distancing from her daughter and grandchild as well

I get reprimanded if I accidentally touch his pram

That's ridiculous. What does she think is going to happen?

Those of you saying it's the rules or the. Guidelines, how long do you think this guidance will stay in place.. What if its till next year

And are you willing to keep your kids and grandparents or aunts and uncle 6 feet apart for a year??

At what point does all this end..

The best thing you can do here is support your daughter and think about what you can do to be there for her She's most likely really struggling and I really feel sorry for people with newborns in this pandemic.

So in the kindest possible way, maybe take the attention off of yourself and just be there. You can hug the baby later on but for now maybe see how best to look after your daughter because she may be struggling more than you are.

Dramatic as in all this heartbreak and tears purely because her daughter is choosing to observe rules to keep her tiny baby safe. It's so unnecessary. Her daughter will be going through enough anxiety without worrying about OPs histrionics.

This is obviously a difficult situation for you, OP, but your daughter is clearly doing what she believes is best for everyone’s safety - including yours. The covid pandemic really isn’t about you or your emotions.

Life will, eventually, return to something resembling normality. Until then, we all have to be patient and stick to the guidelines about social contact based on scientific evidence.

Here in Scotland they scrapped social distancing for under 12s I think it's a bit odd. My in laws have to be 2 meters from me and DH but can cuddle DS. We will then take DS home and have close contact with him. Why socially distance at all?

So you can't touch your grandson but in 3 months time it'll be fine? I'm sorry but your daughter is,being ridiculous. Either you can hug him or you can't. Or are you somehow meant to care for him without touching him? Ask your daughter if she really thinks 3*months will make a difference and that she needs let your grandson get used to you. Also if you can't touch him I would meet up with friends etc, surely your daughter doesn't think you should have no social life. If she's being like this now I'd reconsider childcare. It sounds like you won't be allowed to leave the house with him.

I haven't let my family hold my baby yet but then I'm not expecting them to provide childcare in a few months time.
Hope you get a cuddle soon.

I know I sound like a drama queen but when you’re watching other people on fb I just think it’s unreasonable.

see, in this scenario I hear my Dad saying his favourite phrase when I was growing up "if so and so jumped off a cliff would you" lol
I do what I think is best.
Not what I see others doing, or comparing myself to them.

So stop going on Facebook

Bold fail oops

Op how is she coping generally? The freaking out if you touch the handle of a pram he isnt touching seems a little ott, and i have 7 month old twins and a medically complex 5 yo on o2 who we've been shielding, so i totally get the risk anxiety.

Sounds like she's taking things to extremes and i'd be worried about this anxiety affecting her mh.

Have you talked about you doing childcare recently? Is the agreement she'll let you look after him providing you stay home and see no one else? Does she expect you to do childcare with minimal contact?

Have you tried talking to her - explaining that you understand she's anxious but what does she think will happen if you touch the handle for example?