I’m not allowed to touch my grandson😢

[DameLucy]

So long story short. Grandson was born week before lock down. We saw and held him in hospital and when he first came home. Lovely💕 now since lockdown we only see him at a distance. It’s heartbreaking. He’s now 4 months and his mum (my daughter) even wipes his hands when he inadvertently touches me. It’s breaking my heart. This is my only grandchild 😢 can’t see things changing any time soon although she’s happy for me to see him “at a distance” . I’m expected to have him 3 days a week when she goes back to work in 3 month time - which I’m totally happy about but I’m so concerned the poor little lad won’t even know us. I just want to cry 😢

[quote Lockdownseperation]@heartonacake

This government guidance updated yesterday says otherwise

www.gov.uk/guidance/meeting-people-from-outside-your-household-from-4-july[/quote]
Did you not read the link you quoted? It says right here:

you can also meet in a group of 2 households (anyone in your support bubble counts as one household), in any location ‒ public or private, indoors or outdoors. This does not need to be the same household each time.

@heartsonacake you need to social distance if you are not in a support bubble, it says so in that guidance:

It remains the case ‒ even inside someone’s home ‒ that you should socially distance from anyone not in your household or bubble. Those who have been able to form a support bubble (which is those in single adult households) can continue to have close contact as if they live with the other people in their bubble. This should be exclusive and should not change. This change also does not affect the support you receive from your carers.

She's being batshit, sorry.

ineedaholidaynow I know. I would assume since they are parent and child they would be in a support bubble if they were to create one.

Just give it time. She's probably just scared and it will be difficult for her too. It's hard at the moment - no easy decisions to be made. Don't put pressure on her but just keep seeing your grandchild as and when you're able to. They will know you! Its a shit situation so it's normal to feel sad, but it won't be this way forever.

It's amazing that you live so close too - I really feel for my PIL, they live 4 hours away and haven't seen my daughter in months. She still knows them!

Its very sad , but the majority of grandparents cant hug their grand children.

There have been 300,000 confirmed cases of Covid-19.
300,000/66,000,000 = 0.004545% chance of catching covid
(I accept probability doesn't work like that and numbers may be higher due to not everyone having been tested).

45,000/66,000,000 = 0.000682% chance of dying.

As I have said before millions of people in the UK buy a lottery ticket hoping to beat 1 million to one odds or greater and some actually think they will win one day and we think they are laughable.

This entire episode needs some perspective. The economy has gone to hell in a handcart for an infinitesimal risk.

I'm probably your age OP but I don't have grandchildren yet so I can't imagine how hard this is for you. However, DH and I have remarked a lot that our DC in their 20s are far more concerned about Covid than we are.

If by 'I'm retired I can do what I want' you mean that you're out mixing with lots of other people, visiting numerous shops or the pub, then I understand her concerns. I wouldn't let my mother hold my children if she was at a higher risk of catching the virus either. She is a scared new mother caught up in a pandemic. Reassure her that you are not going to remain as low risk as possible.

What's your relationship with your daughter like? Can't you just have a conversation with her about it?
How out and about are you at the moment? If you were only seeing friends outside she could be a bit OTT. If you're meeting friends inside, doing other stuff inside then I think she's fairly sensible playing it safe. I'd imagine a month before the childminding you'll need to increase contact a bit?

@quarantinio @ heartsonacake @ ineedaholidaynow so I’m not mixing with anyone because daughter doesn’t think it’s appropriate. I get where you’re coming from but I’m getting really tired of this. Perhaps I’m ready to meet up with friends etc and have a coffee. I’m prepared to be hung out to dry for this, but you need to spend a day in my shoes 🤷‍♀️

Unless either OP or her daughter is a single adult and not in a couple then they can't technically form a support bubble.

@OhTheRoses

There have been 300,000 confirmed cases of Covid-19. 300,000/66,000,000 = 0.004545% chance of catching covid (I accept probability doesn't work like that and numbers may be higher due to not everyone having been tested).

