I’m not allowed to touch my grandson😢

[DameLucy]

So long story short. Grandson was born week before lock down. We saw and held him in hospital and when he first came home. Lovely💕 now since lockdown we only see him at a distance. It’s heartbreaking. He’s now 4 months and his mum (my daughter) even wipes his hands when he inadvertently touches me. It’s breaking my heart. This is my only grandchild 😢 can’t see things changing any time soon although she’s happy for me to see him “at a distance” . I’m expected to have him 3 days a week when she goes back to work in 3 month time - which I’m totally happy about but I’m so concerned the poor little lad won’t even know us. I just want to cry 😢

I don’t think it’s unreasonable your daughter wanting to follow the guidelines and the guidelines mean there are unfortunately many grandparents in your situation. I do however think it is unfair to expect you to essentially shield for her and babies benefit but then not allow you to touch the pram? You can’t have it all ways if you aren’t allowed to touch baby why can’t you socially distanced meet a friend in a garden or cafe? That would seem more fair

I get reprimanded if i accidentally touch his pram I'd leave her to it. Tell her to give you a call when she is ready to move on from this stage. Unsurprisingly this will most likely coincide with when she needs the free childcare.

I get reprimanded if i accidentally touch his pram
I haven't RTFT but just wanted to ask do you practice regular hand washing? My father doesn't my DM died of Covid19 so he visits me daily after the shop.
I wash the sweets he gives my DC and bleach the area and cup after he leaves he coughs lots the DC keep their distance but are always pleasant.
It isn't paranoia in my case I know he's not cleaning his hands.

The hyperbole on this thread is ridiculous.

Heartbreaking, devastating, traumatised.

Those are words suitable to losing a loved one, a life changing injury in a car accident, a life threatening medical diagnosis.

Not being able to cuddle a child because of a lethal pandemic is none of those things. More suitable words would be disappointed, impatient, slightly deflated etc etc.

@overtherainbow88 it wasn't taken blindly. My mother had been staying home and just walking the dog with all shopping done by us and we have just used click and collect. Neither myself or my husband have been in a shop in 4 months with just 1 visit to the pharmacy and one to the doctor.

We are taking this very seriously. We felt we would have been safe before (well as safe as was possible) the league changes but didn't until it was legal.

We are still living under these same conditions to keep my mother safe.

[quote DameLucy]@quarantinio @ heartsonacake @ ineedaholidaynow so I’m not mixing with anyone because daughter doesn’t think it’s appropriate. I get where you’re coming from but I’m getting really tired of this. Perhaps I’m ready to meet up with friends etc and have a coffee. I’m prepared to be hung out to dry for this, but you need to spend a day in my shoes 🤷‍♀️[/quote]
Stop letting her dictate what you do with your time.

If she won't let you hug him and you're being really careful then sod it. Go out and meet friends. Have coffee. Live. You can't hang about hoping she'll change her mind.

Your daughter refusing to let you hold her firstborn is simply her following both the government advice and her own motherly instincts designed to protect her baby in the middle of a pandemic caused by a brand new virus for which there is no vaccination or proven cure.

She is not being unreasonable. You are. Upsetting, yes, I get it, but suck it up. The health and well being of your daughters baby is more important than your feelings or desire to hold your grandchild.

Hi I haven't RTFT (feel free to yell at me if I've missed important information!)

The OP's first post made me want to cry. I appreciate the need to be cautious but how bloody heartbreaking that she isn't allowed to hug her newborn (ish) grandson.

OP I think your daughter is being precious, especially now that the risk is slightly lower and we are coming out of the peak. She obviously can't help it if she feels anxious.. but I also can't help but feel suspicious that in three months time it will suddenly be fine for you to look after him when she goes back to work?!

I think you need to have a proper conversation with her - she isn't doing her son any favours. Of course, I sympathise for her as a new parent in the middle of a pandemic, but she needs to look at the risks. As long as you're not going out hugging random strangers in pubs every day I really don't see the problem.

if i accidentally touch his pram (which i bought)
Oh I hope you haven't bought your daughter something just to throw it back at her at every disagreement

I know I sound like a drama queen but when you’re watching other people on fb I just think it’s unreasonable.
Easy, stop watching others on FB, enjoy that you are there in the moment spending time with your daughter and grandchild, there are many who would love that situation who can't,

No one should be made to feel like shit for try to protect their child and family in the best way they see fit.
Respect her boundaries, you sound really quite selfish.

Like I said no one has held my neice or barely seen her. Grandparents have not held baby. They want to stick to current guidelines and we have all mixed on holiday so I would be doing the same as her too if I had a new baby.

It is not unreasonable to be upset at the circumstances - but it is unreasonable to be upset with your daughter given current circumstances.

YANBU to feel this way. It must be awful and very difficult. You are being unreasonable however if you think your daughter is wrong or doing this to be difficult. She is keeping her baby as safe as possible for as long as possible. Has he had vaccines yet (I can't remember at how many months they have them). I imagine it's hard on your daughter too having to care for a baby in the middle of a pandemic so do go easy on her.

You can’t get a vaccine for corona virus anyway so not sure that’s relevant. Before covid people held my babies before they had any vaccines.

I agree with most PPs. This must be very difficult for you.

However, perhaps you can empathise with your daughter, who has probably been told by a midwife or HV from birth that she should limit contact with others (yes even grandparents) just in case her child is severely ill. Can you imagine what that does to someone already quite on edge with protective hormones?

The other thing you haven't mentioned (unless I missed it) is what are the other grandparents doing? Your DD may also just be looking to avoid conflict - if she allows you to do whatever you want but restricts the other grandparents then her DH may be quite upset on behalf of his parents. She may also be stuck in the middle - when you are sleep deprived, hormonal and emotional, it isn't a great time to manage competing demands.

But OverTheRainbow it’s irrelevant that people held your baby before the baby had their vaccines, because all the people holding the baby will have had THEIR vaccines (as will the mother). Plus we aren’t in the midst of a diphtheria/tetanus/polio epidemic (and query how those are spread anyway).

If the baby or his mother catches covid the outcomes range from a mild illness to death. I can see why a new mother would want to minimise that, however small the risk is.

OP your daughter is being very understanding if you're being such an arse. I'd have told you to do one a long time ago

@eggofmantumbi

OP your daughter is being very understanding if you're being such an arse. I'd have told you to do one a long time ago

I'd have told her she was being self indulgent and not entertained any further conversation on the subject.

@Pobblebonk bit of a difference between (generally) choosing to live abroad and therefore accepting the trappings of that being less contact with family members versus a virus that has been totally imposed on us all.

Not really, @Nefelibata86, if the grandparent is not the one who has chosen to live abroad. OP is complaining because her daughter has chosen to comply with the guidance.