45,000/66,000,000 = 0.000682% chance of dying.

As I have said before millions of people in the UK buy a lottery ticket hoping to beat 1 million to one odds or greater and some actually think they will win one day and we think they are laughable.

This entire episode needs some perspective. The economy has gone to hell in a handcart for an infinitesimal risk.

I'm probably your age OP but I don't have grandchildren yet so I can't imagine how hard this is for you. However, DH and I have remarked a lot that our DC in their 20s are far more concerned about Covid than we are.

She's the mum of a small baby. Cut her some slack.

All the people arguing about the guidelines- the guidelines are irrelevant. The majority of people are going by instinct and using common sense. Mums got a newborn and she’s understandably trying to protect him from a horrible virus. Perhaps she’s trying to protect the op aswell.
Op as horrible as you think this is for you, imagine how it’s like for the baby’s mum. She’s obviously massively protective of him. How do you think she feels having to leave the baby to go to work with someone they barely know? It’s a lot more devastating for her than it is for you. Remember that she’s not doing this for fun

And even if they can the daughter may not feel ready to do so. Her baby is still very little

If your daughter drives a car, then the baby is at far more risk every time she drives somewhere. I am still gobsmacked at just how much some people are so brainwashed. What on Earth has the world come to?

I accept probability doesn't work like that and numbers may be higher due to not everyone having been tested
Correct, but you'd be better off discussing over on the Covid Data thread rather than derail this one.
Again, it's not the risk of dying that many people are concerned about but the unpredictable and potentially lifelong health implications. The risk is higher if you are not socially distancing.

The OP could get tested and then suggest meeting on the proviso she keeps distanced from anyone for the 36 hours until she gets her test results?

I really Sympathise with you.

My daughter has a 15 week old son. I was not allowed to meet him properly until he was 5 and a half weeks old (met him through the window). I had to isolate for 2 weeks and have a covid test before she would let me be around baby And hold him. I then stayed for a few weeks.

She is now absolutely fine however. She has a small social circle who she feels safe around and began to let people hold him when he was around 10 weeks old.

She was very anxious but has since said the more she let him around people the easier it got.

She also use to clean his hands with a Milton wipe after somebody had touched him and would bath him as soon as she got in. She no longer does this, she just changes his baby grow and washes his hands and face after they have met up with friends.

My daughter said the longer she lived that anxiously the worse she got.

So you are locking yourself away because this is what your daughter wishes, Have I got that right?

New mums are anxious at the best of times.
God I remember walking round m&s with the rainhood over the buggy as I was so paranoid about everyone touching my little 5lb baby and making him unwell. In hindsight it was a period of horrible anxiety . It was nearly twenty years ago and no global pandemic !
This isn’t all about you OP! Make life easy for the nervous mum. Bide your time ! Get over your own needs and put hers first.

[quote DameLucy]@quarantinio @ heartsonacake @ ineedaholidaynow so I’m not mixing with anyone because daughter doesn’t think it’s appropriate. I get where you’re coming from but I’m getting really tired of this. Perhaps I’m ready to meet up with friends etc and have a coffee. I’m prepared to be hung out to dry for this, but you need to spend a day in my shoes 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
So this is all about you then. Because you can't get your own way with your daughter you're going to go out with your friends instead.

Must be really hard for you, but your daughter is following guidelines- social.distance with anyone not in your household.

OP most of us are in your shoes - unable to visit actually dying relatives, losing income, having to stretch ourselves even more thinly. We are all tired of it! Feel free to join us having a good old moan on here though

You're being very dramatic. Your poor daughter must find this and your attitude exhausting.

I don’t think your dd has the right to tell you you can’t socialise/can’t go to places. If she wants you to do childcare, she needs to let you look after your grandchild so he can get used to you.

Dramatic how? Op is effectively shielding for the sake of her grandchild and can’t even touch him.